| Hi - I'm new to the forums, and not sure if this is exactly the right place to post. Please let me know if it's not :) I've been married for 2 years now to my husband - we're both young, I'm 23 and he's 24. We were both active duty military when we met and married, he separated from the service last December and I've already re-enlisted for another three years. Our plan was, I will stay in so that we have a steady income/health insurance/guaranteed home, while he goes to school; by the time my next enlistment is up, he should have his degree and a job and I can go to school full-time. I have absolutely no problem with my husband not working - it's a hard adjustment to go to basically one income (he gets GI Bill but only while in school), but I told him point-blank I would rather he stay home and concentrate fully on school and his future career than get a job to make us more comfortable in the short run. I know that he struggles occasionally with his studies, so I actually would prefer him NOT to work, so he can get the best grades he can get and have the opportunity to go to post-graduate school if he wants to. He's played with the idea of being a lawyer the entire time I've known him, and I'd hate him to miss out on law school because of a low GPA. However, as he's home all day, I do ask him to keep up with the housework and take care of our dogs. This makes sense to me; I don't ask him to keep everything sparkling, but as he spends more time at home than I do during the week, he has more of an opportunity to tidy up. I do the majority of the cooking, I wash/sort/fold laundry, he puts the trash out for pickup weekly and does the yard work, but otherwise we share cleaning responsibilities. But he doesn't clean! I tried writing down all the chores. I tried assigning different cleaning tasks to different days to better break it up. I tried offering "incentives" to get him to clean. His usual M.O. goes something like this (as an example): On Tuesday, he will clean the house beautifully. Thursday I might ask him to put the dishes in the dishwasher from the night before and vacuum the living room. He doesn't. I mention it and he'll say "but on Tuesday I cleaned the WHOLE house!". This usually starts an argument. And the cycle repeats itself weekly. He seems to get really defensive every time I mention that since I am working full-time I really need him to at least help me on the housework, and likes to respond with "well, I'm earning a full-time income too (the GI Bill when school is in session)". I'm at my wits end. I love this man but seriously, I'm exhausted! I can't work 8-10 hour days, come home, cook dinner, take care of the dogs, and clean the house every day. This is a little embarrassing to admit, but I'm usually too tired to even think of intimacy. And we don't have children yet! That was a wall of text, I apologize. But any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in any case for letting me vent :) | |||
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