| Hi Guys, I'm truly at my wits end. My husband says i've ruined his life, and married him on a lie, and we've only been married less than a year! Background: Met my husband 9 years ago when i was 19, fell madly in love with him, moved countries to be with him, all was great for a few years. Then things started getting bad and him not treating me great as i 'annoyed him', i think this was a lot based on the fact that after i first met him briefly at a party, but before we even went on a single date or had a single kiss, i had a one night stand with an ex. Stupid thing i know, i regretted it ever since. ANyway, i told him this after we eventually got together and he was not happy. At all. It completely changed his view on me. Anyway we struggled on in a poor state for while, with him being extremely angry at me for no reason, calling me names, blanking me in public etc, flirting emailing and texting other girls, and that was after i moved countries to be with him! Anyway it got to the point where things were unbearable so i had to finish it, which he agreed to. It was a bitter enough ending, i hated him so much for not l ooking after me, and we had a very clean break, bar the odd text etc, i moved out and into a friends a few miles away. Anyway, about 7 weeks after our break-up, me still living in his country, i was devastated, and went out one night and got really drunk and ended up in bed with some guy i had only met. It was a horrible experience and i've regretted it ever since. I totally put it out of my head and never wanted to think about it again, to me it didn't happen, i told no-one. Shortly after that i moved back to my own country as living there was too tough with my ex nearby. When i moved home, he got back in contact, saying he didn't think i was going to leave the country etc. Anyway he said he wanted to give it a another go so i visited a few weekends to him, but nothing had changed,he was still quite ignorant to me, and i felt that he wasn't really interested. So again it ended, this was just before Xmas. I just thought, that is it, i never want to see that guy ever again in my life. He hurt me so much, i was so angry, i had devoted myself to him and he never treated me properly. So i went through Xmas pretty down, going out drinking etc, then on new years eve ended up at a house party full drunk and again did the stupid thing of ending up in bed with some guy my ex absolute ly hates. I was so stupid, i felt so bad about it, i stopped it midway through because i was so upset, and very drunk. Anyway, i never told my ex any of this, as we had absolutely no contact for months and months, nothing whatsover, de-friended on facebook, numbers deleted, living in different countries etc. just getting on with our own lives. Anyway, the following august i was at a wedding my ex was at, and he asked to go for a drink with me on our own, he poured out how much of a fool he had been and how much he missed me, and wanted to give it another go. I said id think about it, and a few weeks later we started commuting countries to see each again, by the following January i had moved back to be with him in his country, and by the July we were engaged, getting married 1 year later. We never spoke really about people we were with when we were apart, i never asked him because i didn't want to know. He did ask me if i had kissed the guy he hated, i said yes but nothing else. So yes,i lied to him, i don't know why, i just didn't want to upset him. I so wish now i had told him the truth. Anyway, about 7months my now husband confronts me about these 2 one night stands, as he found msgs on my facebook which sounded like something had happend, basically them saying they had a good time, would like to see me again, and me saying 'what happened was terrible mistake, i'm very embarrassed over it, still really cut up about my ex etc, it shouldn't have happened'. These were msgs from years ago that i simply forgot to delete. I had put those events out of my head so much i never thought about it. Now my husband is raging, he says i married him under a lie, that of course i would have been thinking about those events the whole time (which i wasn't, i wish i was now!) that i lied to him to get him to marry me, that i'm a **** and a slag and he'll never trust me again. Its at the stage now were we are in very serious decisions about separating. I'm an absolutely destroyed by this, the hardest thing to deal with is seeing how much i have hurt him. I wish i had of told him before we got married but i genuinely didn't think about it, to me it never happened, it was in the past, we were both so very happy together. It scares me how much i deleted it from my mind. My husband wants to know every single detail of what happens on those notes and is furious that i can't remember everything,he says that this is another lie, i can remember, but i can't remember everything, i was drunk, it was nearly 4 years,i can't remember things like who took off what first etc. I'm absolutely at my wits end. I've not even been married a year and it's been the worst time of both of our lives, i feel so guilty for all the damage i have done, i wish and wish and wish i had thought to tell or hadn't lied to him. I love him so very much, but can't understand how he is not willing to let it go and move on, he wants to go over it every single day. We no longer sleep in the same bed, our sex life is non-existant. I'm a wreck, he's a wreck. We're heading for separation and i can't live with my self. Help! | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment