| So, here's my story: We were both officers in the military on active duty in Germany in 2002. We dated for 10 months and had a whirlwind romance. We were in love. The army forced our hand when I got deployment orders to Kuwait and she was set to return to the States (we would've been apart for years if we didn't get married). I spoke to her dad, popped the question, and we got married in a courthouse with plans to tell her parents. We were both 23. Anyways, things went well. We had a daughter in 2006 and we both got off active duty and moved to where I grew up. I had a job waiting for me and she was going to get a part time job and stay home with our daughter. I got her pregnant again in 2007 with my son. After he came things went bad. I didn't really help out around the house as much as I should have, drank too much, and gained weight. Anyways, we were both in the National Guard and she went back to work full time in 2009. Things in our marriage were lukewarm at best and she's confided that she thought about leaving me several times during this period. We tried marriage counseling in late 2010, early 2011. I deployed to Afghanistan from May 2011 to May 2012. Things seemed normal to me until R&R in December, which was crazy, due to my mild PTSD and her coldness. After I went back she was distant and seemed cold to me. When I got back, I recommitted myself to our marriage and helped out as much as I could around the house and with the kids. Things were bad tho, and I didn't understand it. Fast forward to March 2013. I find evidence of a fling from texts on her phone. An ex-boyfriend before me from Germany. She initially claims EA only, but it doesn't add up and eventually in mid-April I confront her about. She admits they met up for sex twice. He lives far away and the story seems believable. Whats disturbing to me is that she refuses to share phone records and email accounts with me at this point. The FBI would call that a clue. I also told her about a one night stand I had previously at this time. Mothers Day, May 12, 2013. She goes for a run, I look through her phone and find an email showing she had another affair with her personal trainer. I also find her phone record password. I confront her about the trainer and she admits to having sex with him 4 times. I check the phone records. I find that she has been talking to someone who works for her 2 hours a day for the last year and a half, always at times when I'm not around. She admits to the affair. Says that is the big one, every other one was a sideshow. She said she loves him. She eventually confessed to another fling in 2009 and I told her about all 6 of my one night stands between 2005 and 2013. Anyways, she keeps trying to secretly contact him via secret emails, skype, google voice. I catch her with a key logger and just keeping track of internet history and instinct. I confront the OM and threaten to bring all the evidence i have (on a secret email) to his wife. I also threaten ruin his military retirement. They have their closure lunch (which i had a friend videotape at a distance). Anyways, after 7 times where she tried to contact him post affair, its been cut off for the last 2 weeks. However, its not over, after digging it out of her, I found out she never was attracted to me physically (though she loved me). I also found out she tried to do anal with him (unsuccessfully), something she'd never try with me. Also she sent him sexual photos all the time and he sent them back. She never had interest in doing that with me, she claims because of the lack of attraction. She is trying now, albeit for the kids. But the bombshell about the attraction thing is really blowing me away. Not to put a racial component into this, but she has a thing for black guys and we're both white. Its not about size, its just an acstetic thing I think. She went out of her way to give me a great father's day and birthday. And has really been patient since cutting it off with OM. She seems like she's coming back to her old self. My question is, she had an emotional and physical connection with OM and all she's ever had with me is emotional. We've had a lot of sex, but it was never out of attraction, always the emotional connection. Basically, at this point she's seen what things could be, and I've seen what things can't be. Can we get past this an reconcile? My instinct is to run now and boost my ego with beautiful women who are physically attracted to me, but I love my children and don't want to selfishly split up our family if there is hope for reconciling. | |||
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