| I need a little advice on how to get my head straight... a situation came up last week and it's sort of "sticking" with me. Background - husband and I had both been married before. We met on a diving trip and things progressed from there. We have a good relationship, although it had it's bumps in the beginning as we were both trying to figure out how to function in a healthy relationship after being in unhealthy relationships before. I can say now that we are both very happy and content, we communicate well and have relative peace in our lives. Last week I was getting car insurance quotes online and my H said he thought he may have a ticket on his record, he wasn't sure. So I did a google search of his name and "traffic violations". Well a couple of links to old dating profiles came up with the search. At first I was "WTF is this?!" and went and looked at one thinking it may be recent or something. It turned out to be an old one - looks like he hadn't been in it since about '08. But there was this one woman who was his "friend" on there and her picture REALLY got to me. She definitely had that "I want to be f'd" look on her face and was posing in her underwear - yes, this was her profile picture on this dating site. She lives in the next town over from us. She looks like a ****... but she's pretty. And I think that's what got to me... I know my H used to be a bit of a player after his divorce and I figured this was one of his conquests. Now, I'm not a bad looking woman. In fact I've been told I'm beautiful and I always catch men looking at me. But my self esteem is not the best and I tend to just sort of "blow off" when someone says how pretty I am because in my mind I'm thinking "yea right..." My H is always telling me how gorgeous and sexy I am, and I have learned to accept those compliments from him with a thank you instead of my standard blank stare. But something about this woman's photo really irked me, it tweaked those insecurities in me. So I let this fester for a couple of days and finally my H asked what was wrong with me because I seemed down. I told him (and sort of went off a little on him about the profile and told him to delete the darn thing - which he did), but I couldn't really describe how I was feeling mostly because of that woman's picture. So he just thought I was obsessing about his past and got mad at for it. And what made it worse was that when I showed him that picture he said "ah, ok - I didn't remember her name, but I remember the face" I haven't mentioned it since, but that picture is still bothering me. Not really sure why either. Maybe because I know he obviously found her "hot" and had sex with her. I just can't put my finger on it. I KNOW this is ancient past, before he met me, had nothing to do with me. But for some reason it's really bothering me. I have been in IC for my self esteem issues, I'm just not sure how to get past this sh*t in my head right now. :( | |||
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