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Men's Fashion: Search for the Essential Cool Pt. 2: the Guyabera Shirt

"Mexican Wedding Shirt"

"Shirt-jac"

"Bush Jacket"

"Camisa de Yucatan"

"Smoking Shirt"



The gentlemanly Guyabera goes by so many names, because it is so popular in so many countries in the Americas. It truly is one of the only shirts that we men in the Western Hemisphere can call our own. It is a staple of mens' fashion from Florida down to the tip of South America...and even as far away as the Philippines.

No one is sure how the Guyabera came to be, but the general consensus is that it was developed in Mexico during the 19th Century and passed over to the water to Cuba, Puerto Rico and the other Spanish colonies with the 19th century sea trade. Each island and subsequent Latino country it traveled to put its own spin on the shirt, adding or detracting from it based on the local fashion senses of the day.

What is for sure? The Guyabera is one rad, elegant piece of men's' clothing. Every fashionably conscious man should have at least one hanging in his closet. (I have three :))

Despite subtle regional differences, the Guayabera usually follows the same pattern. It is almost always made from a lightweight cotton or hemp linen, pleated on the front and back with two bands of parallel banding, embroidery or pleating. It can come with two to four pockets... or no pockets at all.

Guayaberas are exceptionally versatile. They are worn as both dress shirts for weddings and funerals, yet are just as welcome at the office on Fridays or at your neighbor's lawn party. They are never, ever tucked in!... and look best when paired with a nice pair of light colored chinos, khakis or faded levis. The lightweight linen construction makes them a go-to garment for summer, but Guyaberas are also available in heavier weaves and long sleeves for fall wear.

There is no excuse for any conscientious male with a pulse not to have one of these in his wardrobe.

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How to fall in love?

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How to deal with someone else's kids?

Been wondering lately, in wake of so many disappointments in the dating scene since seperation... that I may have to lift a few of my standards. One of them, has been that I don't date women with children, despite being a father myself. Main reason for that - I don't know how to handle them!

I can't stand the little brats!

My daughter / extended family are obviously exceptions because well, family. But a stranger's son or daughter? How? Ack can just imagine me with a woman with 5 kids or something WTF...

How do you guys - who have dated women with kids - deal with the extra baggage? What expectations are laid on you? And what responsibilities?

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I don't want my hubby to get a vasectomy

I've been married for 3 years and before we got married we decided to try to have children once we were financially well. I'm 38yo and he is 39. We have a blended family but we do not have a child together. I got pregnant twice but miscarried. He now wants a vasectomy and I don't want him to end all possibility of having a baby with him. He has 3 children of his own and I have 1 son that is now out of the home. He feels he is to old to have another baby and says he is tired. My youngest step son is 6 and I help out as much as possible. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore and he is so angry with me bc I do not agree with him getting a vasectomy. I don't know what to to. I feel like I've been lied to and I don't trust him but I love him and I won't divorce him. Help!

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Man w/kids vs. woman w/kids

The common perception used to be that a divorced man with kids, even with a large and steady income stream, was damaged goods in the eyes of a potential single childless partner. Likewise a woman with kids may have been equally unsuitable for a childless partner, not having the time to devote to a new relationship. Do people in the 30-40-yr-old range have these perceptions today? How does divorced-dating-commitment-free people work out in reality vs expectations?

Is it wiser to stick to people in the same predicament (post-marriage, with kids)? After all, online dating makes it easier to filter.

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A Good Marriage

I have often said that being married to my spouse has been the easiest thing I've ever done. It is my easiest relationship and my easiest commitment. I've been told by numerous people this can't possibly be true since marriage only has a fifty percent success rate, or whatever the rate is today. I suppose I am a special snowflake but I don't think that is it....how has your marriage been overall if you have been together ten or more years? Has it been harder than your other relationships? Do you still respect your spouse? Do you stay for the kids? I thought it would be good for young married to see some of the stuff that comes up so they can be prepared.

For me, the single biggest challenge has been learning how to be an authentic, well rounded person....independent and in pursuit of my own hopes and dreams. I could have easily given my entire self to him, but I'm glad that we both have worked to be interesting people with our own stories. We have upheld our sense of selves while also being interconnected. I know where he begins and I stop. I like that I learn something new about him and that he has his own friends and interests outside of me. I have more to share with him than if I only concentrated on him.

Please feel free to share your challenges and successes. :)

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either you trust each other or you don't

There's something about that statement that I don't like.

anyone else who agrees with me and can articulate, please have a go.

Anyone who thinks that statement reflects a lot of relationship wisdom, please help me to see why.

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What did you do with the ring?

What did you do with your wedding ring? Is it pretty easy to pawn such things? Is there a way to get more money than that?

