| This is my first post so I'll give a little background. I've been married for almost 6 years, we've been together for 7. Happy for some of those year but mostly we were busy, distracted people. We got together because it seemed like we had so much in common, including the long-time thought that neither of us would ever get married. We've always had communication issues, miscommunication, explosive arguments or plain avoidance since we knew where it would lead. The past 4 years or so we hardly argued at all, because we rarely discussed anything of importance. We enjoyed our time together, took trips, and did our own thing. We grew apart emotionally and physically. We have our separate friends, interests, bedrooms. We work opposite of each other and have no kids, just dogs. I liked it that way until I realized that now, down the line, the slightest deviation from the space I'm so used to feels like an all-out attack or invasion. We share a large house together and still do fun things at times but mostly we are much like roommates. I'm ready to move on. There is no affairs on either side, (I know he's faithful even though I told him that he can do what he needs long ago). It's been over a year since we had sex. There is just not much there in terms of intimacy. I feel like the kiss when he leaves or when I get home is just going through the motions, as was our last few times having sex. Pity sex is what he called it. And i feel emotionless toward him, besides caring about his health and well-being. I want him to be happy as I do for myself. I don't think we can be happy together. So last night we talked for the first time in years, really talked. It boiled down to him knowing and feeling the sale way I did, except he's not ready to 'leave the house.' He wants to try to save this. I don't think there's anything to save besides our friendship. I did tell him I would try MC, but honestly, I don't think it will work. I want to move through this divorce as painlessly as possible when we are still on good terms. Today thing seemed like we never talked. I started looking at my bills to see where I would stand as a single person. Thinking about separating accounts...He bought something for the house (that he is leaving, or we both are leaving). He talked about doing something fun later this year, I looked at him quizzically. We played video games as we always do on weekends, but My mind was elsewhere. I filled out a request for a MC through my job, and looked up divorce laws online. Clearly, I'm more ready to move forward than he is, he recognized that last night. I told him I've been mentally processing that for months and especially the last few weeks. I told him I would give time to process it all. I want to talk to him about my keeping the house and how he doesn't want to leave it. I'm willing to walk away if he'd rather both of us leave, but he can't afford it on his own, and I probably can, at least until the market picks up in a year or two. It's in both of our names and I don't have cash to buy him out but I could offset some of our debts with it, possibly. So after all of that, here is my question. How should I approach the subject in the future, near future? I don't want to fall into the same rut by not bringing it up again. I also don't want to throw it in his face ever day. I want him to start making plans, building some savings. Think about where he'll go and what he will do. But I don't to come off as a b$#&! I'm definitely more stoic and I'm sure I seem okay with the whole horrible thing, but that's just my nature. I want to get down to business. How can I be delicate about this. PLEASE HELP! | |||
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