How to deal with wife who has had bad men in her life

I will try and cliff notes this whole deal. Quick background: Wife has always been very independent (so am I), she has made it clear over the years (16) that she needs no man. Both verbally and by her actions, under the breath comments. I always thought it was a bit extreme, but does bother me that my spouse uses this type stance. Always felt like the slightest thing and she would instantly say "divorce" kind of like a threat or something. Almost like a way to keep me in line. Update: We have recently been in consuling. Mainly to help prevent issues or maintain our relationship, and for her life stresses with her family. I kind of jumped in, as I wanted to fix our lack of communication which has been an issue from day one. She had seen the lady a few times before I entered, and I saw her once by myself also. The therapist mentioned "her tramatic experiences" with men during our last session. I am like, what?? Find out she was attacked by a older male friend when she was 18, then another boyfriend also hit her. I was never told this in our 18 years together. She was never raped, but did have to fight to get away. I was kind of speechless or shocked. Dont really know how to handle this. It does explain the "I don't need men" attitude. But, I mentioned I am not them and don't want to be lumped into that category. I feel almost lied to, or deceived all these years. I thought I married one thing, yet find out its another years down the road. I am still processing this, and having doubts on if I am valid in my feelings or need to simply accept this. So, How do I deal with this? I dont feel like I should be the blunt of all this resentment towards men. I too deserve to feel like I am important to my spouse, should I just accept this? Any genuine thoughts appreciated.

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