Living with Depressed Spouse

Hello, I've been reading here for several months and would like to get some outside advice. I have been married for 18 years to my husband and we have four kids. I will start off by saying that our marriage has never been awesome and has always been very hard work. While there are numerous issues, I am having an increasingly difficult time dealing with the constant state of depression that my husband is in. He has been treated off and on with antidepressants and have never really seen any improvements. He has a multitude of other medical/pain issues that contribute to his mood as well. I just feel completely and totally tapped out in being able to be a supportive, empathetic wife. I am honestly feeling pretty resentful of how his moods affect the entire household. The tension and sadness is almost palpable everyday when he walks in the door from work. He is not interested in getting professional help for the depression as he believes that the depression stems from our poor relationship and my lack of support and love towards him. I will own that I tend to retreat when I see him angry/sad. I don't have much interest in being around him because he is so difficult to be around due to either sadness or anger. I realize depression is an illness, but how do live with this? I feel like I am now getting depressed and can't imagine living this way for the rest of our lives. I need to know if I am being a cold heartless person or if it is valid that I am considering separation because of these issues. Thanks for reading...

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