| hello, I've been in a relationship with a 46 year old woman for 6 months who I'll call A. She's been divorced for 9 years, 2 kids in their early teens. Her ex husband introduced us & I'm still good friends with him as she is. Very successful lady with two businesses built from scratch. My problem is she has a close circle of friends of various ages, all of whom have been divorced & are single except for one who recently remarried. This circle is 4 women & 1 male who this lady had a brief fling with just before her & I got together. I get on famously(believe it or not )with all of them but I didn't know them until I got together with A. They all meet at her place for dinner & drinks usually twice a week & basically their social life revolves around each other. Just recently, A's birthday was due & I had organised dinner & entertainment. Her friends however, booked an apartment for a weekend, 4 hours drive away & said to her "this is the plan". A said to me "this is my birthday & my friends have planned & paid for it so I'm going along with them & you're invited". My common sense tells me that if A's friends had any respect for me & the relationship I have with A, then they would have included me when they were making plans for her birthday celebration. However, as they have all been through the 'marriage wringer' as they put it, I think they hit off each other for support & I'm on the outer. The re married lady in the group has a husband who's away working for 14 days at a time & comes home for 5 days. I think their marriage works because she has the time to lead her life without her husband interfering. When he's home, she obviously enjoys his company. When he's not, she's always at A's home planning their next social event even down to where they will eat & which venue they go to afterwards. To make things more difficult, this lady works for A in one of her businesses. I can see this, but A can't. If I say something, then I'm attacking her friend/s. How can I get A to see that she is being manipulated by her friends? How can I get her to realise whats happening right before her very eyes.? I've refused to participate with some of their planned social outings, probably just to be difficult, but mostly because I don't agree with the activity. There's nothing illegal with what they do but I'd just like some time with A alone. I can organise dinner with her, just the 2 of us, but A always comes back with "some or all of my friends are coming as well". When this happens, I just go with the flow but I've stopped organising anything now. A has said "if you want me, then you have to accept my friends" but I think I don't have to be their shadow. To me, this is controlling behaviour & I think A just expects whoever is in her life to go along with it because her last serious boyfriend, a man of 55 years, walked away from her because he couldn't put up with her ever demanding friends. They were basically getting in the way. Does anyone have any experience with how to deal with this, apart from distancing oneself totally from it all? much appreciated cic | |||
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