In another thread this afternoon I responded to a user who said that TSR is too obsessed with sex. After a few exchanges I posted the following (which I've here corrected some grammatical errors):
"You can't possibly be that naive. Since you complained that everyone talks about sex too much, you must have asked yourself why. If it really was nothing special, they wouldn't talk about it. I genuinely don't understand asexuality and feel sad for people who cannot enjoy sex - for me it is one of the most important pleasures of being alive and one of the most exciting and passionate things you can do with a partner. Clearly if it was just a procreative act people wouldn't be so obsessed with it. Since they are, you can be reasonably confident that they're not being tricked into talking about it all the time!"
The reaction this provoked was hostile (which I then made worse by being tiresomely smug) and if I've genuinely said something out of line then I will apologise. But my instinct is that I haven't. For me asexuality is akin to someone who takes no pleasure from eating fine food, or enjoying a drink, or liking fine art etc. etc. Now admittedly, I was a bit patronising but should the majority be more sensitive to asexuality? After all, I wouldn't dream of saying that I feel sorry for gay people (not least because I'm bi).
But actually in many ways I do: gay couples experience prejudice, social and legislative, and I don't feel they deserve that. But fundamentally I am sorry because of how other people respond to them, but not because I feel that their sexual preference is somehow limiting. Whereas, bigoted or not, I do feel it is sad that asexuals don't get pleasure from something as life-enhancing as sex.
I'd be interested to hear other people's views. I'm not meaning to insult anyone, just understand the issues and people's thoughts better. Nor am I too proud to admit I've made a mistake and I'll try and keep an open mind.
If consensus is that I'm an idiot, I'll gladly apologise.
"You can't possibly be that naive. Since you complained that everyone talks about sex too much, you must have asked yourself why. If it really was nothing special, they wouldn't talk about it. I genuinely don't understand asexuality and feel sad for people who cannot enjoy sex - for me it is one of the most important pleasures of being alive and one of the most exciting and passionate things you can do with a partner. Clearly if it was just a procreative act people wouldn't be so obsessed with it. Since they are, you can be reasonably confident that they're not being tricked into talking about it all the time!"
The reaction this provoked was hostile (which I then made worse by being tiresomely smug) and if I've genuinely said something out of line then I will apologise. But my instinct is that I haven't. For me asexuality is akin to someone who takes no pleasure from eating fine food, or enjoying a drink, or liking fine art etc. etc. Now admittedly, I was a bit patronising but should the majority be more sensitive to asexuality? After all, I wouldn't dream of saying that I feel sorry for gay people (not least because I'm bi).
But actually in many ways I do: gay couples experience prejudice, social and legislative, and I don't feel they deserve that. But fundamentally I am sorry because of how other people respond to them, but not because I feel that their sexual preference is somehow limiting. Whereas, bigoted or not, I do feel it is sad that asexuals don't get pleasure from something as life-enhancing as sex.
I'd be interested to hear other people's views. I'm not meaning to insult anyone, just understand the issues and people's thoughts better. Nor am I too proud to admit I've made a mistake and I'll try and keep an open mind.
If consensus is that I'm an idiot, I'll gladly apologise.
Put the internet to work for you.
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