| Hi all, Hoping one of you may be able to offer a bit of advice. Here is ours situation - been with wife for six years, married for two, no kids. She has always been overweight, and I always wanted her to lose it for any number of reasons - she did too but never really did anything about it except for a few pounds here and there which swiftly went back on again. As with many couples, we both gained weight after getting together and then again after marrying. I've always managed to control my weight with healthy eating and exercise. My wife never used to eat healthily but is much better these days. If I'm around she eats what I prepare, but if I'm not then its take aways, ready meals, snacking etc. Exercise has always been an issue and usually this amounts to very little or one at all in a typical week. A 200m walk needs the car etc. Just lately it has become more urgent that something be done about it. A while back she was suffering with sciatica. The doctor advised her to lose weight. A few months later she was diagnosed with a fatty liver caused by obesity. Again she was told she must lose weight. Just lately, she has been having fertility investigations (We've been trying for quite a while without success and she is not the ideal age for having children). The doctor has said that in order to be eligible to receive treatment, she needs to reduce her BMI to at least 35, maybe 30. It currently stands at about 40. This means a weight loss of 35 to 70 lbs. That was 2 months ago and since then 7 lbs came off, we went on holiday and it went back on again. We did agree that he diet would be paused for our holiday, which lasted 2 weeks and finished 3 weeks ago. The diet didn't resume though and in 1 month, were seeing the doctor again. Unfortunately it looks like she won't have lost anywhere near enough to get this treatment - if indeed she does need it - and the doctor w ill probably not take her seriously. We've talked about this kind of thing many times and she knows being overweight does reduce your chances of conception and is especially bad if you're the wrong side of 40. It also increases the chance of pregnancy complications. She understands all this but still can't do anything about it. Her major problem seems to be confidence, and I really don't know what to do. At times it seems like she would rather do anything to avoid dealing with her weight issue even if it means us not having a child and her suffering all kinds of health problems as she heads towards middle age. She will quite happily sit behind the computer/tv all weekend without so much as stepping foot outside the door. House work is hard exercise and very tiring! Hmmm. But not for 3 days....... I could go on and on about all the different things we've tried (home exercise equipment, gym memberships, going for walks, weight watchers, calorie counting etc) but it would on ly make this post much longer. Does anyone have any insight or experience with this kind of thing? Also, what hasn't helped is that in the last few months she's been really down about other people having babies - friends, family, work colleagues. It only serves to highlight the fact that she has not been able to and makes her feel under more pressure to 'produce' for me, my mum, her mum etc She feels like a total failure and I have tried many times to explain that isn't the case at all, and that no one will judge her otherwise. She's constantly expecting me to walk out, even though I keep saying that will never happen. One problem is that I'm much younger, very tall and lots of girls flirt with me. She has zero confidence. We're married and I've never had any intention of changing that but since day 1 she has been convinced I'll leave her. Even in the first few weeks of dating. She is also convinced all my family hate her (they don't). After 6 years and hearing this regularly, I'm a bit stumped. Maybe eventually her total lack of confidence will drive me away, but I h ope not. She just can't seem to get past this chronic confidence issue so she can press on with losing weight, sorting her health issues out and perhaps get this treatment so we have a better chance of having a child. Time is running out and she knows this, but still can't empower herself enough to deal with her problems - or challenges, as I like to phrase it. If I so much as mention exercise, dieting or weight loss, its instantly seen as a personal attack, so I can't say anything at all any more. Even then, when I say nothing I'm accused of 'creating an atmosphere'. I just can't help the way I feel, and its hard to keep quiet when so much is at stake. Beyond all of this, I don't want her suffering with all the usual ailments that tend afflict obese people more - diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, cancer, stroke etc. I guess its clear that her confidence is holding her back, but what can I do? She doesn't believe most of what I say anyway. Any advice appreciated. Thanks! | |||
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