Hi all. I am suddenly faced with the news that my wife just this week got intimate with a co-worker who she claims she has been in love with for a year unbeknownst to me. We have been together 19 years, and married for 13 years. We have two girls, ages 10 and 5. She wants this marriage to end so she can "follow her heart" and pursue a new life with this man. She admits her desire for this is so strong that it comes before all the obvious consequences.
I, of course, am devastated. Unfortunately, I cannot claim to be the best husband or a victim. I have taken much of this marriage for granted and although I have never strayed myself and have scored highly when it comes to being a provider, friend and father, when it comes to being a partner I admittedly have failed. I do love my wife very much and I am sure that I have my own emotional issues that have never been addressed. She has been the giver and I have been the taker and now, of course, I'm consumed with regret and fear. I am also dwelling on the negative side of me. I think there is a caring and loving side of me (towards her) that is being buried right now.
I have reached out to a number of therapists. I have yet to talk to one. I feel we need to talk to someone right away. I am not sure why I feel that it needs to be right away, other than I feel that her taking it to a physical level this week has greatly accelerated these feelings and she admits that she cannot help herself. Her mood and demeanor has shifted a few times over the course of this week, from agreeing to end it with this man and work towards therapy both as a couple and individually (for me) to the total opposite where she is trying to provoke me into losing my sh*t by telling me in every way how this love is for real and there is no coming back from it. Of course, I want to explore every last option.
This sucks in every way. Maybe you all can help
I, of course, am devastated. Unfortunately, I cannot claim to be the best husband or a victim. I have taken much of this marriage for granted and although I have never strayed myself and have scored highly when it comes to being a provider, friend and father, when it comes to being a partner I admittedly have failed. I do love my wife very much and I am sure that I have my own emotional issues that have never been addressed. She has been the giver and I have been the taker and now, of course, I'm consumed with regret and fear. I am also dwelling on the negative side of me. I think there is a caring and loving side of me (towards her) that is being buried right now.
I have reached out to a number of therapists. I have yet to talk to one. I feel we need to talk to someone right away. I am not sure why I feel that it needs to be right away, other than I feel that her taking it to a physical level this week has greatly accelerated these feelings and she admits that she cannot help herself. Her mood and demeanor has shifted a few times over the course of this week, from agreeing to end it with this man and work towards therapy both as a couple and individually (for me) to the total opposite where she is trying to provoke me into losing my sh*t by telling me in every way how this love is for real and there is no coming back from it. Of course, I want to explore every last option.
This sucks in every way. Maybe you all can help
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