So, back story. Me and my boyfriend got together when we were both 16, and we've been together now for 2 and a half years. We instantly got along, we became best friends very quickly and our relationship felt perfect almost all of the time. We never fought, only the occasional disagreement, and all our friends and family could see we were perfect for each other.
In September, I moved to uni, only around 10-15 minutes from my hometown. He didn't go to uni, instead continued his search for a better job whilst working part-time. We would see each other once a week every weekend. During the first month, instead of opening up about his feelings to me, he kept it all to himself, and pushed me away. When it all came out after around a month, he said how sorry he was and how he just got uncontrollably jealous that I'd made all these new friends so easily when he expected me to 'need him' more as I was initially worried about moving. At this time, I expressed how I was having difficulties wanting to stay in the relationship, but he said how he needs me, and how I'm the only good thing in his life. We worked through it and things got better for a week or two.
Quite quickly it became how it had been again. He was difficult and miserable and depressed, and because of this I relied on him less, had less desire to talk to him or see him - but we still saw each other once a week - and admittedly my eyes began to wander.
I no longer felt like I was 'in love' with him. I had no sexual desire for him, felt no spark, I no longer enjoyed his company like I once did. The last weekend I spent with him before I moved back home for the holidays was so bad I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I was so unhappy when I was with him, it had got to the point where I dreaded the weekend.
The other day I ended it. I couldn't bare to 'do Christmas' knowing how I felt. Although he agreed the relationship had deteriorated, he was shocked that I had ended it. We both cried a lot, and I explained myself. I felt horrible that I had taken away from him the most important thing in his life.
When I got home, I instantly started doubting my decision. All the good times we had rushed back into my head as if the last 3 months hadn't happened. I remembered all our little jokes and pet-names, and how much I loved him. I repeatedly told myself that I had made the right decision and this would pass as long as spent time away from him.
Today he turned up at my house. He said to my mum he didn't want to see me (as I had said to him we shouldn't see each other or talk for a good while) but he just wanted to give my mum a gift as she had comforted him when he was feeling down about us a few months ago (which I only found out the other day). But I felt like I had to talk to him now he was here.
He wants me back, obviously, and all my feelings that maybe it's worth another go just came flooding in. We cried and hugged and talked and kissed a little. I'm scared to give it another go because I'm so sure I'm going to have to break his heart all over again. Something is stopping me from saying 'Yes, we can give it another go.' but at the same time, something is stopping me from saying 'I'm sorry. It's really over.'
I have no idea if I'm just scared to be alone, or if I'm just idolizing all his positive qualities now I no longer have him, or if it actually is worth another shot. He's promised things will be different when I move back, but I don't believe I'm going to be putting in 100%.
I'm also in a terribly guilty situation as he booked a holiday for us early January as a present, but I don't think I could enjoy it no matter how lovely it is.
I don't know if I just feel bad for hurting him, or feel regret for ending something I genuinely wanted to keep.
I'd like to hear any stories from people who've gone through the same thing, and any advice.
In September, I moved to uni, only around 10-15 minutes from my hometown. He didn't go to uni, instead continued his search for a better job whilst working part-time. We would see each other once a week every weekend. During the first month, instead of opening up about his feelings to me, he kept it all to himself, and pushed me away. When it all came out after around a month, he said how sorry he was and how he just got uncontrollably jealous that I'd made all these new friends so easily when he expected me to 'need him' more as I was initially worried about moving. At this time, I expressed how I was having difficulties wanting to stay in the relationship, but he said how he needs me, and how I'm the only good thing in his life. We worked through it and things got better for a week or two.
Quite quickly it became how it had been again. He was difficult and miserable and depressed, and because of this I relied on him less, had less desire to talk to him or see him - but we still saw each other once a week - and admittedly my eyes began to wander.
I no longer felt like I was 'in love' with him. I had no sexual desire for him, felt no spark, I no longer enjoyed his company like I once did. The last weekend I spent with him before I moved back home for the holidays was so bad I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I was so unhappy when I was with him, it had got to the point where I dreaded the weekend.
The other day I ended it. I couldn't bare to 'do Christmas' knowing how I felt. Although he agreed the relationship had deteriorated, he was shocked that I had ended it. We both cried a lot, and I explained myself. I felt horrible that I had taken away from him the most important thing in his life.
When I got home, I instantly started doubting my decision. All the good times we had rushed back into my head as if the last 3 months hadn't happened. I remembered all our little jokes and pet-names, and how much I loved him. I repeatedly told myself that I had made the right decision and this would pass as long as spent time away from him.
Today he turned up at my house. He said to my mum he didn't want to see me (as I had said to him we shouldn't see each other or talk for a good while) but he just wanted to give my mum a gift as she had comforted him when he was feeling down about us a few months ago (which I only found out the other day). But I felt like I had to talk to him now he was here.
He wants me back, obviously, and all my feelings that maybe it's worth another go just came flooding in. We cried and hugged and talked and kissed a little. I'm scared to give it another go because I'm so sure I'm going to have to break his heart all over again. Something is stopping me from saying 'Yes, we can give it another go.' but at the same time, something is stopping me from saying 'I'm sorry. It's really over.'
I have no idea if I'm just scared to be alone, or if I'm just idolizing all his positive qualities now I no longer have him, or if it actually is worth another shot. He's promised things will be different when I move back, but I don't believe I'm going to be putting in 100%.
I'm also in a terribly guilty situation as he booked a holiday for us early January as a present, but I don't think I could enjoy it no matter how lovely it is.
I don't know if I just feel bad for hurting him, or feel regret for ending something I genuinely wanted to keep.
I'd like to hear any stories from people who've gone through the same thing, and any advice.
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