| Here is my tale of woe. I'm hoping it will have some sort of therapeutic benefit, so apologies for the length. Bit of back-story: I'm English and my cheating wife is Japanese. We met in England while we were both studying. We were married for 6 years and together for ten overall. I thought she was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. Because we were from different countries and because of visas, illness, family concerns etc. there were often times when we apart for long periods of time. I trusted her and she trusted me. We spoke every day and I never had a problem staying faithful and as far as I knew, neither did she. Two years ago, we decided that we would move back to Japan together, as it would be easier for her to get a job and the cost of living was cheaper. My wife returned first and started to prepare for me coming over, getting a job, sorting visa etc. while I moved back to my parents, worked hard and saved money. First warning sign I get is an email from her asking if I would be cool with her going to lunch or out for a drink with a male colleague as 'friends'. I replied that I didn't think it was a great idea and that whoever this dude was, he didn't have friendship on his mind. My wife replies that it wasn't about her and she just wanted to know my opinion as she read it in a magazine. Didn't believe her for a minute, but thought I'd made my point clear. Also if she was thinking of cheating/didn't want to be married to me any more, all she had to do was tell me she wasn't doing my visa and there would be nothing I could do about it. So no problem, right? Wrong, of course. My crazy wife instead lets me move all the way across the world, get rid of half my stuff, quit my job, give up my flat, spend thousands on moving etc. As soon as I get there a month or so later I sense things aren't right. It's just a gut feeling along with her unusually snotty attitude towards me. At first I thought it was because I wasn't working right away and she was working her first full time job, but after a while things got too suspicious (frequent texting to unnamed friends, frequent work leaving parties ((her shop wouldn't have any staff left if she was telling the truth!)) ) I started snooping and found out she was having an affair with a co-worker. I felt like I'd been kicked through a window. I still can't believe that it happened. While not always perfect, we had no issues in our marriage that I could think of at all. Certainly none that couldn't be solved by communication rather than cheating. I was one of the only happily married couples I knew. Friends would use us as an example when talking about successful marriages. My wife couldn't give an adequate reason for why. It might have been easier to accept if I was neglectful, a drunk or wasn't taking care of things in the bedroom; instead I got total drivel like how one time in 2005 when it was 30 odd degrees I wanted the air conditioner on, but the noise was keeping her awake. Because of her actions I don't believe a word she says any longer anyway, so it's something I'm probably never going to get a proper answer to. I gave it some thought, but the sense of betrayal was too great. The person I was in love with would never have done this to me. I went home to England and am all set to divorce. Shortly after leaving, my wife sends me my divorce papers, saying she doesn't want to, I reply, 'Why did you cheat on me then? it makes no sense.' my only reply is an unsatisfactory, 'I know.' | |||
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