Is it over at age 55?

Both of us are 55, married 12 yrs. No spark left. I met my husband when I moved to another state for work. We worked together and I was smitten with his sense of humor and work ethic. Even before marriage, at home, he complained about work in every way, but still went in and did a good job. He seemed to get spoiled with his time away from work for carpal tunnel surgery and for the next three years took long periods of time off by calling out sick when he was not sick. It didn't take long for his work to catch on and "black list" him. In the end, my husband was fired from his 13 yr career. His mother passed away around the same time and it was too much for him. He did not try to get a job and we needed a change, so relocated back to my home state near my family and I could transfer in my job. He liked the idea of a fresh start and change of scenery. A coworker warned me before I married him that he just wanted a secretary and someone to carry the load. I thought it was odd because the person was a supervisor and seemed to have a good relationship with my husband. I brushed it off that maybe they had a disagreement. As it turned out, I have had 12 yrs of doing literally everything from finances, housework, errands, and making appointments - even having to drive him to them to make sure he keeps them. Within the first year, the little voice in my head told me the coworker was right. From the first night we slept together, he complained about everything - too hot, too cold, headache, work stressing him out. We have never been physical. Not even once. We have slept in separate bedrooms for the last 4 years. He has a very negative outlook and his cup is always half empty. I try to change the conversations, but can't bring optimism in his thinking. Five yrs ago, he got a part time job and brings in about $1000 per month. I have to maintain a career to keep the health insurance, but just lost my job due to layoff and lost benefits but have unemployment for now. I feel like now that I have nothing to offer, he is totally ignoring me and it seems he is trying to get me to instigate ending the marriage. I am the responsible type and worry about sending him on his way. His only family is 2000 miles away and he would have to quit his job and go back to his home state. I know he is homesick for his sons, grandchildren, and his siblings. He has mentioned many times if he had a windfall, he would move back. We have the means to pay for the trip back only, but no extra. I don't know if we should just try to keep living as roommates at this age. I have sacrificed enough and won't invest any more of my life in moving across country with him. My problem is the guilt of forcing him to start over. But the situation is unbearable. This is not what I call living. I have tried to get him to go do things we used to enjoy like hiking or gardening and when we get home, he's back to sleep, tv, eat. That is all he does and will not talk unless it's to complain about something I did or how the world is no good. I know he's depressed, but he has been for 12 yrs and I have toughed it out long enough. I feel like he is with me only to provide a roof and meals. Is it feasible to start over at 55? I hate to "dump" him on his siblings. I'm not worried about taking care of myself. Please give me thoughts if it's worth trying. I am the type to take care of everyone before myself so have contributed my share of enabling. But... that may be what attracted him to me.:scratchhead:

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