| I'm not sure where to start... A little over a year ago I met this guy for a casual fling, but we both immediately had feelings for each other, and eventually he became my boyfriend. I have had so many problems with this guy since I have known him, but I can never seem to let him go. The first six months we were together he was abusive to me, even the first day we met, he put bruises all over me. He didn't stop until I finally called the police and he had to sit in jail for the night. I thought that would have been the end, but not even a week later we were back together. The physical abuse stopped until right before Christmas. He got very drunk one night and there was a huge altercation. He's now facing felony charges after what happened. I didn't see or speak to him for a month after, and had no intention to ever again, but, now here I am again, back in his bed. Ever since the day I met him, I asked to him to stop drinking so much. It's the only thing I have ever nagged him about. When he's drunk, he's rude, mean, and violent. He is an alcoholic. I now cringe at the whiff of a beer because of him. When we got back together after this incident, he promised me he would never drink around me again (I've heard that before...). Three times in the past 2 months, he has snuck out in the morning while he still thinks I'm asleep and go gets a beer. He even has the audacity to ask me if he can have one sometimes, and I finally told him the other night that every time he mentions drinking it's like a kick to the stomach. He never seems to care. Lately since he hasn't been drinking as much, he seems to be smoking more pot and popping pills. He can never be sober. I don't understand why. Then the other day, I know I shouldn't have done it, but he's always so secretive with his phone, so I looked in it and read his text messages and looked at his contacts and pictures. He had texted two different girls that morning, and like, 80% of his contacts are girls, and he has pictures of other girls. This wasn't all that shocking to me, because the same thing has happened at least twice before. He caught me though, looking, and he got upset. I told him, you know, I'm tired of this. It's not fair to me, that I am so good and faithful to you, while you go behind my back and talk to other girls, and who knows what he does when I'm not there visiting. He lies to me all the time. He always tells me, when I tell him I'm worried that I'm cheating on him, that he isn't, that I'm the only girl I want and he would never do that, yet I've found out otherwise on multiple occasions... He hasn't had a job ever since I've known him. For the majority of the time, he hasn't had a car, and when he does it's some cruddy clunker. He's been arrested multiple times. He has a baby with some other girl. His parents pay for all of his stuff. I've tried to help him out so much. I furnished half of his kitchen so I could cook in it for him, then when he moved, he threw nearly everything away because he didn't want to wash the dishes. He's 25 years old. He's so irresponsible. He has no goals in life... I just don't know why I continue to stay with him. I deserve better. I'm just so hung up on him. Last week when I visited him, he began to really get on my nerves. He had begged me to get him a volunteer spot at this music festival I was volunteering for. A girl from one of my classes gave me a cool job there and was really counting on me. So, we went one day, and he kept complaining while we were there and calling the girl a bitch and he wouldn't work... We ended up leaving early and bailing on the rest of it. He told me that he planned on bailing anyways. I told him, why did you bother then? It made me really look bad, and now I feel like I've got to dole out this extensive apology to this girl... Even after doing that, AND sneaking out for a beer the next morning, I gave him head 3 times that day, and he asked me to do it again that evening, and I told him no. He started whining about it... It's just that, I give him oral sex, and great oral sex, all the time, and have sex with him all the time, and as much as I asked, he never goes down on me. I try to keep shaved and clean down there, so maybe he will, and he never does. Every once in a while he may or he might rub me down there, but it's never good. It usually hurts. So, I end up having vigorous sex with him without proper arousal, so I end up getting really sore, and he gets frustrated later on when he can't sex with me because I'm complaining about it hurting. There have been plenty of times I've let him penetrate me even though it hurt, and I tried to just grin and bare it. Once he looks at my face and sees I'm in pain, he always asks if he can just hurry and cum. He finishes real fast and cums. After a while, i t starts to weaken my spirit and feel unimportant, that he only thinks of himself; that his pleasure is a priority. I cook for him, I clean his house. I buy him presents. I buy him necessary household items he never bothers to purchase because he'd rather buy drugs. I take him to concerts. I take him out to eat. I take him on trips. I give him rides. I get naked when he tells me to, though I never want to. I make him cups of coffee thought I never want to. I have sex with him even when I don't want to and even when it hurts me. I suck him off even when I don't want to and even when it hurts me (TMJ + him ramming it down my throat). He cooks for me, but most of the time it's cheese sandwiches or ramen... The only time he's ever bought me presents, was a card for my birthday, and a necklace and some socks for Christmas. I was surprised at Valentine's, but he really had to try at that point him time. He took me out to eat, and got me a card and some candy. But, he never takes me out to eat. Never takes me on dates. The only time we ever go out together, we just go to the bookstore because it doesn't cost anything. He took me to a show once. He doesn't get naked for me or do sexy things for me. He never gives me oral sex or makes me feel special. If you've read this far, thank you. I'm just really run down by this relationship... I don't know what to do. I've asked him to stop drinking, take me out every once in a while, give me oral, several times, and he's never changed or done these things for me. I just feel very sad that I've tried to put so much into this relationship but he's not willing to. It makes me tired. | |||
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