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When you have had enough let it out. A forum style blog about relationship issues and concerns,join in and have your say.
Perseid Meteor Showers - "Tears of Saints" Aug 11/12th
Fights about sex/intimacy
| My wife and I are coming up on our five year wedding anniversary, and we have been together for close to nine and I love her with all of my being. I have a much higher sex drive than she does and over the past few years physical intimacy has dropped away, and we rarely have sex. The last few years it we only seem to have sex on special occasions, around our anniversary, around christmas, around my birthday and once randomly during the summer. And it works out to be roughly once every four months. We have had some rough patches over the past few years, I started going to night classes for a degree, which caused for a bit of strain leaving her two or three nights a week, having to walk our two dogs by herself and then eventually three dogs when we got a puppy the winter of 2010. The puppy put a lot of additional stress in our lives, though I wouldn't get rid of him for anything. Over the last three or four years as our sex life has diminished and i have been rejected many times for many different reasons. From stressful issues in our lives, depression for the lose of a pet, health issues (her experiencing pain during sex), to general relationship issues. Whenever I get turned down, I try as hard as I can to not make her feel guilty. I really don't want her to have sex with me out of guilt/obligation/pitty. Well last night she had gone out, and while she was gone I had done some chores, which I try to do when she is gone, she was very happy when she came home and she kissed me very passionately, which is rare and it made me slightly aroused. When she realized, I could see the look on her face go from happy to depressed very quickly. I know she feels some level of guilt about how little we have sex so the reaction was not surprising. The last few month our lack of intimacy has really been getting to me. We rarely have any physical intimacy, and it seems like the only time we kiss or hug, is when I'm consoling her for a bad day or she is not feeling well. She also tells me that she doesn't want to be physical with me because anytime she kisses me or touches me I get aroused and expect sex. I admit I do get easily aroused, but I am not expecting 99% of the time. Well later on in the evening, we were sitting on the couch and I was holding her, which is uncommon, and I finally after months of not being able to say anything, asked her if we could work on being more intimate together. She immediately go very angry and defensive, I should have known better, and we got into a bad fight. She kept saying "why can't I just be happy with holding?" and this is why she never gets close to me because I always expect sex. Which is NOT true. The fight was not productive at all. One of the big sticking points that has really been bothering me, is that when we first got together we had a great sex life, we even got a little adventurous with some toys that we would use when we were together. A few years ago I noticed that she had been using them when I wasn't around. At first I was just glad she was getting what she needed without straying. Part of me is glad, because I know she still has some sexual desires, but there is another part of me that is really upset, because she turns to these much more often than she does me. I really don't know what to think or do at this point. It has gotten to the point where I wish for the day that I am not interested in sex anymore. When the thought of sex comes up I usually end up just getting depressed, I even bought supplements that should lower my sex drive, hoping it wont be an issue anymore. | |||
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What makes a date with someone memorable in your opinion?
| After participating in the last " dating thread " I began reminiscing about some of the dates my wife and I had before we were married and even some memorable ones we had after. [ LOL ,I also had a good laugh at some of my "dating bloopers" too!] Then it occurred to me that the best dates I've ever had in my life was with her. Even before we got together , while we were " just friends" , she always took me on dates [ and paid for everything !] I've had many , many , many dates but ours stick in my mind. I realized that there was always attraction and chemistry between us during our friendship, and this may have contributed to the positive memories. Also interesting was the fact that the most memorable dates we had IMO, we the ones where we spent the least amount or zero money, like when we would go for a walk in the park, and we'd share our deepest thoughts and feelings along with a $0.50 pack of peanuts. Yes,those " cheap " dates! We have been on really expensive dates , at exclusive venues, but the cheap ones were the best for some reason. Maybe because the cheap ones, we were just being ourselves. No fancy clothes, just jeans with his & hers matching T-shirts. So what about you, What makes a date outstanding in your mind? Attraction you felt for the person? Funny stuff that happened on the date? [ Dating Bloopers.] The unpredictable , unthinkable venue? Anything else? | |||
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Is it possible to stay in love in a 20+ yr marriage?
