Advice on sex in my relationship

I will begin my story by saying that I went through a divorce. I was married 16 years and there was little to no sex. Two years later I met a wonderful man. A single dad with two boys. In the beginning the sex was great. We dated for 6 months then I bought a house and they moved in with me and my teenage son.

Two months after we moved in together the sex stopped. He suddenly began having problems with erections. He's 47 and I'm 45 and honestly we look younger. lol

He confided in me that this had been a problem in the past for him. I felt kinda betrayed because I had expressed how important sex and intimacy was for me. It was something that I wanted and needed in my life. I felt like he was no honest from the beginning.

We have tried a few times to have sex. sometimes he does ok. sometimes he doesn't. Most of the time I initiate sex. Or I tell him we are having sex. He never acts interested. I truly feel unattractive at times. I have tried not to be selfish and understanding.

He has visited an MD to talk about this problem but he refuses to take any meds to help.

Tonight we had a sitter so we had a date night. We went out to dinner and a movie and we were home by 9. He immediately went for the couch and TV. I was hurt. I mean how many times are we actually alone.

I basically said I'm not watching TV. He looked at me and said "OH ok". we did have sex at my suggestion. It didn't last long and I felt as if he was pacifying me.

We have had a lot of discussion's about our lack of intimacy. I truly love him but I'm at my wits end. Tonight I told myself that if we didn't have sex I was going to end the relationship.

I just don't know. Am I being selfish? I the last 9 months we have had sex 2 times successfully. we have only tried 4 times. I just feel like he needs to give more effort.

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Relationship with your father

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Relationship with your father

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• 2 minutes ago 2m ago

I'm a 22 year old woman. Growing up I had a very difficult relationship with my dad. He was volatile and sometimes verbally aggressive, a lot of the time emotionally cold, I didn't receive much physical effection from him.

Now grown up I'm finding myself clingy needy and looking for a father figuire anywhere and everywhere from my doctor to my boss.

And it's probably so obvious to them :o. I can't go through life behaving like daddies little girl to every second man or maybe feigning being a woman but inside looking at them as someone who's looking after me... It is so messed up.

Anyone else have difficult relationships with their parents and find themselves navigating adult relationships really awkwardly like this? Or anyone manage to sort of 'grow out of it'?

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Religious parents.

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Religious parents.

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• 1 Hour Ago 1 hour ago

I recently got offered at place at a top university institution in the England, but its hundreds of miles away. My parents (parents are conservative muslims)have in the past threaten to cut me off if i don't go to the local university (which is really low ranked ~80s). What can i do in this situation?

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Did I cause it?

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Did I cause it?

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• 15 hours ago 15h ago

So my now ex and I had just gone off to uni. I was having a **** time, she was loving it. Basically I told her over the phone that I was considering dropping out or changing course (would be the second time) and that I felt my depression (which she knew about) coming back.

Now, in hindsight I see that this might have made me look pretty damn weak. Anywho, within a few weeks she started seeing someone else and called us off. Think I was to blame?

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Wife let me have an open relationship...

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Wife let me have an open relationship...

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• 15 hours ago 15h ago

Hi everyone,

My wife has known I have been bisexual right from the get go. Im only 24 and I have a high sex drive on the other hand she doesn't. So anyways, the other day we were talking about our sex life and we got on to the discussion of letting me sleep with other people as a way to fulfill my sex drive. My wife decided that females were not who she would let me sleep with but she decided it was ok for me to sleep with males which was fine with me. I get my needs met by her and then I get my male needs met by a guy.

Well this happened only a few days ago. I have been having built up urges to have sex with a guy and finally I was allowed to.

What I did next, I am wondering how I should feel about it........

3 days after we decided what I mentioned above, I went and slept with two guys in one night ...only hours apart. I wore protection for one and not for the other.

I feel guilty, yet not guilty, I feel like a slut, I feel all kinds of emotions.

I just want to talk about it and hear other peoples opinions on how I should feel or what.....im just confused that's all.

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Is it a date or not?

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Is it a date or not?

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• 17 hours ago 17h ago

So, there's this guy that I sort of like who was originally a crush. Recently, I've developed a very strong attraction to him, he seems just about perfect for me as we have so much in common and get on really well. We started talking on Facebook around a week and a half ago, at this point I had a crush on him for over a year, thus I was pretty nervous. We met up in school a few days ago, it went okay although I admit that I could've been less awkward. That night, I asked if he wanted to meet outside of school to get to know each other better and suggested a movie or something. To my surprise, he said yes - I didn't expect him to want to, I thought that I wasn't exactly most friendly when we met. Anyway, just today, he offered to pay for my ticket. I'd feel guilty if he did, but at the same time this was very sweet and made me all giggly and happy inside. I have one question, is this a date? We've exchanged numbers and stuff but I'm not sure whether he does actuall y like me or not. Parts of his behaviour suggest that he does, but I'd hate to get it wrong and feel upset about it afterwards. I really, really like this guy so in my mind it probably will be a date anyway.
By the way, he's in year 11 and I'm in year 10.

