Hello. I'm looking for any help I can find. My wife is accusing me of "stalking" someone on facebook and her imagination is running wild with theories and accusations and I feel like a deer in headlights. I don't want to get into a back and forth of trying to defend myself when I feel there is nothing to defend, and to do so would only make it appear that I'm trying to excuse her paranoia away. Six months ago I started my own business. This business requires that I work and network with realtors for the majority of my business. As part of my marketing, I go around to different real estate offices and introduce myself and drop off cards/brochures. I happened to receive a call back from an agent from one of these office who ended up using my services for one of their clients. This agent has since given work with several of her clients. Mind you, I have only met this agent once at it was only for about 30 minutes with the client present as we discus sed business. As part of building business relationships, I have befriended several of the agents of facebook, male and female. As such, things they post occasionally appear on my wall. It turns out this agent that has provided me with work several times ended up having several mutual friends, providing a some common ground. I noticed one day that this agent had posted something but she was no longer using her married last name and was using her maiden name. Out of human curiosity, I looked at her profile and noticed all the pictures of her significant other had been removed. I mentioned to my wife, oh it appears so and so have separated. I mentioned this to her only because I told my wife about this agent when she first gave me work (as I was excited to receive a call back from my marketing trips). Now, I should also mention, at some point I typed her name into my search bar in facebook to look at her profile (something I've done with numerous people. Isn't faceboo k for getting to know more about your friends and colleagues?) Anyways, this agent provided me with another client this past week. When I told my wife that I had another job provided by said agent, instead of being happy, she accused me of cheating on her and "stalking" her facebook page. I feel like a deer in headlights. I should also mention that I started going to the gym about a month ago (I only do cardio since I don't know how to use any of the other equipment) with the main purpose of gaining some natural energy, as I currently drink 12 cups of coffe/day and want to cut back. My wife is accusing me of using the gym as an excuse to go cheat on her with this agents page whom she accuses me of "stalking." She's accusing me of talking to her on a regular basis (because in her mind, how else could I know that she was separated). My wife went to this persons facebook page and told me that nowhere does she talk about a separation so I MUST be meeting/talking with this woman. Like I mentioned, when I noticed the name change and lack of photos, I more or less assumed she was separated (and it says such on her relationship status.) I've looked at her page maybe 2-3 times tops, once when first friended and again when I noticed the name change and checked the page again out of curiosity, which I hardly consider "stalking." Also, as a business owner who seeks to develop personal relationships, I feel it's important to stay somewhat up to speed with their lives as to not seem cold and disinterested. I have never once had a personal conversation with this agent regarding anything. Yesterday at school (I'm in college pursing my degree) I couldn't concentrate at all and when I went to work for the client that this agent referred to me, I was completely killed of my confidence, which is crucial in providing good service. It's to the point where I'm afraid to interact with any woman out of fear that my wife will think I'm going to try to cheat on her, I actually tremble with fear when talking other women, which is no bueno for business. After work and school yesterday, feeling totally defeated, I just went to bed to lay down and gather my thoughts. My wife came in with a sharp tone asking me how school was and how the job for the client went, both of which I replied "horrible" and left it at that. She kept snapping at me "what's your deal? why are you moping? should we just get a divorce?" I felt kicked in the stomach. I love this woman with all my heart, I love my family and my children. I don't know where any of this is coming from and I feel stuck between a rock an a hard place. On one hand, she wants me to be successful so we can continue to send our kids to private school and maintain a certain lifestyle, on the other hand, her insecurity is completely killing any confidence or drive I have to succeed. What's going to happen when I have business lunches, luncheons or meetings that involve other wom en? I'm less than 6 months into this business and I can see the writing on the wall, which is part of the reason I'm sulking. I've since deleted my facebook (along with my business page, since it was tied to my personal page.) I feel like If I continue to pursue my business, my marriage will end due to the insecurity and wild imagination of my wife. However, if I don't pursue excellence, we will end up living a substandard life, far less than our potential. If my kids aren't in such and such school, my wife will be utterly depressed, thus the need for me to pursue success. She slept on the couch last night and is being cold and sharp with me. I don't have anything to say to her because she acts like doesn't believe me when I tell her that I love her with all my heart and that my family means everything to me and I would never throw that away. She doesn't believe me when I tell her I think she's beautiful, she thinks I'm placating her. So basically, I'm sad and feel b lindsided and torn with this whole ordeal, and she's angry (another reason why I don't want to try to talk with her, as she's clearly displaying irrational behavior). She has no evidence of her claims (as there is none, I even told her to go check the gym records if she doesn't believe that I'm going). What can I do to save my family?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment