2 weeks since court. confused roller coaster. NEED advice!

Its been two weeks since we went to court for our dissolution. What a crazy two weeks its been. Despite the advice of everyone I know, I did meet the ex for lunch. What is clear is that neither one of use is really happy things are over. If you have seen any of my other posts, you will know that my ex-monster in law (who hates men) was a big part of my divorce. I think she is the #1 reason why things are so confusing right now. In the past month here has been the trajectory of events with my ex: early january lawyers office she wouldnt even make eye contact with me, no contact for a month (i actually felt great), court: wife was really pleasant, after court: lunch, that night massive ammounts of text from wife about getting back together/her being miserable, then about 3 days of insane texts/calls from ex blaming me for everything that went wrong (in all honesty she admitted in december it was 50/50-i would say 60/40 her, but nonetheless), i told her to leave me alone, no contact for about a week, renewed texts from her saying that she is sad its over and asking about our dogs (which she still refers to as our "kids"), now we have simple, pleasant texts. During the week after our court meeting I actually went on two different dates. One of the girls I really liked and we decided we should take things very slow as she is also divorced. So now, for my dilemma: part of me wants to keep in communication with the ex (if it remains friendly) and see if anything happens there. Part of me thinks that doing so is absolutely INSANE and will only hold back my recovery from this whole thing. What do I do??? Everyone I know who has been divorced said for mental health sake you should have no contact at all (we dont have kids). Its soooo damn confusing.

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Girls, How good looking is this guy?

Girls, How good looking is this guy? On a scale out of 1 to 10 please. (It's to settle an argument - so please mark fairly and accurately so that an accurate result is given. Thanks! http://i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q704/asoftersin/ASOFTERSIN/profilepic_zpsf404f625.jpg http://i1355.photobucket.com/albums/...ps16b6190e.jpg

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Why am I never satisified with my life?

I am 3/4 of the way through a divorce but this 'problem' seems to permeate everything in my life. It is this: Why, no matter how good I've got it (dating a wonderful person, kids are healthy and happy, job is stable, immediate family gets along and is healthy...) do I always find someone or something better that I have? I'll readily admit that from the outside my life looks wonderful yet I'm always looking for that one better person, situation or thing. I was like this in my marriage but had myself convinced I was in it for the long haul and there are ups and downs and in the end being faithful and sticking to what I felt was right would pay off. Other half decided a 3 month affair was more important than 11 years of marriage but that is a different 'session.' I'm adult child of an alcoholic if that matters and was raised Catholic but have no interest in it right now.

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Visitation with kids and creating a Q&A update

I had scheduled a video chat session so my EX and I can tell the kids very clearly and without question, what their visitation and living arrangements are. And this was being done with the kids' counselor present to help "keep the peace". When I arrived, the counselor told me she changed her mind for two reasons: 1. There was no rehearsal. The possibility for tension and disagreement was risky in front of the kids. 2. And after meeting with our son (6yrs old) just prior, she was worried he might be too sensitive to any tension. So my EX, the counselor and I spoke for 40 minutes. I suggested we come up with a sort of Q&A script. I create one and she creates one. Then we share and hash out the differences. Course, in my opinion, it's not very complicated that what is told to the kids comes straight from the decree, which is what I plan to write down. But we do need to be on the same page BEFORE talking to our kids. The counselor alos asked what seems to be the current roadblock between us. My EX said communication. I said it was Trust. I don't trust her (for so many reasons) ad she doesn't trust me because ...I don't trust her. Go figure. Anyways, my EX is coming down for Spring Break to stay with her dad to see the kids. All of us see the counselor around March 15. So I need to have my Q&A set and ready to go then. Now, for the Q&A, I don't have much down so far. I have 2: Why can't we live with mommy? (Because mommy and daddy already agreed in the divorce decree papers). Why can't you live in mommy's state(Minn)? (Because I'm happy in Houston with my job and all of our family is here, etc, etc.) Am I missing any possible questions they may ask? Anything else they ask such as "Why mommy moved away or why can't mommy move back down to live near us" is tough because those are answers she will need to answer. (And so far, she has told them "mommy has a job here, I can't leave my job" which is all BS because she lived there for 6 months with no job initially). Plus, she's telling them my job is more important than you! Ugh, sorry. Just pisses me off.:( But I don't want to avoid their questions to me about their mom. I always take the high road, but at the same time don't want to be dishonest (like their mom has been with them) and I end up in the doghouse like mommy will when the kids get older and figure much of this out. How do I answer questions as to why mommy moved away without being dishonest, keeping it appropriate for a 10 & 6 yr old,?

