| Hi TAM forum, I am new here and I am going to lay it all out on the table. I am going to try to write my stats as succintly as possible. I am 34, H: 33, I am 7.5 months pregnant with our first child. We have been together for 8 years and married 6.5. I thought he wanted this baby but apparently he revealed I "forced him" to have this baby. That may explain his sudden movement away from me and the baby at around month 5 that involved him staying out of the house every single day late at work, hanging with friends or with his mom. He has since admitted that he is not in love with me anymore and does not think our marriage will work out. He also says we got married too soon. (He was the one who forced the issue, by the way). He goes from agreeing to a divorce/separation (when I present that as an alternative) to saying I should "wait and see" how things go when the baby arrives to agreeing to a modified separation in which he will live with me and baby just for the baby's sake but otherwise we will lead separate lives. We haven't had sex in over three months bc of some issues I was having in pregnancy despite the fact that we were not precluded from doing so by the doctor. I am so disgusted with him I don't see how we're ever going to have sex again. Amid all this turmoil we finally sold our condo (this was a huge source of stress for our marriage as it was on the market for four months with no offers) and bought a house within the past two weeks (so we can do this modified separation thing). He had previously abandoned me 18 months ago in favour of an EA with his high school ex. I am actually not quite sure it wasn't PA but no proof and he denies that. We also lost a baby when he came back to me after the EA. This makes this current abandonment extra hard because I feel like he thinks it's ok to leave me every couple of years. I feel extra bad bc he destroyed what was supposed to be a happy time for our family midway through the pregnancy. Even if we make it through this pregnancy will always be marred with awful memories. Now we are busy with the condo/house closings and he seems to be excited about fixing up the house. But he told me before he sees it as a real estate transaction (we should make money if we sell it at some time in the future) and that he'd rather pay half for mortgage than for rent (recognizing his support obligations to me and his baby if he does walk away) if he does decide to leave and/or do the modified separation. His issue is that he is emotionally distant and uncaring on regular days ... but at least we had good love life and common goals. But when he is not into me, like now, it is totally obvious bc he totally stops talking to me and disconnects from what holds us together. My issue is that I have general anxiety and due to the abandonment in this marriage (now twice) I have trouble letting things go. If I get upset about something instead of letting it go, I bombard him with a million argumentative texts or call him 20 times in a row (of course he doesn't pick up). I am suspicious and I don't trust that he will always be there for me. In fact, he has (now) made it very clear that abandonment is always an option for him and that he values happiness over marital and parental obligations. (He will always be "there" for our son and support him so that's not the issue, but he always presented himself as a "family values" type of guy). I am at a real loss. I can't really employ DB techniques while pregnant, packing up a condo, closing on real estate deals and being generally scared out of my mind about impending motherhood. I know this is not a lot on info to go on but does anyone think I can save my marriage? He claims to be finally done with me (T: 8 years, M: 6.5) bc I can get pretty "crazy" when I ruminate about things ... not that he ever gives me any comfort in this marriage. But then he's literally planning ways to improve the whole house. I am considering all options including taking anti-anxiety medication after one month of breastfeeding. I really wanted to breastfeed my baby for longer but I don't think I can not take meds at this point bc the anxiety is ruining my life and marriage (he may not be a saint but I also don't do myself any favours by being an anxious mess). I can say he should love me for who I am, but how can anyone love a person like me who goes into fits of sadness and anxiety-fueled rants, arguments and crying? It's not like any other man would find that attractive instead. Despite that part of me, I do have a generally good self esteem. I think I am pretty, I am smart and accomplished (doctorate degree, professional and business executive), and my friends like me a lot. I want to make my marriage work but I am not so sure it's worth it after a second round of abandonment, especially while I'm pregnant. Any advice? I am lost, I just want my marriage and husband back. Should I see what happens when we move into the new house and take control of my anxiety with meds? Or should I just cut my losses, file for divorce and move on with my new life with my son in my new house without him (or on a modified "in house" separation)? :scratchhead::confused::( | |||
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