I have been lurking here for a few weeks, didn't want to believe that I would actually post here, but here i am. Been married for 20 years, together for 22. 2 kids, DS-15, DS-12, they are the best thing that I have ever created :0
Such a long story, but I will try to keep it short-just needing some support right now from people who are going through the same thing. I never thought in a million years that I would be this person posting on a divorce support site, thought I would just sail through with the life that we had created.
Last July (2014) he left me for the third time in 10 years. His reasons were that I had no self esteem, didn't give him enough affection, it was a different reason every time. The first two times he left, I cried and begged him to come back...it eventually worked, but didn't make the marriage better. The last time he left in July 2014, I knew I couldn't beg anymore. He told me that I needed to change, I sought IC and finally got back my mojo that I had in my younger years. I finally started feeling good about myself again, I lost 30 pound (one good thing about stress), talking to friends and feeling good about myself. I met a younger man, slept with him-have to be honest, it really was just sex (my husband had been out of the house for three months). Two months later, my husband and I started to talk and work things out, of course that meant that we
had sex. A couple of weeks later, the younger man texted me and said that a girl that he had been with had an STD! WTF I am a retired Navy Nurse and should know better than to sleep with a man that I don't even know without protection- things are much different than they were 20+ years ago. Sure enough, I was positive, of course I had to tell my husband and things went crazy from there. He insisted on telling my family, every one of our friends and everyone who was in the wedding party 20 years ago. I don't think that worked out too well for him, because I learned that he had been on Match.com (as divorced) and hooking up with girls at various concerts. I am very lucky in that my family and friends (as well as my IC) pretty much said "Yeah, not your best choice, but your were separated and he was pursuing other women as well"
My husband decided he wanted a divorce, I concurred. Two months later he decided that he really didn't want to divorce, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, he would never find anyone like me...etc. I gave in and tried to reconcile.
I don't know if anyone is reading past this point...a little longer than I thought. Fast forward, he moved back into our home in Feb 2015, things were going great, I was in heaven because I thought I had the man that I married so many years ago. In May, his uncle died and my husband was devastated because he was so close to his uncle, I was very close to him as well. He was a bachelor and he ended up leaving everything to my husband, me and our children (all outlined in his trust). My husband and I flew down to AZ to take care of the estate. Apparently I didn't do enough to help my H- we went out to dinner had some drinks, I brought up the fact that he had left me 3 times (apparently still a sore spot for me) and everything went to hell after that. We came home from AZ, he would barely talk to me, started calling me a *****, said he couldn't trust me-I should have been there for him in AZ. It has been a sh&t show since then. We have decided to divorce, he still texts me almos t every day to tell me how he can't trust me and what a horrible person I am. I am trying to respect that he is grieving over his uncle dying, I know I messed up when we were separated, but I don't feel like I deserve this abuse. I was an officer in the Navy for 20 years- why do I put up with this.
Sorry, this is so long.....Believe me it could have been longer :0
Such a long story, but I will try to keep it short-just needing some support right now from people who are going through the same thing. I never thought in a million years that I would be this person posting on a divorce support site, thought I would just sail through with the life that we had created.
Last July (2014) he left me for the third time in 10 years. His reasons were that I had no self esteem, didn't give him enough affection, it was a different reason every time. The first two times he left, I cried and begged him to come back...it eventually worked, but didn't make the marriage better. The last time he left in July 2014, I knew I couldn't beg anymore. He told me that I needed to change, I sought IC and finally got back my mojo that I had in my younger years. I finally started feeling good about myself again, I lost 30 pound (one good thing about stress), talking to friends and feeling good about myself. I met a younger man, slept with him-have to be honest, it really was just sex (my husband had been out of the house for three months). Two months later, my husband and I started to talk and work things out, of course that meant that we
had sex. A couple of weeks later, the younger man texted me and said that a girl that he had been with had an STD! WTF I am a retired Navy Nurse and should know better than to sleep with a man that I don't even know without protection- things are much different than they were 20+ years ago. Sure enough, I was positive, of course I had to tell my husband and things went crazy from there. He insisted on telling my family, every one of our friends and everyone who was in the wedding party 20 years ago. I don't think that worked out too well for him, because I learned that he had been on Match.com (as divorced) and hooking up with girls at various concerts. I am very lucky in that my family and friends (as well as my IC) pretty much said "Yeah, not your best choice, but your were separated and he was pursuing other women as well"
My husband decided he wanted a divorce, I concurred. Two months later he decided that he really didn't want to divorce, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, he would never find anyone like me...etc. I gave in and tried to reconcile.
I don't know if anyone is reading past this point...a little longer than I thought. Fast forward, he moved back into our home in Feb 2015, things were going great, I was in heaven because I thought I had the man that I married so many years ago. In May, his uncle died and my husband was devastated because he was so close to his uncle, I was very close to him as well. He was a bachelor and he ended up leaving everything to my husband, me and our children (all outlined in his trust). My husband and I flew down to AZ to take care of the estate. Apparently I didn't do enough to help my H- we went out to dinner had some drinks, I brought up the fact that he had left me 3 times (apparently still a sore spot for me) and everything went to hell after that. We came home from AZ, he would barely talk to me, started calling me a *****, said he couldn't trust me-I should have been there for him in AZ. It has been a sh&t show since then. We have decided to divorce, he still texts me almos t every day to tell me how he can't trust me and what a horrible person I am. I am trying to respect that he is grieving over his uncle dying, I know I messed up when we were separated, but I don't feel like I deserve this abuse. I was an officer in the Navy for 20 years- why do I put up with this.
Sorry, this is so long.....Believe me it could have been longer :0
Put the internet to work for you.
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