Men with Children

Hypothetical situation, what would you do?

You have children ages 6-10, sitter come in after school, you get home an hour before wife/girlfriend. When you arrive home the agreement is that sitter leaves and she does. You then take this time to:

a)Take care of the kids and make sure their home work is done.

b)Check on the kids and start dinner.

c)See if the kids need anything and then get on the computer.

d)Never check on the kids. Pull out the porn mag while in the bathroom, jerk off and then take a nap til wife/girlfriend wakes you.

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I got an idea but not sure if this could work.

My dream is to totally disappear from my mom and their side of the family but not from my kids and my husband that may be my ex soon.
My mom was abusive growing up she allowed my dad to abuse me.
No one in the family had anything to do with my kids.My mom treated my oldest child like she was some sort of walking contagious disease just cause she was slightly slow mentally.
With my second child she was treated the best if I can really say that at least she was told hi without mom having to cringe each time.My third child was ignored totally.
My husband and I are not rich but we have a comfortable life pay our bills raise happy kids.
My brothers and sister won't have anything to do with us cause we don't live in a home that is over 300.000 we rent lol.
My family is very shallow they only like you if you are rich.
I was the family's dirty little secret I am only here cause my mom was raped and I believe the whole family wants nothing to do with us cause of it.
We were never invited to Holiday dinners but the rest of the family would be we would be left out every year.
I was thinking when I file for divorce I know the judge asks you if you would like to change your last name.Does it have to be a name you had once before like your maiden name or can it be something totally new?
I want to move a little ways from here change my last name to whatever so no one can find me except my ex.
I know it will be hard to try to keep my kids quiet to everyone but it would be so nice for as long as it lasts.
I am also planning on keeping my phone number a secret only the kids's father will have it. I am just tired of fake and phony people around me .
My kids psychiatrist they had a few years back told me to keep them away from my kids they were doing more harm then good with them.

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

Bipolar, Sex-addicted Husband--How Do I Move On from This Relationship?

We had our 5 month wedding anniversary this past week (we've known each other for 11 months and have been in a relationship for all of those 11 months). On the day after our 5 month wedding anniversary we were supposed to meet up, but we were both pretty tired. I thought. I was about to meet a friend (which I lied to him about; it was actually an ex of mine, but he had done so many wrongs to me that I decided I'll do what I want and I thought it was innocent—this is exactly why we didn't work. After I found out he went to get a handjob at a massage parlor a month into our relationship, I just had no respect for him. It was a mess). Usually he checks up on me when I was out with friends. Nothing this time. So I was highly suspicious. I had access to his bank accounts, phone records (only outgoing calls shown, but stil), and google search history. I saw the google history for escorts. My heart shattered. I hyperventilated. I confirmed all this with the phone records. I had been messaging him all night befire. He ignored me. He claimed he was tired, but that's what he ended up doing. I called him the next day at work. He acted sweet at first. He said he just slept last night. Then I told him I knew what he did (often times I would pretend that I did, just to test him, but I was confident this time because I had the evidence). And instead of apologizing, he just said that we were done. It was so callous and cowardly. Although we had broken up many, many times that week, we had mutually agreed to continue. I just don't understand why he would pretend to want to work on things when he had his eyes on prostitutes, which was a huge issue for me. I had become very insecure about it, always checking his records and thinking he was sneaking in a mid-day handjob (as he did one month into our marriage). I will never know everything he did. '

I would just like to know how to stop wanting closure FROM HIM, since it is obviously something I need to do myself. I try to break contact, but I have a lot of difficulty with it. Anytime I ask him for answers, the shallowness and coolness of his responses hurts me anymore. I wonder if he looked for a prostituts just so he had something which would assure I'd stay away from him(I can't verify that he went to a prostitute, though he probably did. And I think he got the $$ by selling our ring. But that is conjecture—I know he tried selling it once before,.Not sure why he didn't actually do it).

He did this to me once before, the distance and coolness. I'm expecting from him to spiral downward again, since this is how he acts when he is about to, and call me from a mental hospital, begging me back, because he has nothing else in his life. And you know what, I want him to do that, this way I can reject him and maybe he will feel as alone as he has made me. I know that is terrible, but I just feel like I am the only one who is feeling this. He is able to numb himself with prostitutes and alcohol. I'm not even sure if he has to numb himself, though; it just seems like he doesn't give any care, the prostitutes are just a nice bonus.

