Started with a 4some...

First some background info (Please dont judge) then I need some help. I'm 24 and I have been married for 5 years (Young I know but I'm rather mature for my age... I think) My wife is 25 and I served some time in the military. Our early marriage was plagued with what I realize now where communication problems abound and general foolishness expected out of marriages brought about by children (Yes yes, I know it seems bad but...) We got through it and I discovered I actually love her. We are good together and while not perfect we are growing together and I'm only recently begining to appreciate that. Our earlier problems are all but gone and slowly but surely we seem to be figuring things out. Sounds good right? Heres how I think I screwed myself. I talk to her about what i like sexually and she listens and tries to match me. Apparetly I mentioned her friend (Jokingly at first but...) and my wife seemed into the idea. Well before anything can get off the ground my best friend gets back to our hometown and hooks up with my wife's friend. They begin seeing each other often and one day we find ourselves all in one room. There was alcohol involved but I guess I did the most drinking. I went to the bathroom and was greeted by my wife's friend half naked and my buddy nailing my wife. Not something planned but if it was gonna happen it was gonna be with this guy. We were basically joined at the hip and I couldn't bring myself to be mad at either of them so I took the hint and joined in. Hell for all I know I probably suggested the whole thing before I went to the bathroom. Anywyas the next day I remember it happening but its mostly a blur but everyone else involved was exclaiming how great the whole thing was. Not remembering much but my buddy on my wife or really how the whole thing started is eating at me big time. My wife seemed to enjoy herself and that hurts almost as much and I'm not sure why. I never considered myself jealous or petty and this seems like something I would be into especially since my wife confirmed I did suggest it but..... Why does it hurt so much right now?

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