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Advice on NPD

I have been married for 8 years now, I am 63 and my wife is 59. I have been to counselling but my wife has refused to go, I have researched our problems and I think that she has NPD, she did not bond with her mother at a young age. Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with NPD, I feel very sorry for her. Many thanks in anticipation.

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I feel so conflicted

So it has been close to a year since I posted any updates. My husband had an EA with a much younger co-worker almost 3 years ago. At that time we had been married 6 years and we have 2 boys ages 8 and 6. I did everything wrong after finding out. I begged him to stay and did all of the heavy lifting of trying to repair our relationship for two years. This whole time he continued working with the home wrecker. I finally put my foot down and he said he wanted a divorce. We filed in March of last year. He moved out and I had a wonderful summer during which I met someone who was the complete opposite of my stb ex. I was so happy. My husband found out I was seeing someone else. He flipped out and was angry at first. That turned into begging me for another chance. To sum it up I put some hard boundaries down and agreed to give him another chance. He moved back in last September. It has been rocky to say the least but he has made some positive changes. We are bot h in therapy and on the surface things look good. I am really struggling with feelings of regret for letting him back in. I don't have any feelings towards him. I just feel anger and at times indifference. I feel like everything he is doing is fake. I don't know if I should end it or give it more time.
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Wife wants out after 9 years.

I have found a lot of solice reading some of the forums, mainly because of recurring themes which tells me to some extent things like this happen.
My wife told me after a daily minor argument last weeken that she loves me but doesn't like me and isn't sure we should stay together. We have a 4.5 year old little girl.
I would be lying if I told you I never did anything to hurt our relationship. I have hit her or cheated but I have a temper and about 20 times in our entire marriage I went off in manner unbecoming of a good husband. In fairness she gave as good in return but I take 100% accountability for it.
Here's the rub, everything she tells me she wants to see changed I am completely on board with...but, there is a catch, she has fybromyalgia and is on several medications 1/2 of which affect her mood. I believe this is also affecting her judgment even though I think her request are still completely reasonable.
I love her completely, she is a great mom and wife considering all the setbacks she has had. But it does feel like I am going to be single again and I am still shocked by that thought.

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Adult kids and equal gifts

I know most of the topics on this forum are geared toward younger children but thought I would throw this out there.

I have a daughter who is an outstanding young woman, has worked her butt of to live independent and finish college. I pay her tuition and car insurance but other than that she is on her own and has been for four years.

My son has struggled, failed out of college and would have lived with me forever if I hadn't of thrown him out due to drinking and drug use. He is doing much better now, I gave him a job at my business and he is a hard worker, he has worked for me over a year, I am proud of the changes he has made in his life.

So here's the thing, I have had it in the back of my mind that when my daughter finishes college (this fall) I would buy her a new car as a graduation gift and a reward for working so hard these past few years. I figure it will give her one less thing to worry about when she starts her new life.

But does that send the wrong message to my son? I don't want my son to feel like I am disappointed in him or love him less. My thinking is my son is earning a good paycheck and can support himself, and I gave him that opportunity. And yes I paid for my daughters education so gave her that opportunity, but just want to give her a bit more help.

Any thoughts?

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male sex toys

I have a sexless marriage, not my doing. For pleasure does anybody recommend a fleshlight instead of a do it yourself HJ. I think my wife suffers from NPD. She has suggested that I have been to prostitutes, which I can assure you I have not. My one question is will a Fleshlight disappoint.

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Number of Sex partners

My wife and I were both virgins when we met. That changed af year before marriage. That' was in he 60s.

If that was also you, do you wish you had more experience?

Do you believe your marriage is better because you did have experience?

And, have you shared with your spouse your previous experiences?

And if had previous experiences, do you ever wish you had waited?

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Was this my subconscious telling me something?

Funny how we think of things later as the marriage becomes a fuzzier and fuzzier memory.

I remember, every so often, even when our marriage seemed solid and before the detachment of her emotionally, walking up to my wife randomly and asking her, "are you happy being married?" or "are you happy?"..."do you like being married?"...she'd be folding the laundry or just watching t.v. Every so often I'd just ask this outright...then, about 6 months before she left, still not feeling anything was wrong, I asked, "are you going to leave me when the kids get older and move out?". She always answered with "as if" or " yes, I like being married to you",and it stopped there...the subject would change or she'd cast her attention to what she was doing and say something frivolous...but never looking me in the eye when she answered me or spoke in response.

I wonder if this was a subconscious thing for me...did I need reassurance, even though everything seemed ok? Even when she said I love you, she'd be looking away almost every time. Is this odd that I'd ask this out of the blue?

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