I was addicted to him, or as my therapist says, I was addicted to his neediness. I did not feel happy after I saw him; I just wanted more of him, because I felt unhappy with him and my life, but being with him distracted me. So now, like any addiction, I am withdrawing. I can't help myself from contacting him. I am so curious to see his state of mind. I also feel duped—a second time. He was a great wooer and charmer in the beginning . I feel like it was all a sham, like I said lust and anticipation. He told me, after he broke up with me and ignored me and looked for prostitutes that all he wanted was me and those were ugly habits and impulses. It's clear to me know that he really is that person. He is an evil monster inside. (claims he didn't go to a prostitute, though I can never account for the hundreds of dollars he spent that week AND I found one address in the GPS, he claims he didn't go. Mostly don't believe, but I don't want to believe it).

I know the end of this relationship is the best thing that he ever did for me. But I really need to know how to let go. It was crippled with an enormous amount of co-dependency. I am having a hard time wondering how he is and how he is going to behave in the future. How do I stop caring? How do I stop giving a f** about this loser who couldn't even support us, who was living of his parents' inheritances? Who wre-e-ecked me (Miley Cyrus you guys hahaha)?
I would just like to know how to stop wanting closure FROM HIM, since it is obviously something I need to do myself. I try to break contact, but I have a lot of difficulty with it. Anytime I ask him for answers, the shallowness and coolness of his responses hurts me anymore. I wonder if he looked for a ***** just so he had something which would assure I'd stay away from him(I can't verify that he went to a *****, though he probably did. And I think he got the $$ by selling our ring. But that is conjecture—I know he tried selling it once before,.Not sure why he didn't actually do it).

He did this to me once before, the distance and coolness. I'm expecting from him to spiral downward again, since this is how he acts when he is about to, and call me from a mental hospital, begging me back, because he has nothing else in his life. And you know what, I want him to do that, this way I can reject him and maybe he will feel as alone as he has made me. I know that is terrible, but I just feel like I am the only one who is feeling this. He is able to numb himself with *****s and alcohol. I'm not even sure if he has to numb himself, though; it just seems like he doesn't give any ****, the *****s are just a nice bonus.

I was addicted to him, or as my therapist says, I was addicted to his neediness. I did not feel happy after I saw him; I just wanted more of him, because I felt unhappy with him and my life, but being with him distracted me. So now, like any addiction, I am withdrawing. I can't help myself from contacting him. I am so curious to see his state of mind. I also feel duped—a second time. He was a great wooer and charmer in the beginning . I feel like it was all a sham, like I said lust and anticipation. He told me, after he broke up with me and ignored me and looked for *****s that all he wanted was me and those were ugly habits and impulses. It's clear to me know that he really is that person. He is an evil monster inside. (claims he didn't go to a *****, though I can never account for the hundreds of dollars he spent that week AND I found one address in the GPS, he claims he didn't go. Mostly don't believe, but I don't want to believe it).

I know the end of this relationship is the best thing that he ever did for me. But I really need to know how to let go. It was crippled with an enormous amount of co-dependency. I am having a hard time wondering how he is and how he is going to behave in the future. How do I stop caring? How do I stop giving a f** about this loser who couldn't even support us, who was living of his parents' inheritances? Who wre-e-ecked me (Miley Cyrus you guys hahaha)?