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Do you shush your husband?

Do you ever shush your husband? I got into the practice of doing this many years ago and it made a huge difference for us.

I was reminded of this after I came across a delightful blog post. He related a fight with his wife:

Quote:

During the trip I thought long and hard about how I had forgotten my own advice about being open and flexible to her will and showing the love and reverence that I always felt by being calm and ready to change direction when she wanted me to. I thought about how I could better prevent this type of thing from continuing to happen, and I remembered something I had read once about a marriage counselor who was not experiencing great success in her job and had a couple come in that just could not stop fighting. The counselor decided to try a radical new approach. Her advice was for the wife to simply put a band aid on hubbie's mouth when they fought and he would then remember to be silent. He could not speak again until she came and removed it. Everyone thought it was a crazy idea and that it wouldn't work. Even though the counselor never let on that she had her doubts. But as their relationship was just so tattered and close to the end, and little else had worked for them or any other couples, they tried it. The next time they met, the couple were all smiles and the simple "Hush up hubby, your woman is speaking" advice had saved their marriage! The first time they did it, they both started laughing and the fight ended. The next couple of times the silliness had worn off a little but they were both happy and hubby obeyed the rules and the whole situation d-escalated. This silly little example of defining just who was in charge had simplified everything.

(More of my own thoughts.)

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Wife fell out of Love

My beautiful wife of 34 years just told me she loves me , but is no longer in love with me, because she loves me she felt she had to tell me a about a rekindled friendship with an old "Friend" that she hasn't seen in years. She tells me that for a couple of years she has been unhappy because I didn't give her compliments and I have been depressed and filled with negativity. The last couple of years have been rough on my work side. She is absolutely beautiful and keeps herself in great shape. Recently she underwent surgery to enhance her breasts. When she walks into a room she is stared at by all. They have been talking via Facebook, and have met on occasions. Last night we talked some more and she told me she really likes him but is not in love with him, she also says that as long as she is married she will honor the tradition. She also tells me she is still trying to work it out with me. She doesn't want a divorce , or for me to move out yet , but she's says she pretty sure at some time in the future we won't be together. We are even going on a vacation in 3 weeks. I am trying so hard , but when i'am not with her i can't function. All i do is think about her and look at the clock so i can go home to her. I have asked her to go to counseling, but she won't. I keep asking her what i can do to make things better , and she replies nothing , it's all her. I am a broken man , the thought of her with another man is eating me alive.

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What do divorced people know about commitment that others don't?

Hi everyone. This is my first post here and I'm hoping you can give me perspective on something that has been troubling to me. While I've had long-term, serious relationships, I've never married. I actually rejected a marriage proposal b/c I didn't believe I was mature enough for marriage and I didn't think marriage was right for that relationship. I was recently told, by someone who has been married and divorced 3x, and is currently single, that I don't know anything about commitment.

How can someone who has broken a commitment three times claim superiority on this topic? I don't think ANYONE is superior - I believe that the decisions to marry those 3 people were not made lightly, nor the decisions to end those marriages. He believes all of those marriages were mistakes - it isn't like he remained committed and his wives left him. He was a willing participant in all three divorces.

I'm in my early 40s and my relationships have not been casual flings. I lived with one person for years and I know that isn't the same thing as marriage, but I was traumatized when that relationship ended. I had to understand enough about commitment to make a decision NOT to marry the wrong person and to have enough self-awareness to realize I wasn't ready for marriage. I didn't enter a holy sacrament in my relationships but I was committed during the time I was with those people, just like my friend was committed to his wives during the time he was married to them AND he felt enough of a sense of commitment to propose marriage in the first place. In the end, though, those proposals turned out to be misplaced - he was unable to remain committed. (I am not criticizing that at all - I don't think his relationship history makes him any more flawed than me or anyone else, it is just the path he has taken. He's a wonderful person and I hate that he's had so much pain in his p ast.)

Just b/c he FELT "til death do us part" committed to people in his past and I have not doesn't make him an expert in commitment and it doesn't make me clueless. We've had different experiences with commitment, that's all. I was really hurt by his comments b/c I take some pride in the fact that I didn't just get married when everyone thought I should b/c that's what society expects etc. I am a deeply spiritual person and I take the sacrament of marriage very seriously and I know it isn't just about who you pick, it is primarily about my own character and my own capacity and I knew my limits. I come from a family in which there were no marriage role models frankly, so I think the road to maturing in this area is a bit longer for me. Maybe if more people had that kind of self-awareness, there would be fewer divorces.

I recently read an article about a couple who has been married for 82 years. They are both over 100 years old. I think THEY are in a position to lecture the rest of us about commitment and I would gladly listen.

Anyway, I just want to put this out there and get some perspective. I do not mean any offense to ANYONE, regardless of your relationship history. I'm just very troubled by his comments and I feel very insulted about my own history.