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Wife hates best friend

I have a best friend (girl) and my wife doesn't like her at all.. I have been best friends with this girl before I met my wife and I don't want to give up my friend because my wife feels insecure.. My wife and I aren't currently in the same city (but my wife and my friend are) so when I go visit I also sometimes visit my friend which always leads to tense exchanges for about a day with my wife.. Any advice?

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Do you and your partner talk about your past history?

Simple question really, just wondering how many people talk about their past history with their girlfriend/boyfriend? What detail do you go into - how many people you've slept with, names of past girlfriends/boyfriends, number of serious relationships etc.?

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Are receding hairlines a turn-off?

I'm in my early twenties and have developed a rather prominent 'V' shaped hairline. My temples are a good inch or so back from where they used to be, and my hair also looks like it's starting to thin on the top. I've tried Rogaine and caffeine shampoos etc but it doesn't work all that well. I'm planning on embracing it soon when it gets really bad and just buzzing it off and rocking the Jason Statham look. Are receding hairlines/balding hair styles unattractive on young guys generally? It's becoming a source of insecurity for me and I was hoping for a little honest feedback form the girls on TSR :) I generally have quite masculine facial features and a square-ish jaw (if that helps at all). Hair colour is dark brown/auburn.

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30 year old bf with LOW sex drive :(

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years, and we have a 6 year old son together. We've had our share of issues, but are a pretty happy couple. When we first got together we'd have sex maybe once or twice a week. Now it's gotten to the point where I'm lucky if we do it once, maybe twice a month. I've asked him numerous times if he's not attracted to me anymore, but he keeps saying that he's just as attracted to me now as the day we met. I just don't get it...he's only 30, is this normal?!?!? I know couples that are our age, or older, and they are much more sexually active. Then when I say something to him about it then he wants to have sex...but then I feel as if I guilted him into it...anyone else experiencing similar issues? Any suggestions??:boggled:

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21 year old female - never been kissed!

Gosh, I know it may sound stupid, but I'm terribly terribly afraid that the moment will never come! I am just not too interested at the moment. I wish I would had some previous experience, so that when the moment comes I don't feel super insecure. I feel quite naive and ashamed about the situation...:$

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Going to give her a letter

Call me pathetic. Call me whatever, I just feel like I have to do it. Didn't get a reply to my last thread, so here's what happened. My girlfriend split up with me, her reasons were that she couldn't cope with people - apparently - comparing her to my ex-girlfriend. Recently, we've been getting on again, and I thought it was going somewhere. She told me she still likes me a couple of days ago. The other night, she had had a few too many drinks and wanted to kiss me, but I didn't kiss her because she was under the influence. Last night she tells me she'd been on a date. The thing is, I love this girl. That's why I've taken it so hard and been trying to get back with her. I told her this, as I figured it was my last chance, and she just said I was saying it because she'd moved on. She also said I had no right to say it as, after a few months or so of me and her going out, she told me she loved me and I said I wasn't ready to say it back. I felt the same, but was scared saying it was taking things too fast. She said it went downhill from here because she felt like an idiot, because I didn't say it back. I'd told her I'd never felt the same about anyone before, but never said 'I love you'. Last night she said she did love me. She didn't say if she still does, but she said she does still like me. She's got a hectic week next week, and am going to see her pretty much everyday of it. She's told me not to mention everything I've said to her till after next week, but I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it and ended up writing out a letter explaining everything and how I genuinely feel about her, and that am not ashamed or scared to tell her how I feel. Too little too late maybe. I'm going to give her the letter first chance I get, but not try and talk it out with her. It's my last ditch chance of trying to salvage anything with her. I don't know if it's a good idea, it's my last shot to tell her I think the world of her and I made mistakes. So, what do we reckon? Will she just get it and carry on more dates with this new guy or could it make her realise how much I care about her and just want to make her happy? If it doesn't work, then that's that, I won't pursue her anymore, and hope that this new guy makes her happy. Is there a chance me telling her how I properly feel for her would work? Anyone got any advice for me? Not to just give up, but to try and make it work with her.