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

Turbulent Engagement

Hi guys. I've been lurking around here for a while, reading up on marriage in general I suppose. I'm a female in my late 20's, engaged to be married. We haven't set a date yet, and I'm starting to think we never will. Neither one of us has pushed for setting a date. Actually we haven't really discussed the wedding much at all. And I think that's either because: 1) we've been going through a very rough patch, or 2) he really doesn't want to get married. Or maybe it's both :(

This man likes to test my trust a bit. And our relationship is one of those passionate ones.. something of a love-hate relationship that can, at times, be a real downer. The dramatics are mostly my fault. As much as I love this guy, there are times when I just can't stand him. He'll do something little that upsets me, and everything he's ever done wrong, including some issues we've had with an ex girlfriend of his in the past, come rushing back to me. I throw a fit basically, and we fight. The fights are horrible. In those moments, I can't stand the sight of him. I pack his things. I say hurtful words. I push all his buttons. We throw things, slam doors, walk out, etc. Yet as bad as the fights are, we usually make up within hours. Never have we actually broken up for more than a day or so. But it's all taken its toll, has become a bad habit, and we're afraid we're addicted to or stuck in this cycle. When we make up, the chemicals between us fly and the "high" is something we get caught up in. We'll stay in and do nothing but have make-up sex for 3 days straight after a big blow out.

We're both so much alike. Similar upbringings. We both came from broken, but privileged homes where we were spoiled only children. We're both stubborn and quick to anger. We both like to get our way. Yet we both love each other like no one we've ever loved before. We are best friends. We trust each other with truths and secrets we've never told anyone else before. We can be vulnerable with each other, and we're always open and honest. We fight so much because we don't hold anything in. He is less crazy than I am though, lol. Has a little more control. I'm almost always the one who starts the fighting, and it's always because at the time, I feel I deserve "better".. even though realistically, I know there is NO ONE better for me out there than him.

I've always had some personality issues. I've always disliked or feared the thought of abandonment, and tend to ruin friendships and relationships before the other person has a chance to hurt me. I've always been quick to anger and my reactions to things can be over-the-top. My moods can change in an instant. I've gotten much better with age though, and before this guy I was able to have calm and stable relationships. But something about my fiance really woke me up emotionally. Before him I was always a little aloof, a little cold and a little uncaring in relationships. I hadn't experienced love like this.. Never had I cared for a boyfriend so deeply.

I've tried therapy and even medications in the past (my doctor seemed to think I would benefit from anit-depressants) but those didn't seem to help. Therapy would leave me feeling drained and confused, and medications made me ACTUALLY depressed and even angry, apathetic and mean.

Now I'm scared he regrets asking me to marry him. He was married once before in his early 20's, and his wife at the time cheated on him. I know he trusts me completely, as I've never done anything to break or even slightly bend that trust, but still I'm sure he fears things going wrong, infidelity and/or another divorce. When we met 3 years ago, neither one of us thought we'd get married in the future. But as we fell so deeply in love, that changed. He proposed and I knew I was meant to be with him for the long haul.

Breaking up isn't something I'm considering. There is never any physical violence, and as bad as we fight, our good times are great. He is wonderful to me. Patient and more understanding of me than anyone I've ever known. Probably because we are so much a like. He says I'm his soul mate.. his female self. I'm working on my issues, and it's a long road. Bless him, he has stuck by me through this all. I know he loves me more than anything. He's proved it time and time again. But I understand why he may be scared to make this commitment. Things got to be their worst after he proposed, and prior to that we were doing very, very well.

So I guess I'm asking for some suggestions on how to to turn this around. How I can learn to move on from his past mistakes and let go of old fights. I love him so much that every little thing he does that upsets me nearly breaks my heart. I know it's wrong and crazy. I know. My friends and family tell me that this sort of thing is normal. That passionate relationships include a lot of fighting, but that simply means we love each other that much to fight the way we do. I don't know if I buy that exactly. The fights cause a lot of pain. But I also know that there is hope for us. He has always worked hard on himself and improved when need be. We've made it through some things that would tear other couples apart. We may be on a bumpy road, but we're also very strong.

I'm also wondering if I should not bring up marriage or the wedding for a while, until things have gotten better. I have no problem with this. He clearly isn't rushing into it, and by not ever really talking about it, I can tell he's sort of putting it off. We did have a talk about it recently, and he just said, "Of course I want to marry you. Whenever you want to get married, we will!" But I know him so well. I could tell he was just being nice. Saying what I wanted to hear. I could sense the tension under the surface.

Also, how long of a sort of "peace period" should we go through to know it's going to stick? The last thing I ever want to do is make him feel pressured into marrying me when our relationship is as rocky as it has been.

Sorry this got so long. Thank you to those who read and reply.

