Hi All - Happy New Year to everyone, I hope 2014 brings us all fulfillment in our relationships. :)
I am mid-30s an engaged to a man in mid-40s. We have been together for 4 and a half years, engaged for a year and a half. I just joined TAM today because I need help figuring out what to do.
In a nutshell, we are not having sex regularly. Probably once a month, if that. We have talked about it and even joke a little with each other because it is better than not talking about it. When we first met, we had sex regularly (a couple times a week), then it tapered off over the years.
The sex has never been mind-blowing, but it has been good. He is very vanilla about sex, and rarely if ever goes down South. It also seems like he really doesn't enjoy BJs. When we do have sex it hurts me at first (like a tearing sensation, or a scratch inside), but then it is fine. I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm through regular sex.
My fiancé is very loving and sincere, and I do love him very much. We usually get along well. But, for the past 3-5 months we have been snipping and fighting with each other over every little thing. When I get drunk (which is bad, I know I have a problem binge drinking which I intend to stop this year); he says I break up with him. I don't remember because I black out.
Also, since I'm putting everything out there, I am ashamed to admit that during one particularly bad binge night about a year ago I slept with some random guy. I didn't remember anything, but I woke up in the morning next to this guy whose name I didn't even know. I was horrified and I said, "Didn't you see my ring?" He claimed he did not. I take full responsibility, this was my own fault getting so drunk at a bar alone. That day, I went home and told my fiancé that I went to house party with a mixed group of girls and guys, and nothing happened. I am a horrible liar, so I am not sure if he ultimately believed me or just wanted to believe me. Either way, this infidelity has caused a huge deal of guilt on my end which I'm sure has affected our sex life.
I don't know what to do. I thought about confessing, but it would only hurt him more and not help anything.
Any ideas? I do want to marry him and be happy.
I must sound like a horrible person. Thanks for reading/listening.
I am mid-30s an engaged to a man in mid-40s. We have been together for 4 and a half years, engaged for a year and a half. I just joined TAM today because I need help figuring out what to do.
In a nutshell, we are not having sex regularly. Probably once a month, if that. We have talked about it and even joke a little with each other because it is better than not talking about it. When we first met, we had sex regularly (a couple times a week), then it tapered off over the years.
The sex has never been mind-blowing, but it has been good. He is very vanilla about sex, and rarely if ever goes down South. It also seems like he really doesn't enjoy BJs. When we do have sex it hurts me at first (like a tearing sensation, or a scratch inside), but then it is fine. I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm through regular sex.
My fiancé is very loving and sincere, and I do love him very much. We usually get along well. But, for the past 3-5 months we have been snipping and fighting with each other over every little thing. When I get drunk (which is bad, I know I have a problem binge drinking which I intend to stop this year); he says I break up with him. I don't remember because I black out.
Also, since I'm putting everything out there, I am ashamed to admit that during one particularly bad binge night about a year ago I slept with some random guy. I didn't remember anything, but I woke up in the morning next to this guy whose name I didn't even know. I was horrified and I said, "Didn't you see my ring?" He claimed he did not. I take full responsibility, this was my own fault getting so drunk at a bar alone. That day, I went home and told my fiancé that I went to house party with a mixed group of girls and guys, and nothing happened. I am a horrible liar, so I am not sure if he ultimately believed me or just wanted to believe me. Either way, this infidelity has caused a huge deal of guilt on my end which I'm sure has affected our sex life.
I don't know what to do. I thought about confessing, but it would only hurt him more and not help anything.
Any ideas? I do want to marry him and be happy.
I must sound like a horrible person. Thanks for reading/listening.
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