So here's the situation.
My wife and I have been married 15 years, together for 21 years. We have two sons, 6 and 2. There have been issues throughout our marriage regarding several key issues like finances and my work history, but we've always managed to overcome them. When we're good, we're great.
This summer, we started fighting more than usual. My attitude was horrible and I was being selfish. I work from home and do a lot with the kids (both are in school or daycare though), and I do most of the house stuff (cooking, laundry, etc.)
I also worked with my church's youth group. There were two instances this summer where I crossed the line with kids in my youth group. In one instance, I texted some inappropriate things to one teenage girl (things like "you're super cute", things like that...) We never met or had any physical contact. In truth, I had no end game in mind, I guess ultimately I was looking for a connection with someone who I thought could provide it. It was completely inappropriate and over the top wrong. Our last text was over 2 months ago and things seemed fine, but she decided to go to the staff at the church to report it last week.
The 2nd thing that happened this summer occurred on a retreat with some high school youth. One of the older kids convinced me to buy some alcohol for them on the last night of the retreat, and I did. Myself and two kids (one 16 and one 17) drank alcohol the last night of the trip. No one else (to my knowledge) drank anything and nobody got hurt or drove anywhere. (again, doesn't make it okay, just stating facts). One of the kids that was there decided to tell the staff of the church.
I've been barred from going to the church for an extended period of time, but my wife doesn't want me here when the kids are in bed. She's allowing me to see them in the morning (I show up before they wake up) and then take our youngest to school like normal. Then I'm allowed to be here at night to cook dinner, help put the kids to bed, etc. Then my wife wants me to leave. I'm currently staying with some friends who have an extra bed. I may end up at my mom's because she lives not too far away.
I'm going to start counseling soon (have first appt. scheduled and am on their cancellation list should an earlier appt. come up) and my wife and I had already agreed to couple's counseling (we've gone once before all this was revealed). We're going to our 2nd session next week.
The staff at the church is convinced more has happened but there isn't anything else left to tell (unless it's something I'm truly not aware of, like how someone interpreted something I did that wasn't intended how it was taken).
I feel very lost right now and I don't know how to act. I'm trying to be strong for my boys but I've done some terrible things. I'm trying to also have patience with my wife to work through how she feels but every time we have a good moment with the boys, it gets awkward between us after...in my heart of hearts, I don't think she wants to end it for good, but I just am finding it so hard to be in this state of limbo.
Any advice?
My wife and I have been married 15 years, together for 21 years. We have two sons, 6 and 2. There have been issues throughout our marriage regarding several key issues like finances and my work history, but we've always managed to overcome them. When we're good, we're great.
This summer, we started fighting more than usual. My attitude was horrible and I was being selfish. I work from home and do a lot with the kids (both are in school or daycare though), and I do most of the house stuff (cooking, laundry, etc.)
I also worked with my church's youth group. There were two instances this summer where I crossed the line with kids in my youth group. In one instance, I texted some inappropriate things to one teenage girl (things like "you're super cute", things like that...) We never met or had any physical contact. In truth, I had no end game in mind, I guess ultimately I was looking for a connection with someone who I thought could provide it. It was completely inappropriate and over the top wrong. Our last text was over 2 months ago and things seemed fine, but she decided to go to the staff at the church to report it last week.
The 2nd thing that happened this summer occurred on a retreat with some high school youth. One of the older kids convinced me to buy some alcohol for them on the last night of the retreat, and I did. Myself and two kids (one 16 and one 17) drank alcohol the last night of the trip. No one else (to my knowledge) drank anything and nobody got hurt or drove anywhere. (again, doesn't make it okay, just stating facts). One of the kids that was there decided to tell the staff of the church.
I've been barred from going to the church for an extended period of time, but my wife doesn't want me here when the kids are in bed. She's allowing me to see them in the morning (I show up before they wake up) and then take our youngest to school like normal. Then I'm allowed to be here at night to cook dinner, help put the kids to bed, etc. Then my wife wants me to leave. I'm currently staying with some friends who have an extra bed. I may end up at my mom's because she lives not too far away.
I'm going to start counseling soon (have first appt. scheduled and am on their cancellation list should an earlier appt. come up) and my wife and I had already agreed to couple's counseling (we've gone once before all this was revealed). We're going to our 2nd session next week.
The staff at the church is convinced more has happened but there isn't anything else left to tell (unless it's something I'm truly not aware of, like how someone interpreted something I did that wasn't intended how it was taken).
I feel very lost right now and I don't know how to act. I'm trying to be strong for my boys but I've done some terrible things. I'm trying to also have patience with my wife to work through how she feels but every time we have a good moment with the boys, it gets awkward between us after...in my heart of hearts, I don't think she wants to end it for good, but I just am finding it so hard to be in this state of limbo.
Any advice?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment