| Only anon because he has a nasty habit of following the posts on my account and it would cause a heck of a lot of trouble if he saw this! We got together back in 2009, I was a student and he was unemployed but doing some voluntary work. I was living in halls, and could only see him once a week, so to be honest his lifestyle didn't really impact on me that much. In 2010 we moved in together briefly for financial reasons. I was in my second year of uni and commuting a long way, so I was getting up at 6 in the morning and not getting home again until 8 at night. When I got back, he'd be slobbing around, won't have done anything around the flat (meaning I'd have to do it all at the weekends) and the only times he ever really did anything were on the days he was volunteering, which wasn't much. 2011 he quit his voluntary job to "pursue work", which I was happy about, because I was starting to realise that after uni this lifestyle wasn't going to suit. Fast forward to 2013. I graduated in July 2012 and immediately entered full time work. I'm trying to save up for a flat at the moment, so am saving every penny, doing all the work I possibly can, and therefore am quite stressed most of the time. He, on the other hand, has still never had a paid job (he's 29 now) and is acting as though we've only just got together. The only thing he wants to do when we see each other is kiss, cuddle and watch television- which is great, but after four years together I had hoped that we'd have moved on a bit from that. My life consists of working 9-5 Monday-Friday and having to get my housework/shopping other tasks etc done at weekends, whereas his consists of doing nothing all week, and living in a flat that's a total state. When I go round to his, he won't wash any dishes until there are none left in the cupboard, and when there are none left it can sometimes take until 9/10pm until he thinks to wash them- because for goodness knows what reason he expects me to do it while I'm there. When he comes to mine, he'll come in the evening when I've finished work, will let me cook for him and wash/dry while he sits doing nothing, and then complains when I check my emails (I'm a freelancer so it's pretty important for me to be in touch with certain clients whenever they need me to be, or I miss out on work). After 4 years, and at the age of 29 & 22, I would have expected us to be able to get a car (I can afford one, but absolutely refuse to get one because I live in walking distance of everything I need, and it would end up me just giving him lifts anywhere with no money from him, so I'm not getting it until he can contribute) a flat (the ones near where I live are very cheap even though they're nice, and it wouldn't take much to have one) and perhaps even starting to think about a family. He's almost 30, has never had a paid job, and seems to act as though we're two kids starting a relationship. He claims to be looking for work. I know the job market is bad, but it's been four years now, so I'm kind of inclined to believe that he hasn't actually been looking all that hard. -- TL:DR.. Been with partner for 4 years, he's 29 and has never had a paid job, & it's getting me down because it's holding me back in life. We can't move in together because my income would affect his benefits, and I refuse to pay for everything. -- This is really getting me down, so I would appreciate some support/advice from people who have been in similar situations. We get on well when we're not arguing (I know that's a stupid thing to say haha but you know what I mean), I like his family, they like me, my family would like him if he had a job.. it's all perfect other than this one factor. But I desperately don't want to leave him.. but I'm getting to the point where I can't see many other options. | |||
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