I hope this is a safe place I can share something as this has been weighing heavy on me for a while.
I want people to give me their honest opinion on if this was something I should be embarrassed about and if so, how do you think I should deal with the emotions. I feel like tools to get my self worth and confidence back would help.
I also want to highlight that I have always had self confidence and insecurity issues in my life.
Please read below on what happened:
I was out at a concert with my husband and his friends. We are all in late 20s. We tried molly (drug). It was my first time. His friends have done it before multiple times. I went to the bathroom and because there was a long line my husband who did not do it took me and several times it was fine. One time he was busy and so he asked one of his friends to take me as he knew where to take me and I was on the pill so I did not want to go alone. We were in line in front of the potty (those boxed ones that are put on for concerts). It came my turn and I went while he waited for me. It was so dark that I did not want to sit on the seat and I could not function with the darkness and me being on the pill very well. So I am embarrassed to say this but I peed on the floor! I did not want to sit on the dirty seat and I couldnt see anything. The pee must have rolled out on the dirt ground where everyone who was waiting could see it including him. He acted like it was nothing and I went back with him. That night several hours later we went over to our spot to chill for the night and when I was sitting around with my husbands friends I was leaning on my husband's shoulder while he was talking to a friend. The guy who took me to the bathroom was talking to another guy and they were both talking about how wierd I was and how the guy waiting for me was 'traumatized' and how 'hot and steamy my pee was..." :( I could hear everything while they thought I was passed out on my husbands arm. My husband was so busy talking he did not hear the other two.
I just felt so embarassed at how I made such a mistake. I don't undertsand why I am so wierd. I mean I udnerstand it was stupid and embarrassing for me that this happened but the other guy (not the one who was waiting outside) also was saying I am wierd but i dont know why he would think that too. I dont think I did anything wierd in front of him. I mean I dont remember everything but I think I also remember him saying he was wiered out by how I kept wanting more pills (as it wasnt working on me) but why would that make me wierd right?
I just feel so low with myself. One more thing that made the night worst is I was kissing and being very affectionate with my husband where I was kissing him a lot in front of his friends. The molly does this but his friends were just kind of looking and smirking and looking away. I remember feeling embarrased the next morning when I remembered and felt sooo bad...
1. they said I was wierd for no reason??! It puzzles me why they would think this :(
2. I was too affectionate in front of them and cheapened my image? I dunno.
All this guys are pot smokers and have done molly too so its not like they are clean or anythign.
Anyways it was my first time. I dont plan on doing it often. I just wanted to try.
Please help me figure this out how I can feel better about myself after what happened and if it is a big deal that they said all those things in the first place.
Thanks.
I want people to give me their honest opinion on if this was something I should be embarrassed about and if so, how do you think I should deal with the emotions. I feel like tools to get my self worth and confidence back would help.
I also want to highlight that I have always had self confidence and insecurity issues in my life.
Please read below on what happened:
I was out at a concert with my husband and his friends. We are all in late 20s. We tried molly (drug). It was my first time. His friends have done it before multiple times. I went to the bathroom and because there was a long line my husband who did not do it took me and several times it was fine. One time he was busy and so he asked one of his friends to take me as he knew where to take me and I was on the pill so I did not want to go alone. We were in line in front of the potty (those boxed ones that are put on for concerts). It came my turn and I went while he waited for me. It was so dark that I did not want to sit on the seat and I could not function with the darkness and me being on the pill very well. So I am embarrassed to say this but I peed on the floor! I did not want to sit on the dirty seat and I couldnt see anything. The pee must have rolled out on the dirt ground where everyone who was waiting could see it including him. He acted like it was nothing and I went back with him. That night several hours later we went over to our spot to chill for the night and when I was sitting around with my husbands friends I was leaning on my husband's shoulder while he was talking to a friend. The guy who took me to the bathroom was talking to another guy and they were both talking about how wierd I was and how the guy waiting for me was 'traumatized' and how 'hot and steamy my pee was..." :( I could hear everything while they thought I was passed out on my husbands arm. My husband was so busy talking he did not hear the other two.
I just felt so embarassed at how I made such a mistake. I don't undertsand why I am so wierd. I mean I udnerstand it was stupid and embarrassing for me that this happened but the other guy (not the one who was waiting outside) also was saying I am wierd but i dont know why he would think that too. I dont think I did anything wierd in front of him. I mean I dont remember everything but I think I also remember him saying he was wiered out by how I kept wanting more pills (as it wasnt working on me) but why would that make me wierd right?
I just feel so low with myself. One more thing that made the night worst is I was kissing and being very affectionate with my husband where I was kissing him a lot in front of his friends. The molly does this but his friends were just kind of looking and smirking and looking away. I remember feeling embarrased the next morning when I remembered and felt sooo bad...
1. they said I was wierd for no reason??! It puzzles me why they would think this :(
2. I was too affectionate in front of them and cheapened my image? I dunno.
All this guys are pot smokers and have done molly too so its not like they are clean or anythign.
Anyways it was my first time. I dont plan on doing it often. I just wanted to try.
Please help me figure this out how I can feel better about myself after what happened and if it is a big deal that they said all those things in the first place.
Thanks.
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