| I am fairly new to this website, and would like to apologize in advance for any mistakes. I would appreciate any and all opinions as I am feeling like I am ready to burst my bubble. As best as I can to make this as short as possible. Tomorrow is a 10 Marriage Anniversary, 15 Years together, but celebrating is not something that I am feeling at the moment. We are a normal couple, I cannot say that my husband is the best or the worst. I am a realist, someone who always analyzes and thinks twice before does anything. I know men and women are very different, we perceive one object completely differently, my view and understanding always saved us a lot of arguments. We have our fights, small and big ones, my husband has a bit of a temper problem, which after 15 Years is not severe as it was. We are young, hardworking people, responsible people, 2 kids, our friends view us as a perfect couple. We always try to communicate and talk about any problems if one or the other, or both feel the need, compromise or understanding that we do not understand each other would always work for us. However, this problem will destroy us. We both from the beginning created a foundation, which included loyalty, honesty, respect and always no matter what it is if something goes wrong we speak the truth. Let it be a loved or feelings ended, or anything we sit and talk or fight or whatever, but we speak, we communicate, We Don't LIE. Last month we went on vacation, with kids and friends, about 12 couples all with kids. Family Vacation. Next Day after dinner, guys made a nice exit, I knew that they were going to strip club, and I was the only wife who knew. I would never tell my husband not to go, its all of them, I would never lower him down in front of his friends, and the fact that he is called PW. Do I like him ogling naked chicks, no I don't, but it has no weight to argue over. My husband went to numerous bachelor parties, 1 night or 5 nights in Puerto Rico, I always trusted him, liked NO, I did not, but I trusted him. My husband is a germ freak and also would never spend money on something he skeeves, he is hard working guy and at times IS cheap. And to mention, he is also not a typical guy when it comes to sex, he is not one of those who's sex drive is over the limit, my sex drive is much higher and he also indicates how lucky he is for his "sex freak" . We have a rule I don't ask you don't tell, but when you come back from any strip clubs or bachelor parties you pack your clothes in a bag and give it to cleaners. The first bachelor party during our relationship we actually argued about it, he said he would never touch a stripper, let alone get a lap dance, so why do a skeeve his clothes, he was angry hurt and all that, where I explained, you don't have to touch them, you sit there, who knows who was before you and what was done. I volunteer in shelters, I do the same thing. So 15 Years of together, family vacation, 2 kids, perfect HOT couple… morning after the strip club I had to work a little, conference call that I had to prepare for about 20 minutes. Breakfast was late, kids were up and I was running like a maniac. As always he left his clothes on the floor, I take a tissue, pick up his shorts and tshirt and put both items on the chair, without even looking at him I ask that when he gets up to pack his staff in a bag for cleaners. Did I yell NO, did I say nicely, my love please pack your clothes, no. My voice wasn't raised or anything, using as I would use on my kid to pack his bookbag. To which he gets up like, pissed and starts yelling at me, My clothes are clean, NO one touched me, stop looking at them like they dirty, with he finishes up with an idiot. I tell him that I need to get on the phone, and I did not say his clothing is dirty, but as usual places that have some extra germ I like them contained. The rest of the day was ok, we spoke, but he was very upset with me and had a sour face. Next day he was more civil, I asked him to take a walk on the beach with me. He said that he didn't want to yell, its just drives him crazy that all guys do everything in the club and lapdances and private rooms and all that, this guy got this the other one did that, and that he stood like moron and when a stripper came up he got a dance for his BFF. His blue eyes as always so innocent, and I believed him. I actually stopped him few times and told him DO NOT tell me what your friends did, I do not want to know, I never asked what you or they did. Just the rule we have with clothing, just like when I come from volunteering. All is good all is perfect, he never picked up his staff, that chair became his pile of clothes closet. I actually thought that he packed the staff. The day we were going back I started to pack, he was sleeping kids were up. So I get to the bottom of his "closet" and find clothes. Using tissue I start packing the staff that touched as well as the attire worn and see his short. His white shorts in front, from top to bottom entire crotch area, zipper and little back is covered in bronzer, really covered in bronzer, like bronzer plus top layer of the skin. I pick up the short, wake him up and show him the shorts, with the following phrase. Your clothes are not as clean as you presented them. He turned white, flew from the bed and start yelling, that his BFF got him a lap dance. I said nothing. He left with kids I went to pack, after I took few showers. But we spoke, ate, I answered his questions. Inside I had FIRE. HE LIED. For no reason, he lied, he created a story when there was no need. If he would of not said a thing in the morning from night before, I would have no ground to be mad, of course I hate that there was a naked woman rubbing him, but as I say… It is what it is. We fly back, plane delayed, we land in the middle of the night, I take a shower and go to work, come night I look into his face and tell him, that the lie and the way he did it, was something that I did not expect, to me it creates a problem, why did you lie? How many times did you lie? But as of now I don't want to know, I finalized with telling him that I have no idea who you are, you are not the guy I thought you were. This is when things got 100% worse. Arguments turned into unbearable fights, he left one night I kicked him out the other night. Now here is what it is and where I am. His called me next day and tried to explain why he lied. This was his explanation, if I went to a doctor and doctor told me that my husband has cancer and is dying in 2 weeks, would you tell me? I told him that his example is not the brightest just like him and also asked him how many times I had cancer. He is telling me that the only reason he lied is not to hurt me, so I asked him how often he lies about things that he does that would hurt me. He thinks he didn't do anything wrong and I am a sick person. Afterwards, he describes that stripper was not nude nor topless she just danced for 2 seconds and he only touched her hips. I did not ask, he volunteered. I refused to hear or look at him. Until our son mentions to me why Dad is telling everyone about the problem. HE said grandma, I explained to our son, that its daddy's mom and given, just like you he would go and talk to mom for her to help him or just be there for him. My little boy crying tells me that he said it to everyone and also to daddy's friend and daddy's friend said something bad. So while driving his BFF, which was from airport with his family, my son said that dad and BFF were whispering and when dad what happened, BFF came back with the following, at least she did not caught you having sex, no one knows we stayed late. I can't describe what and everything that occurred after this. For 2 hours I quietly spoke with my son, telling him if he is .0001% uncertain of a letter from each word or anything as tinny, he must take it back and we will never say it to anyone, not to daddy or anyone. He wouldn't take it back. I didn't care that this low life cheated if he did, I couldn't have a son doing this to his father. My brother in law came over to see how things were, and he talks to little one. We went through hell, where my kid took everything back and said he lied, did I mention he is 9? I guess age is important. HE went back and forth back and forth. So far he took everything back. I don't know anything anymore, where are lies? Illusions or truth? All I know that my life has changed and I do not look at him as I did a month ago. I feel empty at times or get very angry … but all is internal and stress is eating me. He cried, trying to explain that he is loyal and that he does everything for us. Which he does, he is a great father, provider, responsible hard working man, also was my best friend ONLY close friend and I can no longer know if I can ever forgive or forget and even if I do, will I forgive myself for forgiving him? I also did a lot of research, on the strip club and all about it. Did I mention Florida? Where strippers touch and allowed to be touched back, some things that guys describe that they do there is not something that I can make myself be ok with that. I look at this and think, I always thought if you not loyal, can you at least be intelligent about it and at least not hurt your kids and me. I don't know what will happen how will I feel and this feeling like I don't know anything anymore. Can someone please make me see what I don't see, am I taking this overboard. Someone just please help me understand what is wrong or right. I am so sorry I tried to make is as short as possible and trust me I did not mention some things. But please if you have little time let me know how to continue, because I don't know how. | |||
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