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Bipolar, Sex-addicted Husband--How Do I Move On from This Relationship?

We had our 5 month wedding anniversary this past week (we've known each other for 11 months and have been in a relationship for all of those 11 months). On the day after our 5 month wedding anniversary we were supposed to meet up, but we were both pretty tired. I thought. I was about to meet a friend (which I lied to him about; it was actually an ex of mine, but he had done so many wrongs to me that I decided I'll do what I want and I thought it was innocent—this is exactly why we didn't work. After I found out he went to get a handjob at a massage parlor a month into our relationship, I just had no respect for him. It was a mess). Usually he checks up on me when I was out with friends. Nothing this time. So I was highly suspicious. I had access to his bank accounts, phone records (only outgoing calls shown, but stil), and google search history. I saw the google history for escorts. My heart shattered. I hyperventilated. I confirmed all this with the phone records. I had been messaging him all night befire. He ignored me. He claimed he was tired, but that's what he ended up doing. I called him the next day at work. He acted sweet at first. He said he just slept last night. Then I told him I knew what he did (often times I would pretend that I did, just to test him, but I was confident this time because I had the evidence). And instead of apologizing, he just said that we were done. It was so callous and cowardly. Although we had broken up many, many times that week, we had mutually agreed to continue. I just don't understand why he would pretend to want to work on things when he had his eyes on prostitutes, which was a huge issue for me. I had become very insecure about it, always checking his records and thinking he was sneaking in a mid-day handjob (as he did one month into our marriage). I will never know everything he did. '

I would just like to know how to stop wanting closure FROM HIM, since it is obviously something I need to do myself. I try to break contact, but I have a lot of difficulty with it. Anytime I ask him for answers, the shallowness and coolness of his responses hurts me anymore. I wonder if he looked for a prostituts just so he had something which would assure I'd stay away from him(I can't verify that he went to a prostitute, though he probably did. And I think he got the $$ by selling our ring. But that is conjecture—I know he tried selling it once before,.Not sure why he didn't actually do it).

He did this to me once before, the distance and coolness. I'm expecting from him to spiral downward again, since this is how he acts when he is about to, and call me from a mental hospital, begging me back, because he has nothing else in his life. And you know what, I want him to do that, this way I can reject him and maybe he will feel as alone as he has made me. I know that is terrible, but I just feel like I am the only one who is feeling this. He is able to numb himself with prostitutes and alcohol. I'm not even sure if he has to numb himself, though; it just seems like he doesn't give any care, the prostitutes are just a nice bonus.

I was addicted to him, or as my therapist says, I was addicted to his neediness. I did not feel happy after I saw him; I just wanted more of him, because I felt unhappy with him and my life, but being with him distracted me. So now, like any addiction, I am withdrawing. I can't help myself from contacting him. I am so curious to see his state of mind. I also feel duped—a second time. He was a great wooer and charmer in the beginning . I feel like it was all a sham, like I said lust and anticipation. He told me, after he broke up with me and ignored me and looked for prostitutes that all he wanted was me and those were ugly habits and impulses. It's clear to me know that he really is that person. He is an evil monster inside. (claims he didn't go to a prostitute, though I can never account for the hundreds of dollars he spent that week AND I found one address in the GPS, he claims he didn't go. Mostly don't believe, but I don't want to believe it).

I know the end of this relationship is the best thing that he ever did for me. But I really need to know how to let go. It was crippled with an enormous amount of co-dependency. I am having a hard time wondering how he is and how he is going to behave in the future. How do I stop caring? How do I stop giving a f** about this loser who couldn't even support us, who was living of his parents' inheritances? Who wre-e-ecked me (Miley Cyrus you guys hahaha)?
I would just like to know how to stop wanting closure FROM HIM, since it is obviously something I need to do myself. I try to break contact, but I have a lot of difficulty with it. Anytime I ask him for answers, the shallowness and coolness of his responses hurts me anymore. I wonder if he looked for a ***** just so he had something which would assure I'd stay away from him(I can't verify that he went to a *****, though he probably did. And I think he got the $$ by selling our ring. But that is conjecture—I know he tried selling it once before,.Not sure why he didn't actually do it).

