Trying to reconcile / It's a long road

10 years ago I cheated on my wife with a woman I worked with. 7 years later, she found out about it as the mistress and I were chatting online. Mistress and I had been separated geographically for 5 years because we moved cross country. Poop hit the fan, dramatic month ...she emailed the mistress to never contact again...and we didn't. The past three years I've tried doing everything I thought I could to reconcile. We're honestly doing quite well except intimacy. Intimacy has all but ceased on a sexual level. She loves the massages I've always given, or other sweet things. She kisses me everytime I leave for work etc, and truly loves me...but intimacy is gone. I'm angry because I've always felt that relationships are a two way street, and she was progressively becoming more of a taker as the years went by (Currently 20 years together) I'm angry because I spoil her and don't get the same treatment back. I'm angry because I feel like I work hard physically and I work hard on all those sweet things a man should do for his woman, and I take the time to listen and talk to her....yet it's always been this way....she takes, I give... The mistress gave....and I gave back. I'm regretful, but want to fix what caused it to begin with. Wife hates the idea of counseling and books, and plans...refuses all methods of trying to improve our life. To that I scratch my head to all the people who outright refused what their mate is begging from them....Why would someone refuse to take care of their mate and then be surprised when their spouse cheats? 20 Years...is that worth disposing of? How do I get back what I've destroyed and fix the problem that I used as an "excuse" to begin with? Any and all thoughts would be great.

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