Is my separation a shock tactic?

The last six weeks has been hell! Mid March my wife dropped a bomb on me by telling me that she wasn't happy. This came as quite a shock as the previous day was like any other in our happy marriage. We were just talking about holidays a few days earlier. I realised that I had played a great part in this immediately. I had not been my usual self for a year or so. I saw a doctor the next day and was diagnosed with severe depression. In the test I was one point away from 72 hours hospital observation. It was a surprise to me but a welcome relief to know why I felt the way I did. 4 days of pills later and I'm feeling like my old self again. In 18 months, I had lost both grandparents that I was very close to, hated my job and got involved in a house purchase with my brother that had turned sour. Then the real bomb was dropped on me! "My feelings have changed. I don't feel like I love you like I used to" she said For the next four weeks of us living together, she alternated between "I need time to think" and "It's over" four times. I had neglected her a lot. I was too depressed to pay much attention to her two requests of change. I handled this badly as most shocked spouses do. Crying, begging, anger, accusations of an affair etc. I did not see this coming at all! I felt like I didn't deserve this at all. She moved out a week ago. Rented an apartment. A few days before she left I changed my attitude and accepted her idea of the separation. Told her that it would do us both good. That we would clear our heads, think about us, not date or sleep with others and talk about reconcilliation in 3 months. We both agreed. In the week that she's been gone, I have addressed all the negative aspects of my personality. Defensiveness, shutting myself away, and seeing things in black & white. I dealt with that by making peace with my previous girlfriend. Who had chronic mental health problems. Harming herself or me for two years. The nightmares, flashbacks and baggage I had from that period was gone. I now wonder whether she wanted out of the marriage as a short, sharp shock tactic. To wake me up into shaking off my negative attitudes, get a better paying job and live a life beyond a simple plod. Which made me so unhappy. We seem to be making slow progress. She contacts me first so I give her space. She's proud of me for the changes I've made. We are only informally separated, no plans for divorce. She has two jealous friends that would like to see her marriage fail. Her family is in the US, we're in the UK, and I'm wondering why she's not on a plane back to them and the promise of a good job. She also wanted me completely out of ear shot when she called her family too. If it is a shock tactic, it's cruel, but I would rather that than lose my wife! I'm well aware I needed a kick up the ass! LOL

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