I am in desperate need of help here. I have only been married for just under a year. After 4 weeks of marriage my husband kissed a girl we both know when he was drunk (No excuse in my eyes) and since then I just lost all respect for him. I totally mentally abuse him when we have a huge fight and before I know it, I am calling him every name under the sun. I am really not someone that agrees with that and I think it is one of the worst forms of abuse. Afterwards (And even while I am saying these things) I feel so terrible to see how it hurts him and I make vow after vow after vow to myself to never say these things to him again but the next fight and I do the exact same thing. He is a very calm and placid person but always seems to want to discuss an ''issue'' or something thats on his mind (recently it was that he has fantasised about my friends and he is gets off to looking at porn images), we have huge issues when we have sex because he can't stay hard and thats knocked down ALL my confidence. but its never ending and always seems like he needs to ''get things off his chest'' about something or the other. I find this extremely frustrating because surely there should be days we can just enjoy and not discuss every last thing we think about each day. I don't know if its because Iv lost respect for him from the things he has done and told me or if I am just an abusive person. What if I do this to my children one day! I never thought id ever say these things to my husband (*******, useless, low class, idiot, piece of ****, has no money, I make all the money and he will never be good enough, pathetic) (these are just a few of the things IV told him) then what if I abuse my children we might have one day. (All I want is babies I love children and my dream has always been to have children but Iv gone back on birth control because I am so scared I might emotionally abuse them. How do I over come this and treat him the way I want t o. When we are not fighting we get on better then best friends and we are extremely close and to say we laugh constantly is an understatement. Why am I doing this to someone I love and why when I get angry with him do I feel like I hate him for everything he has done when we first got married with that girl and the porn, the fantasies about my friends, the sex issues. P.S. he never says mean things to me but I can slowly see how his ''soft and sweet'' approach is wearing thin! Soon he will be calling me the same things I think.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment