Since not long after the birth of my son, my only child, I have been reluctant to want more. It was a lot of work, and my W at the time said that was enough (she had a rough delivery and quite significant post partum depression). She decided to get her tubes tied, and when I tried to have a discussion about it with her she basically said she wanted no responsibility for more children and the only way it would happen is if I showed that I was going to step up and do pretty much all the parenting (in addition to my current roles).
So I realized then I wasn't going to have any more children - it was not so much sad as it was unempowering, and certainly didn't help me avoid the depression I fell into (though was certainly not the sole cause).
When we divorced it eventually became clear that biologically I was still intact and thus children was a possibility again, though it would certainly have to be with the right person. I also knew it would be a few years before that point came or even being ready for such a relationship, and I kind of determined that I didn't want to be changing diapers in my 40's.
So at the ripe age of 37.5 I feel like I am at a fork in the road. I'm in a relationship with a woman that has a grown daughter and is 100% certain she does not want more, and I am 95% I don't want more yet, but I know that I can't say for sure and this is something I need to figure out before my relationship progresses.
I was about to have the vasectomy a couple years ago but decided to wait instead. This is certainly factoring into my sex life but I'm not sure how exactly, my confidence is certainly not all the way up, which affects libido as well as fear of unwanted pregnancy - I believe it will improve if I was to just go with my instinct to get snipped.
But that little part of me that used to imagine seeing 2, or even more, kids running up to me yelling daddy is still there, in some ways feels like a failure as a man to make a family. I know that is not what life has to be, but it's the only way I end up seeing it. Not even that I want that, simply that I always thought that's how it should be for me.
How did you know when you were done having children? Did you ever feel like you had to let go of anything?
So I realized then I wasn't going to have any more children - it was not so much sad as it was unempowering, and certainly didn't help me avoid the depression I fell into (though was certainly not the sole cause).
When we divorced it eventually became clear that biologically I was still intact and thus children was a possibility again, though it would certainly have to be with the right person. I also knew it would be a few years before that point came or even being ready for such a relationship, and I kind of determined that I didn't want to be changing diapers in my 40's.
So at the ripe age of 37.5 I feel like I am at a fork in the road. I'm in a relationship with a woman that has a grown daughter and is 100% certain she does not want more, and I am 95% I don't want more yet, but I know that I can't say for sure and this is something I need to figure out before my relationship progresses.
I was about to have the vasectomy a couple years ago but decided to wait instead. This is certainly factoring into my sex life but I'm not sure how exactly, my confidence is certainly not all the way up, which affects libido as well as fear of unwanted pregnancy - I believe it will improve if I was to just go with my instinct to get snipped.
But that little part of me that used to imagine seeing 2, or even more, kids running up to me yelling daddy is still there, in some ways feels like a failure as a man to make a family. I know that is not what life has to be, but it's the only way I end up seeing it. Not even that I want that, simply that I always thought that's how it should be for me.
How did you know when you were done having children? Did you ever feel like you had to let go of anything?
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