| This is my first post on this forum. I've read some posts already, but decided it's time that I post my own situation to get an outside opinion because I'm not sure what to do. I'll start at the very beginning. We originally started seeing each other as teenagers. He was my high school sweetheart. I would've done anything for him. He was also my savor on some level. I was headed down a path of drugs and partying and I was going to drop out of school, but he said he couldn't be with me if I did. So I got my act together and graduated on time (which was very hard to do because of how behind I was BTW). During this time he left for the military. We communicated any way we could and we planned getting married after I graduated. I had it planned for June 22. On one of his visits back home we visited for a couple of days, had sex for the first time, then a couple of days later it was Valentines day, but I didn't hear from him. I figured he was just busy with family/friend stuff because he wasn't back for very long and wanted to get in as much time as possible. I didn't want to be that nagging "wife" so I let it slide. But a couple of weeks past and while I was talking about my wedding plans with a few friends my best friend showed up late to the discussion. Once she realized what I was talking about she said "wait, you don't know?" She then told me that on Valentine's day he ran into a girl that he had a huge crush on a while back and they were now getting married. That August. Apparently, she was already looking for a dress. Needless to say, I was crushed. And pissed. But not just at him but at my friend for not telling me privately. She added to the pain unnecessarily. Anyway, months pass and this other girl cheated on him and they broke up before the wedding. More time passes and then he comes crawling back to me. I don't take him back right away because I was seeing someone else, but I do eventually. I know I was stupid, now, but then I was so deeply in love that I would have done anything for him. Plus I was young and dumb I was just 16 at that time. I decided he was just being a teenager not ready for commitment and fi gured it was for the best because we were so young. Over then next couple of years. We broke up and got back together a few times. One time it was because I went to visit him out of state and he literally spent all day on his computer game instead of spending any time with me. So I broke up with him and left early. Again he came back begging because he missed me and promised to never do it again. Then we have this great time together. He was good about spending time with me. He was sweet. I felt loved and cherished and alll that good stuff. So we got married. We had a good first couple of years. Still had some of the same problems with his gaming and his lack of romance, but I was still content. Then about 4 years ago I freaked out because everything was getting to me. I got tired of always having to beg. I had to beg for attention. I had to beg for sex. I had to beg to get him to do anything with me. So I left. For a week. I couldn't handle being on my own. I had to move into my moms house which was just awful because he bf at the time was a horrible horrible man. I was a student. And I just didn't know how I would survive. And I missed him. I was lonely. He was all I knew and he was all I thought I could get. I was afraid of ending up in a relationship like my mom's. So I went back. We talked and worked through some things as best we could and things were really go od again. But now it's all back to the same. But this time, he was the one who wanted to leave. He said that we had grown apart because I quit smoking and was trying to eat healthy and I wanted him to do the same. That I deserved someone who could show me the love I deserve. And that we didn't have anything in common anymore. And he didn't want to try to find anything and do the other things I wanted him too. I was upset for a while, broken hearted. Later that night he texted apologizing wanting to come back. I didn't let him that night, but said we could talk the next day. He said that he was willing to do all those things as long as I changed some things too He wanted me to wear more makeup to get him interested in me again and he wanted me to go to the gym with him (he's about 100lbs over weight) and he wants us to learn about an interest that the other one has. Like he wants me to learn sports and I chose photography for him to learn. But just days after this get back together, he reactivated his WoW account without even discussing it with me and has played every day, most of the day, since. He has been getting off rather quickly when I go to bed so he can come with me, but I still have to beg for sex and attention. He's made no effort to go to the gym and has turned me down when I asked him to go on walks with me and the dog. I'm not sure I made the right choice to let him back. It feels like we are just dragging out the inevitable and should just end it once and for all. But a part of me just can't let go. I feel like I'd be turning my back on my soulmate...but could he really be my soulmate I have to beg to get him to spend time with me? Am I just having a hard letting go because he is my first love? Am I asking too much of him? I just don't know anymore. Recently, I've even been finding myself wondering what it would be like to be with other men. What kind of relationship we'd have. The sex life. How much happier I'd be. But that's all unknown and that scares me. I'm just so confused on whether or not it's over between us. Or even if it should have ever began with our beginning. I did manage to forgive him for that and I did regain 100% trust. But then when he left this most recent time. I just don't trust that he won't hurt me a third time. Any advice from anyone who had a similar situation? | |||
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