| I started uni last year, coming from a tough family background (single parent mum on benefits, hardly any home friends as my school was really rough and though I wasn't bullied I didn't find anyone I could connect to either, dad in prison for most of his life). My background has shaped who I am, but I feel it really gets in the way a lot of the time and recently everything's just felt like it's too much. To start off with, the living costs are my uni are quite expensive compared to the amount of student loan and grant I get, and coupled with course costs it's often hard to get by. I've applied for work everywhere I can think of and done part-time stuff here and there but it's never permanent as most of the jobs here go to people with more experience over students and my course has a lot of contact hours which restricts when I can work to evenings or weekends. Fortunately, I recently finally found a part-time job at a local college, which I know doesnt sound like a lot but has actually given me the ability to have a decent social life for once. Due to my lack of money, I haven't been able to join/get involved in a lot of societies, and when I have sometimes my ability to regularly attend has been flaky as I simply can't afford to pay to do something every time. Most of the people here are at least middle-class and quite snobbish towards "chavs" so I haven't told my friends from those societies about my money situation. I think they simply assume I don't care about them all that much, and whenever I speak to them they often seem to look down on me. In first year in halls, and on my course, I couldn't go out all that much due to money issues, although I made as much of an effort to do so as I could I didn't get too drunk on nights out either as I take my course seriously (due to family problems I am going to have to support myself straight after I leave uni, so obviously I need a job sorted). My family issues have left me being very careful about what I do as I don't want to end up on the same path as they have. As a result, though I'm really nice to people I got a reputation as "the boring one" and people just didn't hang out with me as much. I had a few good acquaintances but hardly anyone from halls calls/texts me any more or even says hi when they see me. When they do talk to me, they are incredibly patronising. It's as though, because my background left me unable to do as many middle-class things as most people my age, I'm somehow less than them even though they know about my poor schooling though not the specifics of my family situation. I broke down in tears once at a hall formal in my first year in front of a group of hallmates and told them how I felt like I didn't belong due to my different background. They promised to stay in touch but nowadays hardly any of them even say hi when they see me. I feel like I'm always on the fringe of uni life, like I'm that person who'll never be accepted, and I could have done some things better but this isn't entirely my fault. So many people I've met at uni obviously see me as less than them, have been nice to my face and talked about how "weird" I am behind my back, or outright tried to bully me to my face, that it's just gotten me down to the point I can't name one time I've been truly happy over the last year and one close friend whom I even text or chat to on FB regularly. Good friends are meant to be reliable and trustworthy and actually care about you as a person, but I feel like everyone I've met at uni is more concerned about how many photos you have on FB or how good you are at "banter" or what labels you wear: there is a definite uni culture here. I'm trying to make the most of my life but at the moment I'm just so sick of all the constant stress and pressure I know what I have to do but I feel like I'm going to snap any minute. I'm usually a nice person but recently I've just turned extremely selfish and out to help only myself, because if nobody else, even my family, cares about me I feel like I'm going to die unless I start prioritising myself more. Anyone been through this before? What would you do if you were me? | |||
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