Hi
Been busy reading here and I like what I've read, so I will leap in and share :) wife just announced separation, she is adamant. She has said she loves and cares for me however she is unhappy and needs passion. Me too for that matter.
We have been married 11 years with two boys, 8 and 10. Our first years were wonderful and then about half way through I got sick. It's a degenerative neural disease which has taken both bicep muscles, nope nothing there anymore...try to imagine all the things you do each day with your biceps lol, but I manage it really well. What it also brought was unexplained, no reason pain. This is break your leg kind of pain.
OK so I've always been a one to hold onto emotions and remember bad times, if you do this please stop...man I know I need too, and now I need to deal with this crazy illness. The final straw in my ability to maintain my relationship with W was a diagnoses of motor neuron disease (maybe called ALS in the US, not sure) from a trusted doctor. Possible five year death sentence, wheelchair, total paralysis, all that jolly stuff. He was wrong, didn't happen, still got enough faculties to bang this out to you people and a bunch of other stuff too. Wife was supportive as anyone could of dreamed of through all this, she still is to give her due credit (I believe she deserves a lot of that credit stuff) but me being a one who makes emotion hard work started to withdraw from her, strong pain drugs assisting in that fools quest, and despite her wealth of warnings, verbal and otherwise, that withdrawal has run its course and we are, duh duh duhhhh, separated.
I'm quite a determined guy when my engine fires and I've been coping really well with the pain, can deal with it without those nasty opiates that work oh so well. But doing so has changed me into someone I don't know anymore. What I do know is that I love my family with a total and longing affection and love. My boys, truthfully, adore and respect me. I could not work my old job after illness so W got work, that really hurt...she wanted to stay home, and I took over the home. Did pretty good mostly, cooking, dishes, etc etc.
But all this is background. Right now things SUCK! I can't emphasize enough how distant I became from my wife, she who is the very best of people, she who is now emotionally exhausted and out of true passion to keep putting in. She has friends from her work, recent ones that I've not got to know very well, who have good marriages and I can see that she really wants that. I do too, with her.
I'm resolved to the separation. Didn't react well at once, something i've read since is classic for people who repress emotion, but have calmed down and started to talk sensibly, take ownership, see how I need to deal with my emotional past and stop being a jerk to myself. Cant give her what she needs if I am acting like an emotionless...i dom't know...something bad anyway.
On a good front I am improving over the last year, am completing high school this year (mature age student) with A level grades and mucho happiness to find something I am good at. Accepted for Uni next year for BA in classics and will enter into teaching classics and history at high school level for a new career.
Well thats enough, I hope I rambled out the gist of my story, opinions? I want my wife back in my life and smiling but I'm accepting that this may not be so. Mostly my thoughts are that I need to fix me before I can even dream of making that a possible future.
and hey, thank you for reading :)
Been busy reading here and I like what I've read, so I will leap in and share :) wife just announced separation, she is adamant. She has said she loves and cares for me however she is unhappy and needs passion. Me too for that matter.
We have been married 11 years with two boys, 8 and 10. Our first years were wonderful and then about half way through I got sick. It's a degenerative neural disease which has taken both bicep muscles, nope nothing there anymore...try to imagine all the things you do each day with your biceps lol, but I manage it really well. What it also brought was unexplained, no reason pain. This is break your leg kind of pain.
OK so I've always been a one to hold onto emotions and remember bad times, if you do this please stop...man I know I need too, and now I need to deal with this crazy illness. The final straw in my ability to maintain my relationship with W was a diagnoses of motor neuron disease (maybe called ALS in the US, not sure) from a trusted doctor. Possible five year death sentence, wheelchair, total paralysis, all that jolly stuff. He was wrong, didn't happen, still got enough faculties to bang this out to you people and a bunch of other stuff too. Wife was supportive as anyone could of dreamed of through all this, she still is to give her due credit (I believe she deserves a lot of that credit stuff) but me being a one who makes emotion hard work started to withdraw from her, strong pain drugs assisting in that fools quest, and despite her wealth of warnings, verbal and otherwise, that withdrawal has run its course and we are, duh duh duhhhh, separated.
I'm quite a determined guy when my engine fires and I've been coping really well with the pain, can deal with it without those nasty opiates that work oh so well. But doing so has changed me into someone I don't know anymore. What I do know is that I love my family with a total and longing affection and love. My boys, truthfully, adore and respect me. I could not work my old job after illness so W got work, that really hurt...she wanted to stay home, and I took over the home. Did pretty good mostly, cooking, dishes, etc etc.
But all this is background. Right now things SUCK! I can't emphasize enough how distant I became from my wife, she who is the very best of people, she who is now emotionally exhausted and out of true passion to keep putting in. She has friends from her work, recent ones that I've not got to know very well, who have good marriages and I can see that she really wants that. I do too, with her.
I'm resolved to the separation. Didn't react well at once, something i've read since is classic for people who repress emotion, but have calmed down and started to talk sensibly, take ownership, see how I need to deal with my emotional past and stop being a jerk to myself. Cant give her what she needs if I am acting like an emotionless...i dom't know...something bad anyway.
On a good front I am improving over the last year, am completing high school this year (mature age student) with A level grades and mucho happiness to find something I am good at. Accepted for Uni next year for BA in classics and will enter into teaching classics and history at high school level for a new career.
Well thats enough, I hope I rambled out the gist of my story, opinions? I want my wife back in my life and smiling but I'm accepting that this may not be so. Mostly my thoughts are that I need to fix me before I can even dream of making that a possible future.
and hey, thank you for reading :)
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