I'm sure we all deal with it. Nothing original here, lol.
I'm supposed to go with dh today to the city where he works. We have a small apartment there where I will be during the day. We will drive back home Fri. night, so I won't be away from the kids long -- maybe 56 hours total.
But I feel so guilty.
I feel like, as a SAHM, my responsibilities are divided between dh and the kids. I feel like it is my life's work to be devoted, first to dh, and then to the kids. The devotion to the kids is more intense when kids are growing, because they need a mother more then. But as they grow, it lessens and there is more time for going back to focusing on dh.
Dh is not needy. He told me he would like me to come with him today, but I certainly do not have to. He said it really is up to me.
I love dh very much, but I know how focused on work he is. I get this idea in my head that we are going to spend lots of time together, talking about things I am interested in:D.
But I would not be surprised if he ends up having to work later than planned. Sometimes meetings just come up, or there are e-mails in the evening or whatever. I'm afraid I'll end up feeling obligated to give him time to work and I will sit on the couch waiting for him.
He reassures me it will not be this way, that he will be home by 6 or even earlier, and we will spend time together. But I still have to fill all day in a small city in a rural area. It just sounds totally boring to me. He told me I am mostly on the computer during the day anyway (blush! I am addicted here!), and this way I would not have the kids around bothering me.
Gosh, that makes me feel guilty. For the last two weeks, I have spent hours a day reading and writing on here. It has really fulfilled a need for adult interaction that is just harder for me to get in real life.
I think the conflict is between my ideals (devotion to spouse and children) and my reality (I need interests of my own and time to engage in them; I am not just a personal servant to dh and the kids).
I feel so guilty. I feel so selfish. I just can't be perfect, though.
I can't be the only mom here with these feelings. How do you reconcile devotion to your mate, your kids, and the reality that you are a person in your own right and that is just not going to go away no matter how much you think you should honor your spouse and your children?
I'm supposed to go with dh today to the city where he works. We have a small apartment there where I will be during the day. We will drive back home Fri. night, so I won't be away from the kids long -- maybe 56 hours total.
But I feel so guilty.
I feel like, as a SAHM, my responsibilities are divided between dh and the kids. I feel like it is my life's work to be devoted, first to dh, and then to the kids. The devotion to the kids is more intense when kids are growing, because they need a mother more then. But as they grow, it lessens and there is more time for going back to focusing on dh.
Dh is not needy. He told me he would like me to come with him today, but I certainly do not have to. He said it really is up to me.
I love dh very much, but I know how focused on work he is. I get this idea in my head that we are going to spend lots of time together, talking about things I am interested in:D.
But I would not be surprised if he ends up having to work later than planned. Sometimes meetings just come up, or there are e-mails in the evening or whatever. I'm afraid I'll end up feeling obligated to give him time to work and I will sit on the couch waiting for him.
He reassures me it will not be this way, that he will be home by 6 or even earlier, and we will spend time together. But I still have to fill all day in a small city in a rural area. It just sounds totally boring to me. He told me I am mostly on the computer during the day anyway (blush! I am addicted here!), and this way I would not have the kids around bothering me.
Gosh, that makes me feel guilty. For the last two weeks, I have spent hours a day reading and writing on here. It has really fulfilled a need for adult interaction that is just harder for me to get in real life.
I think the conflict is between my ideals (devotion to spouse and children) and my reality (I need interests of my own and time to engage in them; I am not just a personal servant to dh and the kids).
I feel so guilty. I feel so selfish. I just can't be perfect, though.
I can't be the only mom here with these feelings. How do you reconcile devotion to your mate, your kids, and the reality that you are a person in your own right and that is just not going to go away no matter how much you think you should honor your spouse and your children?
Put the internet to work for you.
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