It is clear to me now that my marrige is close to being over. Due to significantly different feelings regarding intimacy i have felt alone and unwanted for far too long. I still have a glimmer or hope that we will work it out, however i have lost all drive to fight for it and truely feel like just giving up.
Background:
Together for 1.5 years, then Married for past 14.5 years. First year of the realtionship was everything i wanted/needed at the time, we were inseprable, had a strong physical and emotional connection.
Shortly before marrige my wife was injured on the job, nothing too major, but she had to leave her job as she was physically unable to do it anymore. Shortly after we purchaed a home and she was still in treatment at the time.
Due to the injury and treatment i did not see the lack of sex or intimacy as a red flag, but i did not like it - we went from sex daily, love notes, huggs, kissing, etc, to almost nothing - all became initiated by me.
It was a stressfull time for my wife and i resepected that. She worked hard to get another job (which had much better hours and benifts) and continued with physio and assorted treatments.
Then (10years ago) she had surgery to correct the underlying issue....and the surgeon messed up...bad. She is now permanatly disabled with a nerve disorder (CRPS)
Here we are, ten years later, and this past 6months have been extremely difficult for me to cope with the situation.
She has improved somewhat, however the nature of the disorder leaves her in chronic pain, unable to work, and her autonomic system is affected (heart rate, digestion, arousal, temperature, etc).
I work in the health care field (geratrics) and have researched ger condition. I have also taken her to every appointment (10-15 per year) and been with her for every fight against the Workplace Insurance Board - so i do empathise and understand her condition.
We had a big talk the other day (repeat of a talk 2yrs prior) about lack of intimacy. Including sex, but also all forms like huggs, positive reinforcement etc. She agreed (somewhat) that our sex life is not normal (less than 6x per year), yet says there is nothing she can do about it. She admited she has no sexual feelings for me (or anyone else, ever), she does not want scheduled sex, she will never talk to a therapist, and that us talking about it only makes her feel pressured.
Not sure i can continue on anymore, but due to the situation feel i need to be here to support her at least until next summer (when we estimate her disablity pension will be settled) as she has no means to support herself. And i still care very deeply for her.
Background:
Together for 1.5 years, then Married for past 14.5 years. First year of the realtionship was everything i wanted/needed at the time, we were inseprable, had a strong physical and emotional connection.
Shortly before marrige my wife was injured on the job, nothing too major, but she had to leave her job as she was physically unable to do it anymore. Shortly after we purchaed a home and she was still in treatment at the time.
Due to the injury and treatment i did not see the lack of sex or intimacy as a red flag, but i did not like it - we went from sex daily, love notes, huggs, kissing, etc, to almost nothing - all became initiated by me.
It was a stressfull time for my wife and i resepected that. She worked hard to get another job (which had much better hours and benifts) and continued with physio and assorted treatments.
Then (10years ago) she had surgery to correct the underlying issue....and the surgeon messed up...bad. She is now permanatly disabled with a nerve disorder (CRPS)
Here we are, ten years later, and this past 6months have been extremely difficult for me to cope with the situation.
She has improved somewhat, however the nature of the disorder leaves her in chronic pain, unable to work, and her autonomic system is affected (heart rate, digestion, arousal, temperature, etc).
I work in the health care field (geratrics) and have researched ger condition. I have also taken her to every appointment (10-15 per year) and been with her for every fight against the Workplace Insurance Board - so i do empathise and understand her condition.
We had a big talk the other day (repeat of a talk 2yrs prior) about lack of intimacy. Including sex, but also all forms like huggs, positive reinforcement etc. She agreed (somewhat) that our sex life is not normal (less than 6x per year), yet says there is nothing she can do about it. She admited she has no sexual feelings for me (or anyone else, ever), she does not want scheduled sex, she will never talk to a therapist, and that us talking about it only makes her feel pressured.
Not sure i can continue on anymore, but due to the situation feel i need to be here to support her at least until next summer (when we estimate her disablity pension will be settled) as she has no means to support herself. And i still care very deeply for her.
Put the internet to work for you.
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