He did this to me once before, the distance and coolness. I'm expecting from him to spiral downward again, since this is how he acts when he is about to, and call me from a mental hospital, begging me back, because he has nothing else in his life. And you know what, I want him to do that, this way I can reject him and maybe he will feel as alone as he has made me. I know that is terrible, but I just feel like I am the only one who is feeling this. He is able to numb himself with *****s and alcohol. I'm not even sure if he has to numb himself, though; it just seems like he doesn't give any ****, the *****s are just a nice bonus.

I was addicted to him, or as my therapist says, I was addicted to his neediness. I did not feel happy after I saw him; I just wanted more of him, because I felt unhappy with him and my life, but being with him distracted me. So now, like any addiction, I am withdrawing. I can't help myself from contacting him. I am so curious to see his state of mind. I also feel duped—a second time. He was a great wooer and charmer in the beginning . I feel like it was all a sham, like I said lust and anticipation. He told me, after he broke up with me and ignored me and looked for *****s that all he wanted was me and those were ugly habits and impulses. It's clear to me know that he really is that person. He is an evil monster inside. (claims he didn't go to a *****, though I can never account for the hundreds of dollars he spent that week AND I found one address in the GPS, he claims he didn't go. Mostly don't believe, but I don't want to believe it).

I know the end of this relationship is the best thing that he ever did for me. But I really need to know how to let go. It was crippled with an enormous amount of co-dependency. I am having a hard time wondering how he is and how he is going to behave in the future. How do I stop caring? How do I stop giving a f** about this loser who couldn't even support us, who was living of his parents' inheritances? Who wre-e-ecked me (Miley Cyrus you guys hahaha)?

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

Ending an EA that never went physical -- better to come clean or not?

This is water under the bridge for me, but years ago I had an EA. When I realized I needed to end it, I told my wife about it. A close family member of mine who I told about the situation thought I had done the wrong thing, that I should have never told -- she even said it was "selfish" of me to tell her, and that I was just hurting her. But for me it seemed like the necessary thing to do to make a complete break in the EA and to restore a sense of honesty and trust between me and my spouse. Of course the OW also tried to convince me I did the wrong thing by telling (when I gave her the "it's over" talk), but I can hardly trust her motives on that.

Anyway, I just wonder what people think about this -- better to tell or not?

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Would this annoy you?

My husband and I rarely have sex. The history is ugly. Anyway he constantly offers to rub my arm. That's very nice of him. But he does not initiate sex. This morning laying in bed about 1 minute before our Son comes in to get ready for School he started massaging my boob. But he def did not seem to be initiating. Just massaging my breast. He knows I don't like that ..even during sex. Just not my thing.

I'm not sure why this ticked me off so much. I leaned up and just said hey we need to get moving, and he just laid there. So I laid back down for a second and he did it again. It just really ticked me off. Made me mad.... Prob because it reinforced the fact that he doesn't listen to my wants and needs. But maybe I'm just a pain in the arse.

Would that bother you?
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Which one is better?

Which one do you think looks better? Hair wise, got it cut today!

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Just cause a girl laughs, doesn't mean she wants you?

Right? there's a girl in work, she chuckles when i try to be funny or say something slighlty amusing, almost a soft laugh, do you think it could be just a polite laugh? Girls is there such thing as a polite laugh?

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'We can just be cool now'

So the other day my ex girlfriend (whom i do still have feelings for) started messaging me being by correcting my grammar from a message i sent her weeks ago (pretty strange I know) and then she started being incredibly cheeky towards me, saying how i treated her badly and all that jazz. Eventually I got annoyed so i politely told her where to go and said thanked her for being such a bitch to me as it helped me realise what she is really like and gives me a reason not to miss her. She then started saying how I made her feel this way all the time when we were in a relationship and apologized for being cheeky earlier and said how she didnt mean to do it etc etc
The thing is though, in her last message she said how she is 'glad we have spoken about all of this and can be cool now'
Now since girls talk in ****ing riddles i have no clue what this means. Does she want to be friends with her? or is this a polite way of saying she doesnt want to talk to me? or is she hinting that she wants to try again? I know this probably isnt enough info to go on, but what do you guys think this means?
thanks

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I think my dad is cheating on my mum

Anonymous please.

