Hello,
I have posted before about my husband and I having a not-so-great marriage. Basically, we got married because I was pregnant, and I later found out he was in love with someone else at the time. I spent the better part of two years angry and depressed and constantly feeling like I couldn't bring it up because I should just get over it and move on. Finally I did just that. I let it go and focused on making myself happy where I was. That included making friends, exercising, finding a job, etc. He got more and more unhappy and withdrew into himself. We've spent years cohabitating with no real connection. Finally I got a full time job, my own vehicle (that was a fight), and the nerve to stand up to him. I told him I couldn't deal with the angry, bitter man anymore. That I couldn't continue to do all the cooking and cleaning. That I wanted to actually be happy in my life and his negativity was dragging me down and hurting our child (who had become afraid of him). We have long disa greed over finances, religion, parenting, etc.
So, after our talk, my husband became a different man. He is cheery, he has started learning to cook (he loves it), he went holiday shopping with me with no complaints about crowds or spending money. He has started wanting to eat lunch with me at work, and he doesn't roll his eyes at my choice of TV shows and books.
He has become pleasant to live with. But he still won't address some larger issues, like our differing views of religion. I have a hard time getting to talk to him about it.
And there are the years of unhappiness that I am starting to have to deal with. I got used to essentially being a single parent. To doing the shopping on my own. To retreating to my own corner of the house and being content to be ignored. It feels like he is trying just when I was ready to throw in the towel.
And now I don't know. I feel horrible saying "too little, too late", but I feel no connection to him. I enjoy being around him and it has been extremely pleasant to have an active member of the household sharing responsibilities. But I can't bring myself to be attracted to him. I can't see him as a "husband" anymore. I don't feel the love that I once had for him. It's just this hollowness.
I guess I can't really get into it all in one post. I know people do come back from this sort of disconnect, but I just don't know if I want to, and it feels extremely selfish to say so. Sometimes I look around and think I would be happier as a single mom making her own life than as the wife of someone who has to be reminded to love me and treat me well. And I know we are masters of our own happiness, but is there a point when what makes two people happy just can't be made to be compatible?
I have posted before about my husband and I having a not-so-great marriage. Basically, we got married because I was pregnant, and I later found out he was in love with someone else at the time. I spent the better part of two years angry and depressed and constantly feeling like I couldn't bring it up because I should just get over it and move on. Finally I did just that. I let it go and focused on making myself happy where I was. That included making friends, exercising, finding a job, etc. He got more and more unhappy and withdrew into himself. We've spent years cohabitating with no real connection. Finally I got a full time job, my own vehicle (that was a fight), and the nerve to stand up to him. I told him I couldn't deal with the angry, bitter man anymore. That I couldn't continue to do all the cooking and cleaning. That I wanted to actually be happy in my life and his negativity was dragging me down and hurting our child (who had become afraid of him). We have long disa greed over finances, religion, parenting, etc.
So, after our talk, my husband became a different man. He is cheery, he has started learning to cook (he loves it), he went holiday shopping with me with no complaints about crowds or spending money. He has started wanting to eat lunch with me at work, and he doesn't roll his eyes at my choice of TV shows and books.
He has become pleasant to live with. But he still won't address some larger issues, like our differing views of religion. I have a hard time getting to talk to him about it.
And there are the years of unhappiness that I am starting to have to deal with. I got used to essentially being a single parent. To doing the shopping on my own. To retreating to my own corner of the house and being content to be ignored. It feels like he is trying just when I was ready to throw in the towel.
And now I don't know. I feel horrible saying "too little, too late", but I feel no connection to him. I enjoy being around him and it has been extremely pleasant to have an active member of the household sharing responsibilities. But I can't bring myself to be attracted to him. I can't see him as a "husband" anymore. I don't feel the love that I once had for him. It's just this hollowness.
I guess I can't really get into it all in one post. I know people do come back from this sort of disconnect, but I just don't know if I want to, and it feels extremely selfish to say so. Sometimes I look around and think I would be happier as a single mom making her own life than as the wife of someone who has to be reminded to love me and treat me well. And I know we are masters of our own happiness, but is there a point when what makes two people happy just can't be made to be compatible?
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