I've been reading for the last year or so here about how men need women to be enthusiastic about sex for it to be a good experience for them. Without a woman's active participation, perhaps even initiation, some will just refuse it at all. She makes or breaks the experience for both of them, it seems.
I never thought that was true in my marriage, but reading here really put a question mark in my mind. Was I just clueless about my husband and his sexual satisfaction? Have I just completely overlooked this over more than two decades? Could I be just as blind in this area as I accuse my husband of being in other areas?
Self doubt on the subject crept in, settling itself on top of the ever-present layer of general insecurity . . .
So Thursday night I got mad at my husband. I didn't think he was being sufficiently sensitive about a wound from the past. We talked about it yesterday morning and I felt a little better, but even last night I wasn't really over it.
So he got home late last night and we talked a little more . . . and he started putting the moves on me. So I realize where this is headed and I don't really feel like it, but I don't really want to deny him either. I mean, we had not had sex for two days, and I knew he was hungry.
But as my feelings were still hurt from the lack of complete resolution of the aforementioned wound, I was basically just lying there, total starfish. I even turned my head to the side. Did not seem to have any impact.
So this morning I'm still upset about the other issue, plus another issue that has come up. Dh, meanwhile, is trying to scoot out the door with the kids to get them to their Saturday morning activities.
He comes home to get something mid-morning and we talk for a minute. He's got his arms around me and I'm just kind of talking into his chest. I mentioned about how I didn't think it was very good what he did last night. He said he realizes that. And then I say something like That really couldn't have been very good for you, could it?
Silence.
And then, I feel him laughing.
I look up and pull away, shocked. Then he is outright laughing!
Then I start laughing, too. He was fine with last night. I know he was!
So I have come to the conclusion that, despite what I have read here, I am not clueless about my husband. Not every man cares if the woman participates enthusiastically or not. The sensitive, romantic ones do. But brutes like mine, I guess, seem truly fine with just . . . availability.
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