| So I was finally game to start a new thread in the separation section. H doesn't love me, hes moving on, to resume everything. We agreed to stay together for another 4 months because I asked. He is not trying or working on the marriage though, he is only working on his new life at the bar, meeting girls, thinking hes Barney Stintson. I figure this is my chance to do a 180, which I have been doing. Took me a week to get good at it, and I have to admit it does help a lot, personally. Today, we talked about a few things, I am not pushing issues anymore, I am letting him know that I am moving on, and sometimes I just need some answers to a few things to help me with closure. Today I asked him why he always kept his phone so close.He never did before. I said I've known you for 6 years I know something is up why don't you just tell me. So he came clean that when he was drunk at the bar he gave his number out and hes scared girls are going to text him and I will know. He then came clean about a girl actually texting him for a few days. I let him talk. After he told his story,he said:can I know what is going through your mind? (wow, big step...we are actually communicating now??!! LOL) I said:well not much actually in the softest calmest voice I could find. He seemed a bit confused.(Expecting me to lash out I guess, these days are over buddy) I said, well I already knew this is what you were doing so I am just glad you finally opened up to me about it. Then he said: You know you are so smart? I thought he was sarcastic for a minute. He said it again, you are so smart, its going to be hard for me to find another woman as smart as you. (Compliment? Really? Realization? What the heck,,,this is when you just feel like saying, you don't have to find another one like me, I am right here!! ) Anyways I just said, I thought you wanted a dumb one, because he said that to me about 2 months ago. He said no, someone who is not really smart would just be boring! ( Funny I had told him those exact words 2 moths ago) So a little after I asked if he could come sit with me for a minute since we were doing good talking. I said you know the therapists (we went to one session and ended up in a fight) the therapist said we should talk about the cheating once and then never talk about it again? I said, I know I have brought it up over the years and you don't like it, so to help me with closure can I talk to you about it for 10 minutes and then never mention it ever again? He said yes. Conversation we had about the cheating: I said, you know I forgave you. But the one thing I feel hurt the most when it happened is that you were not honest about it. I said: you where very young and the context in which it happened I actually understood why you did it. I knew that you loved me very much at the time and I loved you. In a couple we are two people, standing side by side.We are each individuals going through our own thing at different times.I cannot decide or make choices for you, but I can understand and support you. I feel this is what a couple is, so for me the fact that you were not honest about it is what broke my heart. It also tore a big rip between us from that time on. The honesty, the bond that should unite us was broken. He listened mostly. I said something like I forgive you and I hope this will help you move on as well...bla bla I will never mention this again. After a while he said do you need a hug? I said no you? He said no. He got up, and then he said, I'm sorry for all the hurt and th e pain I caused you. I said I forgive you. Then I went over and said,,,lets hug. Just hug and lets move on from this one. Mind you this is all hard for me, I feel betrayed, I feel he is moving on.But at the same time it also feels good. I am not freaking out over this. I am taking it calmly day by day.Its all I can do anyways. see this link to my first thread if your interested in the whole story. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/conside...-too-late.html | |||
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