I am a homeowner and my girlfriend moved in with me back in September. The relationship has been going great, and we decided to take the next step.
Prior to her moving in, we agreed that she would pay rent ($400/month). This would cover everything, including utilities. At her old place she shared with her roommate, she was paying $750/month + 1/2 the utilities. So basically her housing costs were cut by more than 50% by living with me.
Right before she moved in, she told me she was really struggling with some debt. Her credit cards were totally maxed out. I suggested she could live the first 6 months 'rent-free', and apply the money she was paying at the time for housing (~$850/month) toward her credit cards. She owed about $6K to the card companies at the time and this would allow her to pay down most, if not all of her credit card debt.
So the last 4 months, I have been paying 100% of the mortgage + utilities + most of the food/entertainment/etc. The only thing she pays communally is she picks up groceries once in awhile.
Fast forward to last week, I grabbed the mail and noticed she received what looked like an overdraft notice. I asked her about it and she said she her account was completely tapped out. I asked her how this was possible as she has been living rent free for 4 months. She said she's had a lot of expenses lately (she didn't go into specifics other than her car insurance was due and this was an "expensive time of year").
I then asked her how she was doing with her credit cards and she said she's still maxed out, and is still only making minimum payments. Alarm bells have been ringing in my head ever since. It's not like I see her go on wild shopping sprees either, so I am not clear where the money she should be saving by living with me is going...
I have a feeling when the 6 months are up, she still will have no money, nor the ability to pay what we agreed upon. So I have two problems, one short-term and one long term and would welcome suggestions:
Should I confront her about the issue now, or wait until March and ask for the money she agreed to pay? I should add it isn't that I cannot afford to pay my mortgage and utilities; I was doing so for two years before we met...although my utilities/overall costs have gone up since she moved in. But anyway, I don't need her to take care of me. But it is really worrisome that she does not seem to be able to take care of herself financially. . What if something happened to me? What if we broke up? I want to be her boyfriend, not a father or a guardian. $400/month in housing costs seems like something most people at her salary level should be able to handle...I don't want to be in the position of lecturing her about her life, nor do I want to be a bill collector.
I make about $75K/year and am basically debt-free. My girlfriend makes a little under $50K, but has a sizable student loan payment; a $200/month car note, and of course credit card debt (this is the debt that I'm aware of).
Thoughts? Am I being an insensitive boyfriend, or am I setting myself up to be a sucker? Since I don't need the $400, should I let it go? Or do I need to hold her to our agreement?
Prior to her moving in, we agreed that she would pay rent ($400/month). This would cover everything, including utilities. At her old place she shared with her roommate, she was paying $750/month + 1/2 the utilities. So basically her housing costs were cut by more than 50% by living with me.
Right before she moved in, she told me she was really struggling with some debt. Her credit cards were totally maxed out. I suggested she could live the first 6 months 'rent-free', and apply the money she was paying at the time for housing (~$850/month) toward her credit cards. She owed about $6K to the card companies at the time and this would allow her to pay down most, if not all of her credit card debt.
So the last 4 months, I have been paying 100% of the mortgage + utilities + most of the food/entertainment/etc. The only thing she pays communally is she picks up groceries once in awhile.
Fast forward to last week, I grabbed the mail and noticed she received what looked like an overdraft notice. I asked her about it and she said she her account was completely tapped out. I asked her how this was possible as she has been living rent free for 4 months. She said she's had a lot of expenses lately (she didn't go into specifics other than her car insurance was due and this was an "expensive time of year").
I then asked her how she was doing with her credit cards and she said she's still maxed out, and is still only making minimum payments. Alarm bells have been ringing in my head ever since. It's not like I see her go on wild shopping sprees either, so I am not clear where the money she should be saving by living with me is going...
I have a feeling when the 6 months are up, she still will have no money, nor the ability to pay what we agreed upon. So I have two problems, one short-term and one long term and would welcome suggestions:
Should I confront her about the issue now, or wait until March and ask for the money she agreed to pay? I should add it isn't that I cannot afford to pay my mortgage and utilities; I was doing so for two years before we met...although my utilities/overall costs have gone up since she moved in. But anyway, I don't need her to take care of me. But it is really worrisome that she does not seem to be able to take care of herself financially. . What if something happened to me? What if we broke up? I want to be her boyfriend, not a father or a guardian. $400/month in housing costs seems like something most people at her salary level should be able to handle...I don't want to be in the position of lecturing her about her life, nor do I want to be a bill collector.
I make about $75K/year and am basically debt-free. My girlfriend makes a little under $50K, but has a sizable student loan payment; a $200/month car note, and of course credit card debt (this is the debt that I'm aware of).
Thoughts? Am I being an insensitive boyfriend, or am I setting myself up to be a sucker? Since I don't need the $400, should I let it go? Or do I need to hold her to our agreement?
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