I wish there was magic dust to make everything make sense...or a crystal ball to show if anything will change, but I know that is not possible. So here I am, trying to talk my way through all the crazy mess of my life.
For a long time now, more than 4 years, closer to 5 I have had this thought in my head that if things didn't change that I was going to have to make the hardest decision of my life. To say or to go- and here I sit all this time later and nothing has changed, no matter how many times I have tried to make it be different.
I know everyone says to talk and try MC before doing anything, and for some that might be easy to do, but what do you do when you can even talk to your spouse about the problems that you have because they don't see anything wrong?
Everything has built up over the years and I have let it. I have never stood up for myself and never spoke out about what I wanted, I let him walk over me so to speak. From the time we got married 16 years ago I have been so scared that he would leave me that I never spoke up when I wasn't happy and I just tucked my tale and did exactly what he wanted done. If he didn't want me to do something then I didn't do it, if he wanted something done and I didn't want to well then I did it anyway because I didn't want to upset him.
I stopped seeing friends and having a social life, because he didn't like my friends and didn't want to be around them, and if I tried then I was questioned about why I was gone so long and what we were doing and the whole time I was gone it was a constant phone attack of when I was coming back...and that still happens now..
I have started to stand up for myself in a lot of way, like tonight I decided last night that I would go out with friends when I got off for new years, he gave me the pouty attitude about him not being able to go out and basically trying to make me feel bad about it, yet he forgets about the new years eve that I worked, he partied and go drunk and passed out in a hotel room and I had to go drag his drunk butt home when I got off at 7am after working a 12 hour shift. so..im going and will let the chips fall where they may.
I want to talk to him about the problems that we are having but I cant talk to him, he doesn't see that anything is wrong, when I try and tell him he tell me that I am crazy or just being over emotional. How do you talk to someone like that? How do you tell them that things need to change because you are not happy?
I feel like I am checking out so to speak, when I am at home I clean to stay away from him, and even if I am not I still find a reason to be in another room.
Our bedroom life has been rocky for a while, because all he cared/cares about it getting what he wants and then its over..foreplay whats that? But for the past few months I stopped even trying, I sleep as far on my side of the bed as I can, and sleep in clothes...pajama pants and a tshirt....I don't want him to touch me.
I will tell him I love him, if he says it first, which isn't often and its not a lie because even being unhappy I do still feel that I love him still, I am just not happy at all.
We have very little conversation and when we do he starts it and its about his work or football.
What I don't understand is how he can not see that things are not right. How can he be ok with me being so withdrawn and unhappy. How can he care so little as to want to know what is going on with me?
I really do feel like this is the end, that things are not going to get better only continue to get worse and I will only continue to be more and more unhappy.
I guess at this point all that is left is to make an appointment with him for us to talk and see what happens.
....im open for suggestions...and im open to questions if you need something else in order to make a suggestion
For a long time now, more than 4 years, closer to 5 I have had this thought in my head that if things didn't change that I was going to have to make the hardest decision of my life. To say or to go- and here I sit all this time later and nothing has changed, no matter how many times I have tried to make it be different.
I know everyone says to talk and try MC before doing anything, and for some that might be easy to do, but what do you do when you can even talk to your spouse about the problems that you have because they don't see anything wrong?
Everything has built up over the years and I have let it. I have never stood up for myself and never spoke out about what I wanted, I let him walk over me so to speak. From the time we got married 16 years ago I have been so scared that he would leave me that I never spoke up when I wasn't happy and I just tucked my tale and did exactly what he wanted done. If he didn't want me to do something then I didn't do it, if he wanted something done and I didn't want to well then I did it anyway because I didn't want to upset him.
I stopped seeing friends and having a social life, because he didn't like my friends and didn't want to be around them, and if I tried then I was questioned about why I was gone so long and what we were doing and the whole time I was gone it was a constant phone attack of when I was coming back...and that still happens now..
I have started to stand up for myself in a lot of way, like tonight I decided last night that I would go out with friends when I got off for new years, he gave me the pouty attitude about him not being able to go out and basically trying to make me feel bad about it, yet he forgets about the new years eve that I worked, he partied and go drunk and passed out in a hotel room and I had to go drag his drunk butt home when I got off at 7am after working a 12 hour shift. so..im going and will let the chips fall where they may.
I want to talk to him about the problems that we are having but I cant talk to him, he doesn't see that anything is wrong, when I try and tell him he tell me that I am crazy or just being over emotional. How do you talk to someone like that? How do you tell them that things need to change because you are not happy?
I feel like I am checking out so to speak, when I am at home I clean to stay away from him, and even if I am not I still find a reason to be in another room.
Our bedroom life has been rocky for a while, because all he cared/cares about it getting what he wants and then its over..foreplay whats that? But for the past few months I stopped even trying, I sleep as far on my side of the bed as I can, and sleep in clothes...pajama pants and a tshirt....I don't want him to touch me.
I will tell him I love him, if he says it first, which isn't often and its not a lie because even being unhappy I do still feel that I love him still, I am just not happy at all.
We have very little conversation and when we do he starts it and its about his work or football.
What I don't understand is how he can not see that things are not right. How can he be ok with me being so withdrawn and unhappy. How can he care so little as to want to know what is going on with me?
I really do feel like this is the end, that things are not going to get better only continue to get worse and I will only continue to be more and more unhappy.
I guess at this point all that is left is to make an appointment with him for us to talk and see what happens.
....im open for suggestions...and im open to questions if you need something else in order to make a suggestion
Put the internet to work for you.
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