| 5 months ago my husband out of the blue said he had not been happy for a few years and lost his desire for me and our marriage. He said he wanted out and that was it. This was a shock to me seeing we were still very sexually active and joked and talked all the time. I was very upset that day and when he got home that night after looking at our son, he changed his mind and said he wanted to see if his feelings changed. It has been 5 months since that time and he wont talk about his feelings. One day he seems happy and affectionate and the next day he seems distant. I am constantly wondering and stressing about whether today he leaves or if he is staying. Recently he has started not wanting sex as much as before and claims its because he is older (44 yrs old) and his sex drive isn't as high. I think that is bs, and leaves me panicking and fretting that I am not sexy enough or if he would rather be with someone new seeing we have been married for 22 years. Sad to say but after all these years together I cant tell if he is in love with me. What are the signs? How do I know if he is into the marriage or just staying until our son grows up (he is 14 yrs old). How do couples keep the fire burning in a marriage? I have repeatedly asked to go away just the 2 of us, he always says yeah that sounds like fun, but wont actually plan it. I have asked for us to go out on "dates" but that never seems to happen either. I try to be playful like a couple with him, but a lot of the time he seems very roommate like. Yesterday was a great day he actually was very affectionate and attentive. I was so happy and in love because that is the way I want to feel in our relationship. It was great! But when he got home and started having sex he lost his erection right in the middle and seemed distant.... He claims because we had sex 3 days in a row he couldn't get aroused. What??? we were in the middle of having sex and he was definitely arouse d and then bam, nothing... Any thoughts??? | |||
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Any ideas tospice up sex life?
| I have been married for 22 years. For a good portion of my marriage was spent taking care of our 3 children. Now that the kids are grown and off doing their own thing, I have way more energy to spend on myself and my husband. My husband for many years was very sexual and wanted sex all the time. Now it seems he wants sex everyday for a week then he says he needs a break for 3 or 4 days, which at times isn't like him because for many years he has always been to sexual and playful. We did have a ripple in our marriage 5 months ago where he said he wasn't happy and had no desire for me or the marriage (btw, even though he said he had no desire we were still having sex everyday or so) so that was a huge shock. Since that time we seem to have worked things out, but he wont talk about ANYTHING. A couple times recently while we were having sex in the middle his erection died and he stated he just wasn't aroused and blamed it on the fact we had s ex 3 days in a row so he needed a break.. what??? we are only 42 yrs old really? So that makes me very nervous and leaves me wondering if it is me that he cant get aroused to or does this happen to men without meaning a red flag to the wife? He is always at home or at work so I know he isn't physically cheating and I have checked his cell phone log for unusual numbers and emails and nothing, so I am 100% he isn't cheating. If I try to ask how my husband feels about me he always get so mad at me and turns everything around to make it look like I picked a fight. How can I get him to tell me if he is happy with me? or how would I know if he is happy? My husband is very hot and cold. One day he is lovable and seems happy and literally the next day he seems distant and it leaves me wondering if he wants to leave again. I know I can over think and possibly imagine things, but last night in the middle of hot and heavy sex he just lost the erection and couldn't finish! huh???? I hate the fact that I question everything and every move my husband makes but after him telling the things he did 5 months ago who wouldn't be insecure. I do wonder if he is bored with our sex seeing we do the same thing every night. I tried anal a few times, but hate it!! So what other things can we do to spice things up?? | |||
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Your Shortest Relationships?
| i have read the thread how many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? and a lot of people saying they had a few really short relationships , so how short were these relationships? my shortest relationship was about 2 weeks. | |||
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Being single
| Im finding it quite difficult at times to get used to being single again. I split up with my ex over a month ago or maybe a bit more. We were together a long time, i basically lived there so im finding it hard even though in the end it was heading that way and for the best. Some days i feel fine and others i just feel lost and want to be in a relationship again. I've never really been single at all for long so im not used to it, that probably sounds a bit sad. Is there anything people do to make themself feel a bit better or is it just a case of waiting and hopefully it passes? When i feel like dating again i wont even know where to start. I can be quite shy at first so im not good at approaching guys and i've tried online dating in the past, well my friend put me on it as a laugh. Not sure i'd try it again. Im hoping to do a foundation year in england next year so maybe more likely to meet someone there | |||
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Going too far?
| I met this guy who I genuinely cared about and we were seeing each other for about a month. He told me that he liked to take risks but I had no idea just how much until one day we were heading over to his house in a taxi and I'm not sure what got into his head but he asked me to perform oral sex while we were in the taxi in broad day light with the driver and another passenger in the front who could just easily look around and see me doing that. I told him absolutely not. But he kept on insisting and I kept telling him no. Anyway, I told him never to ask me to do that again because it wasn't going to happen and he asked if I would do it at night instead under the same circumstances. Well, needless to say, we are no longer seeing each other. He also likes to demand that we have unprotected sex. I mean that he even thought of asking was just distasteful and disturbing. Is this a new trend or something? Oh by the way he's 40 years old and I'm 36. He was just too much for me.:eek: | |||
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Need advice.
