I have been thinking about this post for several weeks now, trying to decide if it was worth the effort to make. I finally decided it was, if for no other reason than to provide food for thought.
First, I am no longer seeking advice to improve my situation. That train has long since left the station. Second, I accept responsibility for my situation and I blame no one other than myself. I understand that everyone here gave the best advice they could, did so in good faith, and I harbor no grudges.
What I want to put on the table for discussion, however, is the prevailing attitude that in a sexual mismatch situation, that the single best answer when all else fails is the ultimatum. I argued strenuously against that position during my time here. My position was that trying to gain love, respect and affection through threats and intimidation would be counterproductive. During that time I was accused of being a troll, among other things because of my position.
Last night, C2 and I attended our last marriage and sexual counseling session. It was agreed by all that we were wasting the counselor's time and our money. But earlier during a counseling session, the counselor suggested that perhaps we should consider going our separate ways.
The reaction to that by C2 was, as I expected, very harsh and violent, and it wrecked our marriage. We are still husband and wife but no longer friends or lovers. We are locked in a cycle where she only tolerates my presence and yet won't let me go.
So MY advice, to those who follow me, is this. Everyone here is trying to help you, but if something doesn't feel right for you, DO NOT give up your position. The members here can not possible know your spouse as well as you do.
My advice to those trying to help… LISTEN to what the people are saying. Do not assume, as in my case, that the person is making excuses or simply trying to cause trouble. I know C2 far better than anyone on this board and I knew instinctually that the threat of abandonment would not be received well.
I took a lot of advice from this board, and this is my attempt to give a little bit back to the community.
Copper
First, I am no longer seeking advice to improve my situation. That train has long since left the station. Second, I accept responsibility for my situation and I blame no one other than myself. I understand that everyone here gave the best advice they could, did so in good faith, and I harbor no grudges.
What I want to put on the table for discussion, however, is the prevailing attitude that in a sexual mismatch situation, that the single best answer when all else fails is the ultimatum. I argued strenuously against that position during my time here. My position was that trying to gain love, respect and affection through threats and intimidation would be counterproductive. During that time I was accused of being a troll, among other things because of my position.
Last night, C2 and I attended our last marriage and sexual counseling session. It was agreed by all that we were wasting the counselor's time and our money. But earlier during a counseling session, the counselor suggested that perhaps we should consider going our separate ways.
The reaction to that by C2 was, as I expected, very harsh and violent, and it wrecked our marriage. We are still husband and wife but no longer friends or lovers. We are locked in a cycle where she only tolerates my presence and yet won't let me go.
So MY advice, to those who follow me, is this. Everyone here is trying to help you, but if something doesn't feel right for you, DO NOT give up your position. The members here can not possible know your spouse as well as you do.
My advice to those trying to help… LISTEN to what the people are saying. Do not assume, as in my case, that the person is making excuses or simply trying to cause trouble. I know C2 far better than anyone on this board and I knew instinctually that the threat of abandonment would not be received well.
I took a lot of advice from this board, and this is my attempt to give a little bit back to the community.
Copper
Put the internet to work for you.
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