Long story short. 19 year marriage, declared separation with H. but was still living at home (last year December). April 2013 I started a clandestine relationship with P. (Very, very intense (on his part) I went along with it due to strong feelings of actually being cared for admired and loved by him (feelings missing for a long time in my toxic marriage). Things get strained at home, my H. pressed me for info, and I confessed I liked someone else, although gave very few details for many many reasons. He made one big attempt to work things out with me and give our marriage a try, at least for one more year, until our son graduates. I was torn. Bad history with H due to many attempts at reconciliation before, and a new loyalty formed to P. I chose P. (still a secret though) and in September I moved out, with assurances and promises form P. that he would remain my night and shining armour. The reality of a new separation brought many new stressors and I was holding back on having P. in my life, at least out in the open (I wanted to keep this a secret as I knew my son would likely not talk to me if he found out I left his dad for someone else). During the "clandestine courtship" with P. I was aware of MANY red flags, and as I addressed each one, he assured me he was legit. Never caught him in a lie, and certain behaviours that bothered me (such as his open flirting with other women) did stop, so I thought he was noble. BTW, as I write this I feel like a total fool. Started to notice that P. isn't always true to his word, flakes out on me a lot, and gets angry when I try to set up boundaries. This has reignited many of the same issues I had with my H. I realize I am contributing to the issues as I bring my old way of doing things into this relationship, however, I wonder if I have attracted the same type of guy and will re-live the same issues over and over. He has many qualities I do like but also has flaws such as not working consistently, smoking (which he said he would stop), and being pretty lazy (I am an athlete, lol). Oh and he drinks, quite a lot, although never around me. So, I have broken up with him out of frustration twice within past 6 weeks. He is not as nice as he came across all those months, but I also know I am quick to react and I can say some nasty things when I feel hurt/rejected. 6 weeks ago, coincidentally, I also tod him I wanted to slow down the relationship, needed time to focus on my son, sort out my life (in truth, I was seeing his flaws big time). He felt rejected and our problems pretty much started. So, now, I have begged his forgiveness, we are talking again, although I no longer know what our relationship status is (he unfriended me on FB) and he is vague as to our future. He says let's take baby steps (sensible) and we both have things to work on (also sensible). I am doing a lot of soul searching and am wondering is this even worth it. All input appreciated. Thanks
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