Hello,
I've been married for 13 years to a professional man in the medical field that has been emotionally and verbally abusive since I've known him. I naively thought he would change after marriage, change after a baby, change after this or that. Denial, denial... We struggled financially for the first 10 years, in which he was paying huge student loans, dealing with bad credit, etc. I worked the entire time as a bartender and supported us as he finished school.
The entire time the plan was for is to get pregnant and I would stay home and raise out child. 4 years ago we were blessed with a daughter. The day I found out I was pregnant, he literally pulled almost all affection away from me, and refused to have sex with me. I had a difficult pregnancy, so I really didn't mind at the time, but he never had a desire for me again. We literally have probably had sex maybe 10 times since my daughter was born 4 years ago. I was very slender and petite before baby, then of course went through the normal changes a pregnant woman goes through.
After the baby was born, he would go out all night long, with no regards to how that made me feel. I suffered severe post partum, went to a therapist , and got on meds. I finally got my husband to go to the therapist with me, and he raised his voice and fought with me right in the office during our session, and would not go back. The therapist in turn, told me my husband was very troubled and I should really consider leaving him.
I eventuallyleave for 2 months and went to the next state over to stay with my mom. He got a very high priced attorney and I was legally forced back to his home state...well I actually caved at the point that I realized I was going to be forced back. I asked for his "forgiveness", just because I was absolutely petrified at that point that my child may be taken away. I was told by my attorney in my mother's state that I would most likely have to return to his state, or my child would be returned to him without me. This entire episode scarred me terribly, and ever since, I am frightened to the bone that he can somehow keep me from my daughter. I know in reality he cannot, but the stress of that happening has kept me in this awful marriage.
I lost tons of weight during this time, got below my pre baby weight even, yet he still will make terrible remarks about my body. Now my breasts aren't right, my body isn't right, even my hair wasn't blonde enough...he made it clear that he was initially attracted to me for appearance only, and I just am not 26 anymore. I work out regularly, am told many times that I look great for my age. I'm not overweight. Not that any of that should matter, but it obviously does very much to him. I honestly don't think I could ever look the way he desires, as no matter what I do, I cannot be 26 again...I spend a lot of time and money trying to improve myself, and it doesn't matter to him.
Jump forward to last summer...we moved back to a place I had lived previously before I met him. I was overjoyed at this move, had no friends in his home state, was very isolated.. I have several female friends here. I'm invited to do some social things. He blows up ever time I do something. Which is still very rare, but it's clear he does not want me to have friends. He will tell me it's absolutely fine for me to go to a girls dinner, but then he will pick a fight with me while I get ready, then treat me terribly the next day. I refuse to give up having friends. I don't want to be in that position ever again, alone like that. This weekend a girlfriend had a birthday dinner at her house, and I "asked for permission" like I always do, weeks ahead of time. He told me it was absolutely fine for me to go.
I got home at 12:30 and he called me every name in the book when I got home. I felt very threatened. I begged him to stop, that he would wake our daughter, and he did not care. She did wake up crying, scared. I locked myself in her bedroom and rocked her back to sleep. Then I slept in the bed with her that night. Felt fearful to even come out of the room.
This is where my HUGE fear comes in to play..I know if I leave him, he will have custody of her on the weekends. I'm petrified of not being there with her. I have seen him get angry with her, a 4 year old, when she doesn't want to jump and do what he wants to do.. He has said that we "both can **** off." That kind of thing .I don't want to be away from her every single weekend. I worry about his moods. That has kept me from leaving him. I really just don't know what to do. I feel stuck.
I am a SAHM, I had just enrolled to take some courses to go towards my unfinished degree while me daughter would be in pre-k. Now I feel like I may not be able to attend, if I leave him. I will need a job. I want to do what's best for my daughter. I just don't know how to deal with his abuse anymore, and how he is trying to keep me from having friends. I'm absolutely miserable when he's home. :(:(
Oh, and he constantly throws the fact that he "pays for everything" and I "do nothing" in my face. My lack of a college education is another thing he also throws in my face.