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How should I deal with my husband's family's behaviour towards him and me?

Hi there

I'd so appreciate some thoughts on a really tough situation with my husband's family.

We have been married for 3 years and are 100% happy and in love. My husband has 2 children from his first marriage and got married really young (20) and now has 2 grown up kids.

We met five years ago when he had been divorced for a couple of years and it was actually his ex who wanted the divorce, as unknown to my husband, she was having an affair with the son of one of their mutual friends! So my husband didn't leave her on anything like that.

When we met, it was instant love. We came from very different backgrounds - both religion, even though neither of us are religious and I grew up and lived in London and he came from a village in the country.

My husband embraced all the different things I did, as I did with him; I never saw myself living outside London but was open minded and we now live in the countryside, which we love.

Everything was fine with all his family until we got married. A year ago, we went to a family wedding. His father booked the hotel for everyone and it wasn't cheap. The hotel gave my husband and I the wrong category room and it was disgusting. We complained to the hotel, not to any family and bizarrely, his father took offence that we complained, even though they had no hot water in their room, either! When we all drove home together, his mother then proceeded to tell me that he is now different and that sometimes it 'is him talking and sometimes it's not him, it's me' and implied he doesn't have a mind of his own or is influenced.

We were shocked and my mother was also in the car and nobody knew what to say. Since then, his parents have done a number of things that have hurt my husband: organising Christmas dinner with my husband's brother without even telling us, not calling him on his birthday despite us buying his mother an amazing birthday gift the month before, which she loved at the time, having an anniversary dinner and posting it on Facebook without inviting us, claiming that I don't celebrate anniversaries, which we always do and always celebrate anyone's big days in their life!

So wind forwards to tonight: his son borrowed some money from him a couple of months ago (but he is in full time employment) for his car insurance. He was meant to pay my husband back this month and now says he can't, only when my husband asked if he will be paying anything back. He then became confrontational on text, saying that if my husband doesn't stop behaving like this, he will lose all his family and that he knows the real person and not this person he has become!!!

My husband doesn't ask me what to do do or say to his family, he's a really strong, independent-minded man and if anything, puts me in my place if I'm wrong, no the other way round! I have tended to stay out of family arguments and have tried to remain neutral - I've never criticised his parents, but they will come to our house and make insulting comments about our home, plants needing watering, really minor things, but his mum makes comments nonetheless, which I haven't responded to, out of respect for the fact she is his mum.

So when I saw some awful messages from my husband's son tonight, threatening him with 'losing all his family' I was so angry. I texted his son and said he shouldn't speak to his father like this and should show him more respect, to which I was told that 'well you've got what you want now!'

Bearing in mind I often defended his son and some of his actions, I was shocked and upset. His kids and parents have always been welcomed and we had his daughter with us at Christmas - his son chose to spend it with his girlfriend of 4 months and came to see us 4 days after Xmas, asking us to 'recreate Christmas' for him!!

So I don't know what to do. I've remained neutral to all of this, apart from texting his son tonight, as I feel he is constantly being attacked by his family.

My husband said this has been the case for 20 years and he just used to say nothing, as they would bully him if he challenged anything and always put himself last - it was always about his wife and kids and parents and he basically came last, with nobody backing him up or really caring about him.

He's also done really well with work and started his own business 7 years ago, which over the last 2 years has done really well and it really feels like they are just resentful of his success and that we are enjoying life together.

What on earth can I do to help this situation? Or can I? Do we leave them to it, if this is how they feel? The relationship has broken down with his parents as the last time we saw them to try to resolve this, his father attacked me to the point of reducing me to tears, because I defended my husband.

I'm so sad by all of this, I want him to have a good relationship with his family and kids and always support their perspective and try to be a friend, as I'm not their mum, but his son has really hurt both my husband and me tonight and it seems like they are in a gang and we are being constantly attacked.

Please help!

Sincerely, BlueskyUK

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Need a little bit of hope today?

I loved this man so much. I have the best memories of watching his show and listening to his records. The world will never be the same without Mr. Rogers.

Watch Mister Rogers' heart-warming message to his grownup fans

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New sub-forum suggestion

I know we have this forum "life after divorce" but for the most part this seems to deal with immediate life after the divorce. I think it would be nice if another sub-forum was added to this section something along the lines of "recovered from divorce" for people who have been divorced and moved beyond it to better lives. I do not think I would be ready to migrate to that sub-forum just yet but I think it could be very inspirational to those of us who are currently recovering. How is life 12 months out? What kind of new relationships have been formed and how did the divorce effect them? I know some of these things are discussed in this sub-forum, but there is still a lot of "ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod why did it happen to me?" going on here (I am one of them at times)

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Boyfriend and good college grades...

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It's proving a struggle to say the least. It's demotivating not doing well at my A2'S and it's really getting me down :( HELP?!

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Strange ex texting.

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