So me and my dad have never got along if I'm honest, he's of Asian background and was born in Pakistan but has been here 20 years now but is still sort of stuck in his old ways and with me being born in the UK with my mum also being born here we have very different mind sets.

Now my mum and dad have never had a happy marriage, my mum was forced to get married to him at a young age by her father and brothers. So you can guess how miserable she is not being able to live her life and be happy and never really had a childhood.

The other day my dad was at work and me, my older sister and mum were at home and she found a receipt for condoms on the sofa where my dad ALWAYS sits, the receipt was from Monday (my dad' day off from work). She asked if I bought them and I said no as I was at university at that time, my sister was at work and my mum was at the hospital with my younger sister at the time that was on the receipt.

Recently I've been watching my dad and have noticed a change in his mood (he's always a grumpy moody git) he has been much more upbeat and using his phone to text and whatnot which he never does.

I know that he hasn't been using them with my mum as they sleep in separate rooms and my mum honestly cant stand him, as well as the fact she asked me if the receipt was mine so she must have suspicions to. Now I really feel for my mum and her situation that shes in as shes so unhappy and given up her entire life so far to look after this family so she must be going through hell right now.

Also I know I shouldn't of been snooping but I checked under his bed earlier and found 2 boxes of different condoms to the ones on the receipt, one box was complete empty and one was still sealed. My mum always checks under my dad' bed so I am pretty certain shes seen these to.

My question is should I confront him about it and see what he says but it would be too awkward as we don't really talk much anyways, but I really want to help my mum out somehow.

Sorry this is so long but its really doing my head in as I love my mum so much and can really see that its eating her up. Thanks for any advice.

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This girl at uni

Shes in a decent amount of my lectures.

And i saw once in freshers week on one of the buses to the clubs, had a breif convo and when we got off we went in our different groups.

normally i would have a problem to go talk to her but shes always with this one female friend, plus it just seems weird trying to chat her up in the sorta formal setting.


if i ever see her on a night out again i'll definitely try but do i have any options?

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via Personal Recipe 2629979

Promise Rings?

Anon because my gf is on here!

I have decided that I would like to get my gf a promise ring. I feel strongly for her, and I would like to give something to symbolize my commitment to her. I looked online at the concept of promise rings and it seems pretty cool.

I just wanted to ask your opinions on the best way to give it to her regarding what to say or where to take her? And if any girls have received promise rings, what they thought of it? Also, do guys get promise rings too? Or is it just a female thing? :confused:

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I just can't meet a girl, i'm so lonely

I started UNI a month ago, I've never had a girlfriend, i'm not bad looking, not the best I know though. it's just every nice girl I meet seems to be in a relationship, and i'm not the kinda guy who can just wander up to a girl in a club and 'pull a move' etc. Just not that kinda guy, never have been. I'm just really having trouble meeting others, my course is nearly all guys, I've joined clubs, tennis and that's mainly guys, not more activities I know of, im so lonely as all my mates all talk about oh ive been with her, seeing my missus etc. I feel so down, just wish I could get a girlfriend. please give me some pointers into how I could

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Im sick and tired of my mum

My mum is never happy with anything, she just complains and moans at me all the time. As soon as I get in from school it starts, I spend 99% of my time in my room when im at home. I got my report today and got below the expected level in all three of my subjects - this is based on statistics not class work/contribution etc. She had a go at me about this and said 'youre not going to get anywhere, you should start looking at apprenticeships or get a job' 'youre not going to get into uni' ' you think youre too good and that you know it all' 'all you do is sit in your room, you slag'. I tried explaining how it works but she didn't listen. I work hard in lessons and have been getting good grades on homework and tests etc. Anything I do is never good enough. My AS grades weren't that great because of various reasons (including my parents arguing to the extent that me and my sisters and mum got kicked out of the house the night before my chemistry exam). I didn' t hear the end of it and still get stick for it now. Im absolutely sick of my mum and cant deal with it any longer, she kills my motivation to study and work hard and ruins my mood all the time. Sorry for the rant but I needed to get it all out. Any advice?

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via Personal Recipe 2629979