| A couple of weeks ago, I was out with a girl mate. I was trying to impress her, as I was trying to get with her. So, I thought if I acted a bit macho, it would impress her. I walked with a swagger, and chewed chewing gum in a threatening manner, and spoke 'tough'. Looking back, I realize this was totally moronic. But, for a while, it seemed like it was working. Then, the something happened. I saw a bee. It buzzed nearby. I'm scared of bees, after being stung when I was a kid. I got scared, and started flapping around trying to get the bee away from me, I even man screamed, and in my terror, I grabbed my girl mate, and put her in front of me. Shameful. Once she had calmed me down, we walked on. I think she was trying to fight back laughs. Since that day, she hasn't been in touch. Have I blown it? | |||
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TSR Blind Date
| I've seen so many threads started and so many posts made on how people want and need to find love, how they are missing that other person in their life and feeling that their life is not fulfilled. With that in mind, I felt that a 'TSR Blind Date' would be a good idea. After all, we're all very alike here - most are students in one form or another and there's so many people of similar age. All you do on this thread is write a bit about yourself. The important facts about you that give an idea to a potential date. The details should include: - Age - Gender - Sexuality - Nationality (be specific) - Location (not too specific) - Skin colour - What you study/where you work - A bit about you - a profile if you like; what makes you an interesting person. - What you're looking for After reading about you, if another user likes what he/she read, they'll be able to PM you and the two of you take it from there. Nobody else will know who's PMed who. Hope this isn't something that's been done and certainly hope it's not a weird idea. Good luck to everyone. Posted from TSR Mobile | |||
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Jealousy - good or bad
| Hi all, my girlfriend has a fair few male friends who she seems to spend a fair amount of time with. I trust her, but I don't like the thought of her having more fun with them than with me. I get pretty jealous about these things. I know I should bring it up with her, and I will at some stage, but is it a good or bad thing to feel this way? I would have thought it was good, because I value her time and effort when she's with me, and this is why I feel jealous when she's with other people. On the other hand, jealousy seems to generally be a bad trait for a boyfriend to have and I should leave her alone. If she ever mentioned that she got jealous with me, i'd be flattered, and not annoyed at all. I'd stop doing whatever it was as well. What do you guys think of jealousy in bf's/gf's? | |||
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I love friendship
| Friendship is wonderful... | |||
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Am I failing at my marriage???
| Hi, I'm 27 years old. I've only been married to my husband for about 2 years but we have been together 4 years. Lately, we have been having real problems. He works 2nd shift and I go to school during the day. We don't see each other very much at all because of our schedule but it's a schedule we have to have because of our kids. We haven't been very intamite in the bedroom lately and I feel that it's a huge problem at least on my part. He is very loving and caring when it comes to the kids and to me, he is not abusive (as my first marriage was) and he takes care of all of us financially. I understand that he has a lot on his plate but I feel as though I am not getting any time or attention from him. One night, while the kids were gone we got in a huge argument over him playing his video game (which he plays pretty much every minute in his spare time) and he brought up the fact that I have let myself go, and that I have gained too much weight and t hat I needed to go back to the way I was before when we first started dating, because I cared more about my weight then. Now I am still very with it when it comes to hygene and apperences, but I have been going through a very hard time this past year. I lost my mother to suicide in August of last year, and then 8 months after that we lost my father in law to cancer. I have been the one to cook, clean, handle bills, and pretty much everything on the home front even when we both worked. We have had fight over fight about his continuous game play and how I need help when it comes to these things. He will help, but I will have to tell him exactly what needs to be done or it won't get done. He is great at spending quality time with his step children ( my kids call him Daddy since their father is no longer in the picture) and he loves them dearly. But when it comes to time with me, he expects me to try to have conversations when he is playing his game or watch him play his game to spend time with him. I have tried to talk to him about his excessive game playing and how we don't have much time together and how I need the intimacy to try to get me out of my depression. He has never told me again in so many words that I need to lose weight, but we do talk about it from time to time, and I am in the process of doing so, but now I feel like I don't deserve him and that he can do better. We are really no longer intimate, sexually I mean, which leaves me feeling a great void. I feel that if we do have sex that he is doing it only out of obligation and I can tell you it doesn't make me want to do something with someone who I feel is not wanting to do it. And it gets to the point to where I feel that we should split up so that I can work on me without feeling that he doesn't want me anymore because everytime he ignores me to play the game or to spend time with his friends