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girls girls girls :)

What would define cute, pretty and hot And which would you prefer to go out with? I tend to go for cute girls, I don't know why, there just so adorable and good looking and yet they dont even know it

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My boyfriend called me a slut and judges me for my past

Okay, so basically, me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now, and before I even knew him I was a person of who I regret, I slept with 4 guys and there were no feelings involved however I was very depressed at the time and thought it would make me feel better about myself..well I've learnt now it didn't, but anyway, when I met my bf, I was straight with him but he was a virgin. For a few days now he's just been questioning me about my past and wondering why I was like that and I tried to explain but it wasnt the easiest thing to explain, and he doesn't understand how you could sleep with someone and have no feelings and he says if that was a mistake how do I know I'm not a mistake etc etc and then today he was like, honestly, what I'm thinking right now is your a slut...when he knows full well how I've changed and stuff, I don't know what to do or say anymore, it's made me so down..help!!

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What to do when your boyfriend ignores you?

So, I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year, sorta was my best friend before that. I think he's been having a bad time recently, doesn't enjoy his job, and such. So, last weekend he does the whole "I think I might leave you, because I'm too stressed, you need someone better" thing, so I told him that I'd rather be there for him in this bad time, but if he wants to leave he can. Then he goes on a holiday for the week (Was planned for ages, not a 'lads holiday' was camping with his close friends) He got back yesterday, Was really happy, back to his usual self, however towards the end of the day he seemed rather distant, I thought okay, so I left him to it. So, today, I tried to speak to him, totally ignored me, so I'm giving him space. Is this the right thing to do? We have plans to go to London next weekend, and I want to know if it's still happening, is he gonna leave me etc, etc, how do I get him to talk to me? or at least to get some clarity on whats going on?

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Is this socially unacceptable?

For a girl/woman to like her own company and therefore always being single? Im nearly 28 and have never done sex, had a boyfriend or anything like that. I just like doing my own thing and I think a relationship would feel weird. I feel like im the only one like this though. People say im very quiet and reserved they ask me about boyfriends etc but i hate the question because i dont know what to say. If I say 'i prefere beng on my own' it sounds a bit odd doesnt it?

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Things just got worse. A whole lot worse.

Me and the wife have struggled since day one. We're 15 years in.. She has worked very little of this time. I posted in the general relationships about her depression, anxiety, abrasiveness, etc.. She just can't hold a job. She has no friends, and every time she gets a job, if she makes it two weeks without getting fired, she usually quits because she always claims people there are out to get her, a-holes, stressing her out, and about 1000 other reasons. So, I've somehow by miracle alone been holding things together. But it hasn't been pretty. I owe no less than 15 different bill collectors for various utilities, medical loans, etc.. We no longer have health insurance, or even a 401 k. I've dropped everything and cashed out over the years just to make rent and basic bills. Well we were really under a month ago, to the point that all seemed hopeless. I've also already sold everything I have of value on craigslist too. Then thankfully I did my taxes on Feb 1st, and got a decent refund of $2000. I used most of it just to catch up on car payments (was 2 months behind), a credit account that I was behind on, and caught us up on the rent. What I failed to factor in was the electric bill.. We owe over $500 and have a 10-day shutoff notice. The engine in my car blew up the same day. They want $2000 to fix the car, $500+ for the electricity, and I got rent and another car payment coming up on the 1st. It's hopeless. I can't say ANYTHING to her, because she will go into a depression-anxiety induced martyr syndrome and blame me for making her feel bad. Everything sets her off anymore so I have to be careful about anything I say to her on any topic. Yes she sees a psychiatrist, and gets counselling, but it really only works for about 1 day, then she's right back to crazy. The drugs used to work, but now only keep her from being that much worse. And not to mention those costs are adding to the wallet-mulching that is my life. I'm just super depressed today and venting.. we just had a fight about something so stupid that it doesn't warrant the time it takes to type it out. But that's just it- she turns the smallest thing into WW3, and if I told her about how bad things are, she would only find a way to make her shortcomings all my fault.. like I said it's all about her being the martyr.. She wants me to do everything for her, everything for the household, everything period. Then when something goes wrong, well guess who did it. ME. I'm so damn angry right now. I want to just disappear, run away to mexico and start a new life of something. This sucks.

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