| Like so many posts that I've read here over the past few days, I never expected or wanted to become a member. At this point, I feel like another body on the pile. My wife and I have been together for 9 years, married for 18 months. Its been a great relationship until recently, although I will admit that we did become too co-dependent on one another. About two weeks ago, DDay in boardspeak, I went through her text messages. I realize that it was a betrayal, and was honestly the first time I ever actually did. What I found rocked my existence. She was clearly speaking to a man that she met in a mandated support group (require meetings every week). I was just scanning through the messages, and came across a text from him saying that he enjoyed their talks, "plus the kiss". I went completely light headed when I read that. I immediately confronted her, and asked who the hell this guy was. She was upset I read her messages, but swore he was just a friend, and the kiss was just a peck on the cheek. I'm currently not working (soon to be changing that), so was at home all day while she went to work. When she got home, we had a deep conversation . She was, and still is, very defensive about the whole thing. She did eventually confess that it was a deeper kiss. When I asked her straight out, in a calm and measured tone, if it had progressed further she assured me that it had not. I did not react with fury, or lose my mind. It clearly was deeply hurtful, but I knew that I had been very, very depressed for the past few months and our relationship took a hit. Our intimacy was sporadic and rare. She hasn't really brought up the topic at all, although the day before DDay, she had finally told me that she felt the relationship was in trouble, that we felt more like roommates than a married couple. In the following days, I pulled her phone records. I couldn't see the text messages themselves, but they had traded 600 in March alone. This man is also married, and is about 9 years older than she (35). She is unaware, AFAIK, that I have access to these records. A day later, I asked to read the messages that they had traded, and she admitted that she had deleted several including the one about the kiss. Since all of this went down, she has put a lock on her phone. I'm able to pull the phone records in real time, and since this all blew up, they haven't traded more than 4 messages total, and that was over a week ago now. This hurts so much to write, and I am well aware how this looks but still am flinching at the idea of what the board might have to say about all this. She also would go out with a girlfriend on friday nights, which I initially thought was good for her. I wanted her to have friends, when I trusted her. As an example of how a paranoid mind can create connections when there might not be any, there was a night in March where she came home late (she gets out of work about 4:30, went out with her gal pal, came home about 9. She offered to pick me up something for dinner, via text. She told me at 845 that she was picking up my dinner, but I have a receipt from that order, timed at 815. To be fair, there is also an online bank record for a purchase at the restaurant she said they went to for the same day, but no timestamp. She and this guy were trading a lot of messages that day, with a small break between 530 and 715. They exchanged more messages later that night, up til about 10. I have asked her explicitly if this thing was over, and she said yes, absolutely. Again, no calls or texts that I can see since. I've also considered a mobile chat app, but the data records don't support that, there's no unusual activity. As it stands now, we're focusing on thinking about the future of our marriage. I suggested that I should move out, as I'm already sleeping in another bedroom. She said it wasn't the worst idea, but that there was no rush. Since all of this went down, we've actually been intimate together, and it was good for us both. I suppose I just don't know what to do, and needed to vent this. I can't talk to anyone about it, family is out of the question. In my mind, she's not being entirely honest with me. I come up with a thousand different scenarios, including perhaps a pre-paid cell phone if she took the affair underground. I can't find one, anywhere. It seems odd that they would trade so many messages and then once it all came to light, poof, no more. Or is that simply her recognizing what she was doing was wrong and legitimately stopping communication? I'm lost in the woods, my heart broken, my trust shattered. | |||
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