when he hasn't seen me in like 2 weeks straight and only really talked to me on brief (5 min to 10 min) phone calls that he makes on his lunch break to me at work. I haven't felt that I can really talk to anyone about this because to e honest I haven't felt too close to anyone lately. I have tried and tried to talk to him but it's like it does no good. He expects me to keep letting him play his game and just do what he does and me to try to find time around what he does. I could mention going to marriage counseling but neither he nor I have insurance at the moment, and I feel that it might help us, but then again I feel that it won't help. I'm just so tired of feeling alone and not good enough and I don't feel that I'm getting what I need. I have even told him that I felt that we should split up and he says that he doesn't want this to end on us splitting up but then puts it on me to make that decision saying, "well, if that's what you feel we should do." I'm just to the point to where it hurts to be with him and it hurts to let go. I don't know what to do and it's just eating at me to where it's making it difficult to do really anything anymore. I don't even feel like playing with my kids because I just feel so worthless, and he really doesn't try to make me feel this way I know he doesn't, because he tries to support me in everything I do by trying to tell me everyday on the phone when he calls that I look beautiful and that he loves me and that I'm all he thinks about all day when he's at work. But how can he say those things and expect me to believe them when he acts like this?! Even when I ask him if he's in love with me, he always hesitates and eventually just says yes. If anyone has any advice on what my next step should be please let me know, because I'm at my wits end and this is starting to drive me crazy... | |||
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Married but in love with another
| I'm sure this isn't the first time this thread has occurred. Looking for some fresh feedback. For starters I realize I'm a fool for getting involved with someone else while married. I was seeking what was missing and ended up with butterflies for someone else. (I said in love in the title but know I'm in the honeymoon phase) it has turned into a physical affair. The story... Background - together 14 years. Married 9 years this month. I'm 30 she is 31. 2.5 year old daughter. Just moved 800 miles from both of our families 9 months ago. My wife is my high school sweetheart. She asked me out and I accepted because my friends pressured me to find a girl and because i wanted the attention (come from a divorced home)I clung to her because she showed me attention and cared for me. I have had spurts of on again and off again feelings of love and in love. Usually around major events in our marriage (proposal, anniversaries, wedding, child birth). Some times the feelings lasted longer than others. I recently realized my feelings are gone. I am not attracted to her. She has never accepted me for who I am, instead pushed her opinion on me to be better suited for her. I've changed so much in my life for her (many for the better I suppose) and now I just want her to accept me for me! I feel like I cannot make any decisions without her approval. When I do she regularly voices her opinion or rolls her eyes if she disagrees. I have shared this with her and she thinks I'm asking her not to say a word about any decisions I make instead of just accepting it and accepting me and learn to respect me enough to let me make decisions. She tries hard to please me at home (she stays at home with our daughter) by cleaning, caring for lots of the household responsibilities, etc. but that's not what I need. Her response is always "I don't get what you're saying or what you need." She loves me, so she says. She says she wants to be with me forever. She says she has no one else. She is a great person and a great friend. She is an excellent mother. She is regularly depressed, likely because I don't put much effort into the marriage due to how she makes me feel. Ive tried to jump start it but it fizzles quick. She is not a sexual person, but I am and she stated she will never change. Enter the affair. I sought relationship websites looking for someone and she#2 found me. I was up front and honest about my marriage. Felt I wanted out and said I wanted to form a relationship to help ease through the divorce process. She accepts me for who I am, we have much more in common, and her sexual drive matches mine. I find her very attractive. Here is where I could use some advise. I want to be with the person I'm having the affair with. I can see her being by my side as we age and be happy about it, whereas I cannot see that with my wife. But I'm afraid to leave my wife because she doesn't have a good support system and I care for her, I don't want my daughter to move 800 miles away, and I feel bad for my wife as I don't want to her to hurt. I feel like I'm being selfish wanting to move on but I know I would be happier in life with someone more compatible to me and not just my first love that I rushed into. Then again, am I selfish to stay in an unhappy marriage just because I don't want to hurt my wife and because I don't want my daughter to live 800 miles away?. (I would let them move back to be with family as I know my wife would badly need that support to be an effective mother) I'm lost and could use some sound advice! | |||
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How do you test a woman?
| I thought of this today when my sister was waiting for her H to return from the store and mentioned that she was testing to see if he would get her a drink without her asking. Not fair, I know. But do men do this kind of thing too? Posted via Mobile Device | |||
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