So while I am not 100% that my wife "consummated" an extrmarital affair, I know for a fact that she was seeing another man for a couple months; lunches, drinks after work, etc. I found the emails, texts and voicemails - nothing indicates actual sex, just some romance...but I could be wrong.
Anyway, a little background - I pretty much drove her to someone else, and am fortunate she decided to stay. I say this because for about 10 years I have pretty much ignored her, forgotten anniversaries, minimized birthdays, all but done nothing for Mothers Day, avoided her mom, and basically made her feel worthless...IOW, I was a very bad, immature husband. Not excusing her behavior, but I hae to be fair about this - I was, in a word, awful.
I do love her; I think she is beautiful, smart, funny and a good mother. But I don't trust her as far as I can throw her right now. Suffice it to say that there was a recent event with said man that brought us together like we haven't been for years. She was scared, I was scared, and we "realized" that we really do love each other. We are going to try to make this work with some professional help. Who knows, it may vvery well fall flat, but we are willing to try.
My question to the group is this: what is fair game in terms of monitoring her communication, her whereabouts, etc.? I have no delusions that I can police this relationship back to health, but I also can't live with the constant paranoia. She knows I am looking at her phone and reconciling it with the online statement - numbers called, texted, etc. No amount of oversight/controlling is going to change where we are right now, and if she wants to cheat, she is going to. I just am confused on how to handle the day-to-day stuff. Any thoughts are welcome.
Thx,
EGS
Anyway, a little background - I pretty much drove her to someone else, and am fortunate she decided to stay. I say this because for about 10 years I have pretty much ignored her, forgotten anniversaries, minimized birthdays, all but done nothing for Mothers Day, avoided her mom, and basically made her feel worthless...IOW, I was a very bad, immature husband. Not excusing her behavior, but I hae to be fair about this - I was, in a word, awful.
I do love her; I think she is beautiful, smart, funny and a good mother. But I don't trust her as far as I can throw her right now. Suffice it to say that there was a recent event with said man that brought us together like we haven't been for years. She was scared, I was scared, and we "realized" that we really do love each other. We are going to try to make this work with some professional help. Who knows, it may vvery well fall flat, but we are willing to try.
My question to the group is this: what is fair game in terms of monitoring her communication, her whereabouts, etc.? I have no delusions that I can police this relationship back to health, but I also can't live with the constant paranoia. She knows I am looking at her phone and reconciling it with the online statement - numbers called, texted, etc. No amount of oversight/controlling is going to change where we are right now, and if she wants to cheat, she is going to. I just am confused on how to handle the day-to-day stuff. Any thoughts are welcome.
Thx,
EGS
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment