Background: Divorced for 3 years, co-parenting our two kids (both in elementary school) in collaborative and supportive way. She cheated on me (I found out after the fact, she is a WAW) and is now living with that person. It's a long story with many details but that's less the point here. He is an expat and was a household friend (though, not mine, no surprise here). Now he lives here. As I said we have a good parenting relationship, but I don't go to their house and though I have seen him, our paths don't cross. I make sure of that, and so does she.
Today I took the kids out for ice cream. We ordered and were sitting there eating. And then who walks in, yup. Her, and him (interesting things premonitions, I actually had a feeling it might happen, just for a split second, during the day). So there I was, she said hi to the kids, and him standing there with her.
I had often imagined what it might be like if/when we met. Needless to say I had a range of responses imagined... (yup, let your imagination run loose) and now suddenly and without planning here it (he) was.
It felt like eternity, my mind whizzing with what I might or should do. No, the fist to the face actually didn't come up as an option. I was not emotional or anything, that phase has passed. I actually felt how uncomfortable it is for me, and must be for him, and then my thoughts shifted to the kids. What do I want them to experience? What message do I want to send? What do I want them to remember? So, with great effort, and a pain/disgust that must have been apparent on my face, I reached out my hand and said: "{His name}, how are you". I don't know, I think he mumbled something. I tried to give a firm handshake, fairly sure I did. I vaguely recall his face is my peripheral vision, or maybe I looked directly at him, I don't recall. Anyway, then it was over. They stayed in the parlor, the kids went over, and I actually took the opportunity to sit outside with their mom to discuss something (kids related).
I don't really know what I want to say here. Probably just writing to vent. Issues of the place of forgiveness in our life come up, of course this is not a new subject for me to be thinking about (yes, I know, but in practice is more difficult than theory).
By way of attachments (yes it's the Buddhist speaking now), of course this is a big one. And attachment breeds suffering of course. I do think, however, that it was not my ego that wanted to show who was the bigger man to make the first move (well technically I can be his father, the prick, but that's another story...). Rather, my motivation really was for the children.
Anyway, I will stop rambling now.
Today I took the kids out for ice cream. We ordered and were sitting there eating. And then who walks in, yup. Her, and him (interesting things premonitions, I actually had a feeling it might happen, just for a split second, during the day). So there I was, she said hi to the kids, and him standing there with her.
I had often imagined what it might be like if/when we met. Needless to say I had a range of responses imagined... (yup, let your imagination run loose) and now suddenly and without planning here it (he) was.
It felt like eternity, my mind whizzing with what I might or should do. No, the fist to the face actually didn't come up as an option. I was not emotional or anything, that phase has passed. I actually felt how uncomfortable it is for me, and must be for him, and then my thoughts shifted to the kids. What do I want them to experience? What message do I want to send? What do I want them to remember? So, with great effort, and a pain/disgust that must have been apparent on my face, I reached out my hand and said: "{His name}, how are you". I don't know, I think he mumbled something. I tried to give a firm handshake, fairly sure I did. I vaguely recall his face is my peripheral vision, or maybe I looked directly at him, I don't recall. Anyway, then it was over. They stayed in the parlor, the kids went over, and I actually took the opportunity to sit outside with their mom to discuss something (kids related).
I don't really know what I want to say here. Probably just writing to vent. Issues of the place of forgiveness in our life come up, of course this is not a new subject for me to be thinking about (yes, I know, but in practice is more difficult than theory).
By way of attachments (yes it's the Buddhist speaking now), of course this is a big one. And attachment breeds suffering of course. I do think, however, that it was not my ego that wanted to show who was the bigger man to make the first move (well technically I can be his father, the prick, but that's another story...). Rather, my motivation really was for the children.
Anyway, I will stop rambling now.
Put the internet to work for you.
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