Sorry if the story comes out way too long but I need to give the details in order for you guys to understand fully what happened.
First of all my girl and I are not married, but we are, or at least were, very serious about each other.
She and I met about two and a half years after I got divorced. I got married at the age of 25 but had been dating my ex-wife since I was 21. We were married for almost ten years. I am not here saying I was a perfect husband, because I made my mistakes. But cheating was never one of them. I was as devoted as I thought women wanted a man to be. I gave my wife a very confortable lifestyle, honeymoon in Paris and all. I am not bragging, just letting you guys know how far I went trying to make my wife the happiest woman I could. Marriage was a life goal for me, so I wanted it to last for life. But it didn't because after all these years together, my ex fell in love with a man she worked with and decided to leave me for him. She claims there was no cheating and that she wanted to end things with me before anything happend between them. I don't know if I buy that. But the fact alone that my marriage was coming to an end devasted me.
After the divorce was final I became a totally different man from the honorable guy I used to be. I drank a lot, was extremely depressed and had a rather big string of one-night-stands. I wanted to send a message to women, I guess. That from that moment on, there were nothing more to me other than only sex. I was never going to give my heart to one of them again.
The fact that I surrounded myself with very toxic women-hating new friends did not help. They got to my head and made me believe being a good person just was not worth it.
When I met my new girlfriend, she complete changed my mind about women. She made me believe again that IT IS worth being a good guy. That there are good women out there, they may be rare, but they do exist. She broke pretty much every single negative female stereotype those toxic friends taught me to believe in. And we were extremely happy together.
That's when the mess begun. One of the women I had a ONS with after the divorce, was sure she was going to be the one I was going to date seriously. When she found out she wasn't and that I was already dating someone else. She decided I was going to pay for not being with her. What she did was to ask a male friend of her to try and get my gf to cheat on me so I'd dump her. It did not work, because my sweet gf remained faithful to me.
That's when this woman realised that because my trust in women had been damaged by my ex-wife, my new gf did not have to cheat at all. As long as I believed she had, I was going to give in to the negative thoughts and fears of history repeating itself. The sad part is that it worked. She and this friend of hers make me believe my gf had tried to cheat on me. They came with a scenario where they said she had been alone with this guy, and tried to get him in bed.
They made me believe she was only pretending to be a nice girl, but deep down she was only wearing a mask, like my ex did.
I broke up with her immediately, without even giving the poor girl a chance to defend herself. And I was an a**h*** to her. I insulted her and humiliated her. I told her to get some stuff she had left at my house, but I arranged for her to do so on a day when I filled my house with family and friends to watch her getting kicked out (we did not love together, but spent a long time in each other's places). The worse thign I did was to go on a ONS spree and let her know I was doing it. I wanted to hurt her, and sadly I did.
Eventually the male friend who had help that crazy lady broke down with guilt after seeing my gf being treated so bad for something she had not done. And he told me the truth.
I have no idea what do to now. I feel like the most worthless and horrible human being of the planet. I feel as if life gave me a chance to start over and sent an amazing person my way, just to show me not all was lost because one marriage did not work. And that there was indeed validity in being a good guy. That just because one woman did not value what I did for her, it did not mean all women were the same.
My gf was so humble during this whole mess. Not even once did she look at me with anger or hatred for the way I was treating her. She was brave enough to enter my house even though it was full of people to watch her being humiliated.
I guess she was giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I was only behaving that way because someone lied to me, and that deep down I was as much as a victim was she was.
But I feel like for all the humility and great heart she has shown, a person's heart can only stand enough blows before it breaks completely. I feel that's what I did to her. She had bad heart breaks in the past and now I added to that.
How do I even begin to apologize for what I did? How do I ask for forgiviness after I showed her myself that she would never have mine?
I know a lot of people would say that those ONSs do not count as cheating since I had broken up with her. But I feel I cheated, because if on one hand I did not have to lie and deceive her to sleep with those girls, I did sleep with them and in doing so I broke her heart pretty bad.
I don't even know if I'm looking for an answer or advice, I just wanted to get this out of my chest. I feel like a mosnter for having done what I did. Do I even have the morals to ask for forgiveness?