I've been married for 13 years to a professional man in the medical field that has been emotionally and verbally abusive since I've known him. I naively thought he would change after marriage, change after a baby, change after this or that. Denial, denial... We struggled financially for the first 10 years, in which he was paying huge student loans, dealing with bad credit, etc. I worked the entire time as a bartender and supported us as he finished school.
The entire time the plan was for is to get pregnant and I would stay home and raise out child. 4 years ago we were blessed with a daughter. The day I found out I was pregnant, he literally pulled almost all affection away from me, and refused to have sex with me. I had a difficult pregnancy, so I really didn't mind at the time, but he never had a desire for me again. We literally have probably had sex maybe 10 times since my daughter was born 4 years ago. I was very slender and petite before baby, then of course went through the normal changes a pregnant woman goes through.
After the baby was born, he would go out all night long, with no regards to how that made me feel. I suffered severe post partum, went to a therapist , and got on meds. I finally got my husband to go to the therapist with me, and he raised his voice and fought with me right in the office during our session, and would not go back. The therapist in turn, told me my husband was very troubled and I should really consider leaving him.
I eventuallyleave for 2 months and went to the next state over to stay with my mom. He got a very high priced attorney and I was legally forced back to his home state...well I actually caved at the point that I realized I was going to be forced back. I asked for his "forgiveness", just because I was absolutely petrified at that point that my child may be taken away. I was told by my attorney in my mother's state that I would most likely have to return to his state, or my child would be returned to him without me. This entire episode scarred me terribly, and ever since, I am frightened to the bone that he can somehow keep me from my daughter. I know in reality he cannot, but the stress of that happening has kept me in this awful marriage.
I lost tons of weight during this time, got below my pre baby weight even, yet he still will make terrible remarks about my body. Now my breasts aren't right, my body isn't right, even my hair wasn't blonde enough...he made it clear that he was initially attracted to me for appearance only, and I just am not 26 anymore. I work out regularly, am told many times that I look great for my age. I'm not overweight. Not that any of that should matter, but it obviously does very much to him. I honestly don't think I could ever look the way he desires, as no matter what I do, I cannot be 26 again...I spend a lot of time and money trying to improve myself, and it doesn't matter to him.
Jump forward to last summer...we moved back to a place I had lived previously before I met him. I was overjoyed at this move, had no friends in his home state, was very isolated.. I have several female friends here. I'm invited to do some social things. He blows up ever time I do something. Which is still very rare, but it's clear he does not want me to have friends. He will tell me it's absolutely fine for me to go to a girls dinner, but then he will pick a fight with me while I get ready, then treat me terribly the next day. I refuse to give up having friends. I don't want to be in that position ever again, alone like that. This weekend a girlfriend had a birthday dinner at her house, and I "asked for permission" like I always do, weeks ahead of time. He told me it was absolutely fine for me to go.
I got home at 12:30 and he called me every name in the book when I got home. I felt very threatened. I begged him to stop, that he would wake our daughter, and he did not care. She did wake up crying, scared. I locked myself in her bedroom and rocked her back to sleep. Then I slept in the bed with her that night. Felt fearful to even come out of the room.
This is where my HUGE fear comes in to play..I know if I leave him, he will have custody of her on the weekends. I'm petrified of not being there with her. I have seen him get angry with her, a 4 year old, when she doesn't want to jump and do what he wants to do.. He has said that we "both can **** off." That kind of thing .I don't want to be away from her every single weekend. I worry about his moods. That has kept me from leaving him. I really just don't know what to do. I feel stuck.
I am a SAHM, I had just enrolled to take some courses to go towards my unfinished degree while me daughter would be in pre-k. Now I feel like I may not be able to attend, if I leave him. I will need a job. I want to do what's best for my daughter. I just don't know how to deal with his abuse anymore, and how he is trying to keep me from having friends. I'm absolutely miserable when he's home. :(:(
Oh, and he constantly throws the fact that he "pays for everything" and I "do nothing" in my face. My lack of a college education is another thing he also throws in my face.
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