Thank you.
First of all my girl and I are not married, but we are, or at least were, very serious about each other.
She and I met about two and a half years after I got divorced. I got married at the age of 25 but had been dating my ex-wife since I was 21. We were married for almost ten years. I am not here saying I was a perfect husband, because I made my mistakes. But cheating was never one of them. I was as devoted as I thought women wanted a man to be. I gave my wife a very confortable lifestyle, honeymoon in Paris and all. I am not bragging, just letting you guys know how far I went trying to make my wife the happiest woman I could. Marriage was a life goal for me, so I wanted it to last for life. But it didn't because after all these years together, my ex fell in love with a man she worked with and decided to leave me for him. She claims there was no cheating and that she wanted to end things with me before anything happend between them. I don't know if I buy that. But the fact alone that my marriage was coming to an end devasted me.
After the divorce was final I became a totally different man from the honorable guy I used to be. I drank a lot, was extremely depressed and had a rather big string of one-night-stands. I wanted to send a message to women, I guess. That from that moment on, there were nothing more to me other than only sex. I was never going to give my heart to one of them again.
The fact that I surrounded myself with very toxic women-hating new friends did not help. They got to my head and made me believe being a good person just was not worth it.
When I met my new girlfriend, she complete changed my mind about women. She made me believe again that IT IS worth being a good guy. That there are good women out there, they may be rare, but they do exist. She broke pretty much every single negative female stereotype those toxic friends taught me to believe in. And we were extremely happy together.
That's when the mess begun. One of the women I had a ONS with after the divorce, was sure she was going to be the one I was going to date seriously. When she found out she wasn't and that I was already dating someone else. She decided I was going to pay for not being with her. What she did was to ask a male friend of her to try and get my gf to cheat on me so I'd dump her. It did not work, because my sweet gf remained faithful to me.
That's when this woman realised that because my trust in women had been damaged by my ex-wife, my new gf did not have to cheat at all. As long as I believed she had, I was going to give in to the negative thoughts and fears of history repeating itself. The sad part is that it worked. She and this friend of hers make me believe my gf had tried to cheat on me. They came with a scenario where they said she had been alone with this guy, and tried to get him in bed.
They made me believe she was only pretending to be a nice girl, but deep down she was only wearing a mask, like my ex did.
I broke up with her immediately, without even giving the poor girl a chance to defend herself. And I was an a**h*** to her. I insulted her and humiliated her. I told her to get some stuff she had left at my house, but I arranged for her to do so on a day when I filled my house with family and friends to watch her getting kicked out (we did not love together, but spent a long time in each other's places). The worse thign I did was to go on a ONS spree and let her know I was doing it. I wanted to hurt her, and sadly I did.
Eventually the male friend who had help that crazy lady broke down with guilt after seeing my gf being treated so bad for something she had not done. And he told me the truth.
I have no idea what do to now. I feel like the most worthless and horrible human being of the planet. I feel as if life gave me a chance to start over and sent an amazing person my way, just to show me not all was lost because one marriage did not work. And that there was indeed validity in being a good guy. That just because one woman did not value what I did for her, it did not mean all women were the same.
My gf was so humble during this whole mess. Not even once did she look at me with anger or hatred for the way I was treating her. She was brave enough to enter my house even though it was full of people to watch her being humiliated.
I guess she was giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I was only behaving that way because someone lied to me, and that deep down I was as much as a victim was she was.
But I feel like for all the humility and great heart she has shown, a person's heart can only stand enough blows before it breaks completely. I feel that's what I did to her. She had bad heart breaks in the past and now I added to that.
How do I even begin to apologize for what I did? How do I ask for forgiviness after I showed her myself that she would never have mine?
I know a lot of people would say that those ONSs do not count as cheating since I had broken up with her. But I feel I cheated, because if on one hand I did not have to lie and deceive her to sleep with those girls, I did sleep with them and in doing so I broke her heart pretty bad.
I don't even know if I'm looking for an answer or advice, I just wanted to get this out of my chest. I feel like a mosnter for having done what I did. Do I even have the morals to ask for forgiveness?
Thank you.
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